|
|
|
|
|
My BlAcK sTaR sHiNe Captain
|
Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 6:20 pm
Post and Recieve critique if you like, or jsut come to discuss some of the greatest *cough*dead*cough* poets of all times like Shakespear and Edgar Allan Poe. Or, just chit chat.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 6:54 pm
Well, we can post our own poems, can't we? I mean... not that I am a good poet or anything sweatdrop
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My BlAcK sTaR sHiNe Captain
|
Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 6:58 pm
Of course you cna post your own poems if you want! just specify if you would like critique on it and such
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 2:13 pm
Hmmm.... I'll get started off, maybe hlep get tohers comfortable. Would love critique on this piece. I wrote it the other day and i hope you all enjoy! its a little dark, but dark things tend to make me feel better once i get all bad feelings out on paper.
Learn To Laugh
I lap up the blood as it slides ever so slowly failing to clot right away our dark reunion is menacing to all but me as I drink
Leaving red lines on white the blood seems to scorch my skin but the pain is nothing not after this hell that was forced on me
the guilt tastes so sour the hatred so sweet the mix is delicious I have no more air as my blood continues to spill
it was all too much nothing was worth wasting my breath not him not her not anyone
so I’m dying now no thanks to you anyways licking up my pain as it trickles down my wrist will I go to heaven
what is heaven? will it be white and fluffy or just blackness for eternity who cares… I’m dying now because that’s all I want to die escape for a moment a lifetime and maybe just maybe learn to laugh and smile again and I do I cackle one last time as the last drop of blood slides down my throat
|
 |
 |
|
|
My BlAcK sTaR sHiNe Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:47 pm
Here's a poem I wrote in class, just one of those quick write assignments that never get turned in unless you want to for fun. It's free verse. Thanks for reading!^^
Autumn Moments
Leaves gather across the yard Gold, yellow red and brown
Fresh wind drifting smoke and spicy hints From the burning cedar fire near by
Rustle, crunching and scraping of the rocks As I rake up each leaf
Crisp cold air in my lungs and on my skin The smooth wood of the rake in my hands
I wonder when it will all be done And if the wind blow my work away
Leaving me no choice But to begin once more…
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:49 pm
wow... that is deep... and I love it! blaugh Anyway, here is mine,
Only seen at night Big and very bright But I am always hear Watching over you near and dear. One is a million, A million is a billion, but all you see is one. Like one small sun...
It is a star, by the way. It was meant to be a riddle when I made it.
Lol I made this a long time ago and I have always had it memorized, so I guessed I'd just post it! mrgreen
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My BlAcK sTaR sHiNe Captain
|
Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:22 pm
both your poems were absolutly marvelous!
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 9:51 am
redrox123 wow... that is deep... and I love it! blaugh Anyway, here is mine, Only seen at night Big and very bright But I am always hear Watching over you near and dear. One is a million, A million is a billion, but all you see is one. Like one small sun... It is a star, by the way. It was meant to be a riddle when I made it. Lol I made this a long time ago and I have always had it memorized, so I guessed I'd just post it! mrgreen Cool riddle!^^ The words you used really reminded me of a star before you said it was. xd
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 9:54 am
Here's another poem I wrote, it was for a contest on here and it got me to the next round so I guess I'll post it here. Enjoy! xd
A Star
I look into a lifeless sky, not wanting to see any light.
I look upon the landscape's scars, only horrors run through my mind.
I look to where the children played, but only once living bodies remain.
I look back to the sky, there is a glimmer of light.
I hope it's just a star, but the siren wails.
I hope it will pass us by, but nothing will change its course.
I hope to find some shelter, but there is none.
I hope to see my child again, but now I'm gone.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 10:56 am
Wow Aliya, that was awesome!
