Elfish Wisdom - The Advice Column

[Minerva the Bookwyrm]

If you have a dilemma in your life, whether it's silly or serious, and would like to receive advice on how to cope with it, PM the Keeper of Elfish Wisdom here at the Bookcase.

Current Keeper of Elfish Wisdom: SuzeLovesJamesPotter a.k.a. Suze

Rules:

Your question and the Keeper's answer will be posted here in this thread unless you ask the Keeper to respond privately only to you with another PM.

All askers of questions are anonymous. The Keeper knows you asked, but no one else will. If you want the other elves to know it's YOUR problem then create your own new topic in the main forum.


In the PM you send to the Keeper make the subject of the message Seeking Elfish Wisdom.

Once a question/answer is posted in this thread other elves may post their own thoughts pertaining to it so you get as many perspectives as possible.

In this thread, STAY ON TOPIC. Just because someone mentioned a song that might comfort someone, it doesn't mean that everyone ought to start discussing their favourite musicians.

Sample PM to the Keeper:

Dear Keeper,
I can never find a pair of socks that match in my house. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Cold Feet  

[SuzelovesJamesPotter]

Okay everyone, we have our first seeker of advice! Yay!

Quote:

Dear Keeper,
My friend cheats on some of his tests in school. I’ve told him that I think cheating is wrong, but he still does it anyway. He shouldn’t be allowed to get good grades when he’s cheating, but I don’t want to tell on him and get him in trouble because he’s my friend. What do you think I should do?
Signed,
No Cheating

Dear No Cheating,
I know it is sometimes hard to stand up to someone you consider your friend, but are they really your friend if they are cheating off of you and not listening to your opinions and respecting them? You should ask your friend one last time to stop. If he doesn't take the chance, report it to a teacher or another adult at your school. Don't feel bad for getting him in trouble because he had multiple chances to stop. He chose not to. That's not your fault.

Good luck,
Keeper of Elfish Wisdom
SuzelovesJamesPotter


Do you elves have any advice for your fellow elf? Post here any suggestions I might've missed or that need reinforced.  

[Minerva the Bookwyrm]

I'm not sure if No Cheating's friend was cheating off of them specifically, just cheating in general.

Anyway, Suze is right; you should tell. Your friend probably won't know it was you that blabbed because if you know about his cheating habits, then chances are that many other people do too.

If you want to make sure that no one suspect it was you that did the right thing, you could leave an anonymous on a teacher's desk. Without knowing who the witness to the cheating is, the teacher won't be able to punish your friend right away, but the instructor will definitely invesitgate and keep a closer eye on your friend in the future because teachers hate cheaters, so it will be much less likely to happen again.  

[Chief_Blackfoot]

I believe this bothers you, No Cheating, greatly, is why it needs to end. Whether or not your friend can stop taking the easy way out, isn't up to you. He doesn't care to stop apparently.

My thoughts are to always keep to what your heart & head combined tell you. It seems to me, you see cheating as being wrong, (which I think, we all agree) so the real question I leave for you is simply this,.. would a friend make you go against what you believe in? I think not.

So, I too agree that you need leave a hint for the teacher. sad but true.
 

[SuzelovesJamesPotter]

Quote:

Dear Keeper,
I can never get up in the morning and I wake up at 6:30 because I never get up any earlier so what should I do. Hope you can help.
from,
Grumpy face!

Grumpy face,
I would like to go on the record first of all to say I have this problem also biggrin . I suggest setting a goal for yourself to get to bed a bit earlier and set an alarm. When the alarm goes off, stretch and open your eyes (you don't have to actually get up at first) but keep awake! Try and keep the routine up and eventually (around 2 weeks usually) you will start to wake yourself up without the alarm. wink

That's the best advice I have. Hope the other elves have some for you!

