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okay so we were in English one today and we have to right a short story that had like suspense and fear in it not my best thing to right about sweatdrop So anyways i had wrote a rough draft of my short story and i wanted to know what people think about it before i turn it in. Help me please by telling me what i could do to improve it.
okay here it is.

Now you would think that in this situation a person would run and scream like in idiot into the forest. Pushing the limbs of trees out of their way, screaming till their lungs fall out. But no, he just stood there watching and waiting. I too stood there watching, waiting and mouthing the words "what are you doing you idiot run!". But no he still stood there his eyes watching the gun on the man waist and the knife in the mans hand. I hid in the darkness behind the trees a place where he couldn't see me but i could see him clear as day. I watch the man step closer to him raising the knife along with my fear high into the air. Than I watched slowly as the knife dove into his chest and a screamed escaped his lips. Stunned, speechless, outraged, numb sober, hopeless, depressed, cold, everything that i felt but none of the words really really described how I was feeling, as I watched my brother fall to the ground and with his last breath he says "run". Now like an idiot I take off running into the dark forest, but instead of screaming im crying, crying for my brother whom did nothing to deserve what I just watched. Pushing tree limbs out of my way I stop. Did he? Did he hear me? I close my eyes and listen to everything around me. I hear the chirping of crickets, the scurrying of a mouse, and the hooting of an owl. Than i hear it, small footsteps, so soft that over the crickets chirp you may not hear them. It was a set of two footsteps, the killer.....and who else?! Opening my eyes I feel my heart rise into my throat a hand lays on my shoulder.
And than the director yells cut.

So please tell me what you think about it and if there is anything that I need to change or add on.Thank you very much! biggrin

You're making me feel bad, I feel like a english teacher, I even started to correct people when they say, "good," instead of "well."

Anyway, I'm just a student, but I would still paint this story red with a pen.

*Punctuation
-periods
-commas
-proper use of quotations ( You're suppose to put the period on the INSIDE of the quotations.)

*Fragments
-Subject-Verb agreements
-Run-ons


Instead of: "what are you doing you idiot run!".
put
"What are you doing you idiot? Run!"

Instead of ...he says "run".
Put
...he says, "Run!"

See how I put the puncuation inside the quotations?

Also, I see you tried to capitalize "I," just make sure you capitalize everyone.


Sorry, I know it's annoying, I sometimes get pissed off when I turn in work to my english teacher, and he marks it up.