Here's one i wrote just barely
unloved
How could a boy love someone so imperfect? with all the wrong blemishes like zits and sun scars someone who stands on unstable battel ground and strives to be noticed but once who cant fit in the 'small' the world demands who's cottage cheese legs dont appeal to the miniskirt with crooked teeth and unfocoused eyes with hands bigger then mans and 'big foot' left feet how could a boy love someone so insane? who wears unmatching socks and talks to herself in the quietest hours who writes unread tears and sheds giggles like there's no tomorrow who gets called the fruitcake freak behind her back who sings unearthed songs and smokes others emotions who is loud, crazy, and obnoxious how could a boy love someone so unpretty? how could a boy love someone so different? how could a boy love me...
|
 |
 |
|
|
My BlAcK sTaR sHiNe Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 1:58 pm
My BlAcK sTaR sHiNe Wow Aliya, that was awesome! Here's one i wrote just barely unloved How could a boy love someone so imperfect? with all the wrong blemishes like zits and sun scars someone who stands on unstable battel ground and strives to be noticed but once who cant fit in the 'small' the world demands who's cottage cheese legs dont appeal to the miniskirt with crooked teeth and unfocoused eyes with hands bigger then mans and 'big foot' left feet how could a boy love someone so insane? who wears unmatching socks and talks to herself in the quietest hours who writes unread tears and sheds giggles like there's no tomorrow who gets called the fruitcake freak behind her back who sings unearthed songs and smokes others emotions who is loud, crazy, and obnoxious how could a boy love someone so unpretty? how could a boy love someone so different? how could a boy love me... That one's funny the way you described this girl, course it's also sad since she's made fun of and it's her writing the poem, one of her unread tears.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 3:09 pm
Hmmm... I have a bunch of poems, but the one that really comes from the heart is this one...
Round and round and round you prance Ephemeral as the breeze You make your steps a complicated dance Your movements wrote with ease
Knowing you must be made of lies I stand with mouth agape Hardly able to believe my eyes As round and round you trapse Moving along your favorite path Gracing me with youor beloved smile You wink at me and start to laugh And I stand, disbelieving, all the while
Terrified you'll fade away Afraid that you might break Or disappear with the dying day I offer a hand that you might take But it passes through you as you move about Your image begins to die All around me lights go out Alone in the dark, I cry
Thats what I wrote after my cat died. I always thought of him as a person.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My BlAcK sTaR sHiNe Captain
|
Posted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 6:24 pm
lol thanks Aliya, but i didnt necessarily write this one about someone else. i wrote it aobut me haha.
Katta, your poetry always tends to leave me breathless when i read it!
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 7:57 am
I wrote this one about rain, i also wrote it a long time ago, so I hope I can remember it, because besides in my head, I dont know where else I could find it! well, I will go quickly look in my ... room (shudder)...
I'm beautiful, I'm glorious, I make you very happy When you see me your mood turns the opposite of crabby. I could be for a minuet, or maybe a whole day, You might just end up saying, It takes my breath away! Plink plat, pitter patter, I make a lovely sound, This should give me away, I like to fall on the ground. Where ever I tread I leave a big big mess, Some people love it but I leave the others in distress. I bring life and I give growth where ever I walk, Patter patter patter is my lovely talk. When I come around, you are happy to have a roof over your head I bet most think that when they are trying to go to bed. I suppose I can't blame you for thinking that thought, But my peace and happiness just isn't bought. All that I ask is that you be glad when i come around town. Give me a chance, I swear I wont let you down! Just think about all that I do for you! Think think you'll find it's really true.
Be warned, I will soon have to edit this, because I just have the rough draft, and the final copy is much better, but Mom has it and she won't get out of bed just yet to get and she won't tell me where it is, so...
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My BlAcK sTaR sHiNe Captain
|
Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 1:53 pm
Awesome Red! Here's a poem i wrote in creative writing class today
Sorrow croons as love begs Sweeping the daises away Dropping the photo into flames
Sorrow croons as love begs Singing towards the clouds Smiling at the passing crowd
Sorrow croons as love begs Loosing grip on the world’s floor Hiding fast behind a closed door
Sorrow croons as love begs Holding hands with fate Hoping—praying it’s not too late
Sorrow croons as love begs Crying softly into one's hands Running off with a stranger to a different land
Sorrow croons as love begs
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|