~Suze  

[Minerva the Bookwyrm]

That's good advice, Suze. whee I always try to go to bed early because do you know what I need to be happy in the morning? A little time to relax. 3nodding As a result, I purposely wake up 30 minutes earlier than I need to so that I can listen to music or go online for a while. It might seem strange to "unwind" at the beginning of the day before anything happens, but I find that starting off the day with a little me-time before I commence getting dressed and ready is really helpful in starting out the day with a positive attitude. smile This is probably because if I wind up being busy from morning until night, I don't have that stressed-out feeling that I haven't had a single minute to relax all day long; I already made sure that I relaxed first thing in the morning! lol I know it's odd, but it works for me! razz
 

[SuzelovesJamesPotter]

Quote:

Dear Keeper,

I'm trying to write a story, but I've got writer's block. Any ideas on how to get passed it?

Blocked

Dear Blocked,

Writer's block eh? I deal with that a lot also. I usually listen to music or talk to people to get those creative juices following. Another thing you can do is read other novels/stories to help get things going along. There are all sorts of things you can do. Maybe if you already started the story, you can go back and reread it, checking for anything in the story that could be expanded on and lead the story in the direction you need it to go.

Hope I helped,
Keeper of Elfish Wisdom
SuzelovesJamesPotter  

[The Noisy Cricket]

You guys are probably going to laugh.. but this book is a total cure for writer's block.

The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (Inner Workbook)

Seriously, when I used to draw and write a lot more (back when life was a little less chaotic) as long as I followed this program in this book, I NEVER and I promise you NEVER had a single moment of creative blockage.

The art department at my college in CA will actually send students to the workshop Cameron gives from this book. That is how I stumbled across it. It works for clearing all the stress and latent emotional trauma out of your life as well.

If you're open minded give it a shot. It really is proactive and though it says 'spiritual path' you don't need to even believe in anything to make it work for you. Those of you who like to write in journals already have a leg up on the process. ^ ^

Here's an amazon link if anyone is interested!
The Artist's Way  

[Minerva the Bookwyrm]

When I have writers block I have the ideas; I can feel them somewhere beind my eyelids, but I cannot reach them, cannot put them into words.

So, what I need to do - like Suze said - is work on something else that I can put my thoughts into words about. I'll pick a painting, drawing, quote, or writing prompt and transcribe a short poem or story or character sketch about it. That gets my energy going, and sometimes it cures it.

Make sure that you give yourself over completely to the writing prompt that you're working on, and don't continue to stress about what piece you're blocked on. Wasn't it Edison that said if you stop thinking about a problem then the answer comes to you?

Once, there was a story that I wrote up to the midway point, and I knew how I wanted the very end to be, but I couldn't get through the second half of the middle. I stopped worrying about it after a few days of no progress, and successfully wrote many other essays/stories/poems over the next few months. Then, one day, out of nowhere I just got it, and I rushed home and finished it! I know months is a long time wait, and it usually doesn't take me that long to get over a block, but it was worth it once I was finished.

It also helps to just write without stoppping. Worry about correcting your grammar and spelling, and choosing better adjectives, later. Don't waste the time when your muse is present to be an editor; just be a writer!

Hmm...*goes to look at Cricket's link* Well, I read the table of contents inside of it, and it looks like there might be some good ideas in there for Blocked. I don't think I'll read, though, because it seems to mostly be about understanding yourself and having confidence in your wriing skills, and I'm already covered in those areas. People who don't know themselves and say "I need to find myself" really confuse me; I've always been an introvert and unable to relate to them.

Anyway, Blocked, I wish you the best of luck!  

[SuzelovesJamesPotter]

Quote:

Dear Keeper,
My parents don’t want me dating my boyfriend because he smokes. He’s nice and interesting, and funny, but he smokes. I don’t think that’s a good reason to write someone off and I’m thinking about seeing him even though they told me not to. What do you think?
Yours truly,
In Love

In Love,

You are in quite the situation there. Truthfully, I am not exactly set on what advice I have for you, so I am going to wing it. First of all, even though we don't like it, our parents set rules for us because they they love us and want to protect us. So maybe you should talk to your parentals and come to an understanding. Also, smoking is a very unhealthy habit. Maybe you can convince your boyfriend to quit. That would be better for his health in the long run and then your parents don't have a reason to say no to you dating him.

G'luck!

Suze  

[Minerva the Bookwyrm]

Wow, that's very good advice, Suze! Yes, parents want what's best for us. There are exceptions, but because your parents are taking an interest in your life, I can safely presume that they love you.

If it were me, Suze, I would've been insensitive and said, "Ew! How can you date a smoker? They spend tons of their paycheck on a habit that blackens their lungs and makes them smell. The stench gets in their hair, on their clothes, and in their mouth. How can you find someone that smelly and foolish with finances attractive?" It's probably better that you're the Keeper!

Of course, I'm allergic to smoke, and have asthmatic sisters, which doesn't help me have sympathy for "addicted" smokers. Ruining your own health is one thing, but giving OTHER people health problems because of YOUR habit is quite another. I'm so happy that smoking is banned in almost all public places.

Honestly, In Love, if he's "in love" with you too, then he'd quit. It might be gradual and take a few months, but he'd do it.  

[SuzelovesJamesPotter]

Quote:

Dear Keeper,
A good friend of mine had told me that he liked me and I accepted it and we didn't let it get in the way of our friendship until he texted me on the last day of school. I left to go home early and he texted me, "I wanted to tell you in person before you left but, here is something thought provoking to think about over the summer. I love you". Now I replied by telling him "I'm allergic to b.s.". I still text him like normal but it feels awkward, what should I do?
Sincerely,
Love-Me-Not

Dear Love-Me-Not,

Wow, my best friend is in the exact same situation.This is certainly a tough one. Even though it may feel awkward, talk to your friend about your confusion and whatever else you are feeling. If he really loves you, he'd stop doing things like that if it makes you uncomfortable. Even if he doesn't love you and was just joking, he still should be a good enough friend to lay off it.

Good luck!

Keeper of the Elfish Wisdom
Suze <3  

[Minerva the Bookwyrm]

I'm so glad I've never been in this situation! Suze is right; if he loves you; he'll respect your wishes. Point this out to him, and do it soon.

You should deal with it now because when you date someone in the future, he probably will become jealous, and that could ruin your friendhsip.

If it were me, I'd assure him, "Boyfriends come and go, but friendships are forever. If you want to stay in my life, then be my friend, and just my friend."

As long as you aren't a terribly flirtatious tease, he ought to get over you eventually.  

[SuzelovesJamesPotter]

Quote:

Dear Keeper,
I have this friend who is becoming all boy crazy. She is not the same person I became friends with at all any more. She is one of my best friends, but with her becoming so different I still want to be her friend. I just don't know what I can do. I've known her since kindergarten and love her dearly. I just don't like putting up with her like this. My other friend has told her straight up how she's been acting, but the boy crazy friend just ignores it. I'm not the only one she acts likes this towards, so I know it isn't just me. And the thing is, it isn't just one or two guys that she is obsessing over, it's like six or seven. One of which is my cousin, who she hasn't even met. Is there anything I can do? I'm not willing to stop being her friend, so that is out of the question. Perhaps there is something better I could do? Please help me if you can.
Signed,
I want to keep my friend

Dear I want to keep my friend,

Ehh.. tough situation. I think I would personally would sit her down and have a heart to heart talk. Basically tell her that you miss her, who she used to be, and you can't stand loosing her. If she keeps ignoring you, I don't think there is much else you can do. Can you tell I've been in this situation before? Just keep working on her, reminding her how she is hurting her friends in this 'stage' and hopefully, eventually, she'll see the error of her ways.

Good luck and I hope things go well,

Keeper of Elfish Wisdom
SuzelovesJamesPotter  

[Minerva the Bookwyrm]

I had a friend that became boy-obsessed too. I asked her to stop talking about them constantly, as did some other mates, and she never did.

Now, it's six years later, and I am no longer her friend. (I stopped being her friend three years ago due to her gossiping about me behind my back; not the boy rubbish) Even though I haven't spoken to her in years, I have friends that still talk to her, and they say that she HASN'T CHANGED AT ALL.

I don't know what advice to offer, but I'm giving you a warning that it's very likely that things will NEVER get better.