Personal dealing with gimps

[chibihotachan]

Has anybody ever had to deal personally with a friend who has/had a progressing, terminal disability? Also is anybody a forementioned gimp and how do you interact with the world?

*Note, when I use the term gimp, I am reffering specifically to people with a crippling, physical disablity not affecting the mind.  

[AntoniaMerEnfant]

It is amazing how differently people react to the same situation. Some people seem to fall into despair whereas others react to a disability with hope and courage.

As a friend it helps to be cognizant of what a person can and cannot do as a result of their disability. Example- I am hearing impaired, but visual things are still quite enjoyable for me. Finding things that make people feel alive through disabilities is key.

With a little planning and consideration you can find fun activities that make a person feel a little more normal, and it helps remind them of all the great things there is in this life.

There is a charming little book called "The Way I See It" by Karen Meyer (I think that's how she spells her name, my copy is laying around -somewhere-). Dr. Meyer even came and presented for my class about a year ago. She is legally blind, but her short book touches upon the subject of her disability with unprecedented humor and hope. It really helped me with dealing with the side effects of my hearing problems (for example: I cannot learn a new language spoken-wise because I cannot detect the nuances of a language but what I can do is eventually tackle ASL or another language system which is not dependent on hearing).

Best wishes and good luck!  

[damnatio memoriae]

Before I moved I was good friends with a woman who had debilitating seizures. They weren't ones that made her shake, they were ones that would cause her whole body to freeze in place, unable to move, sometimes for upwards of 30+. On bad days she would have 20+ seizures. She also had some other physical issues that would cause her to hobble. I met her at work and as I am always the one to include everyone in everything she quickly latched on to me and hung out with me. She was a great friend. I didn't see her disability as something that ever embarrassed me. I would sit with her, talking until she came around and then we would just continue with whatever we were doing. Being treated like a normal person is the best support you can give. I will say that the term "gimp" isn't very appropriate unless said person is ok with that term. I really think you should see beyond how "the world" views your friend and love them for who they are. In the end you really shouldn't care what anyone thinks or says unless it's supportive and you want to.  

[chibihotachan]

damnatio memoriae

Before I moved I was good friends with a woman who had debilitating seizures. They weren't ones that made her shake, they were ones that would cause her whole body to freeze in place, unable to move, sometimes for upwards of 30+. On bad days she would have 20+ seizures. She also had some other physical issues that would cause her to hobble. I met her at work and as I am always the one to include everyone in everything she quickly latched on to me and hung out with me. She was a great friend. I didn't see her disability as something that ever embarrassed me. I would sit with her, talking until she came around and then we would just continue with whatever we were doing. Being treated like a normal person is the best support you can give. I will say that the term "gimp" isn't very appropriate unless said person is ok with that term. I really think you should see beyond how "the world" views your friend and love them for who they are. In the end you really shouldn't care what anyone thinks or says unless it's supportive and you want to.

Actually I am said 'gimp' and it's what I like, so long as the person uses it affectionatly smile . When you're out with your friend I'm sure she appriciated you treating her normally but I assume her seizing would cause some commotion and is probably somewhat embarrassng, how would you deal with stares and questions from others. Would you say something? Even if they said something first? What if you're going out with a group of friends and afte she's been invited, the group decides to do something she can't. Why are you no longer friends (I'm very sorry if she passed away)?  

[Ellavemia]

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Gimp is kinda like midget or retard. Even when it's said with love it still sounds wrong. I got weaned off of words like that when I worked as an advocate for people with disabilities. We had to use "people first" language, which simply means you state that someone is a "person with a debilitating illness" or a "person with a hearing impairment". biggrin

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[damnatio memoriae]

hmmm... lets see. Any stares that occurred never bothered me. I'm a natural nurturer and protector so if people had a problem then that was their problem, not mine. If people asked questions, I answered them. You'd be surprised by how open people with disabilities are with talking about it. It's much better to approach and ask questions in my opinion then just stare. As for group activities... would it be possible for them to tag along and watch? If the issue is them keeping up, would a wheelchair allow them the ability to keep up? Just because they can't participate in something doesn't mean they can't observe and enjoy being out and socializing. I think that if they were uncomfortable with the activity and didn't want to continue then hopefully they would speak up and have no shame in excusing themselves. Unfortunately I'm no longer friends with her due to her lack of communicating to me what was truly going on with her. I'm not medically trained and the only thing I could do was to sit with her when she had an episode and talk to her. Other things were going on and she wouldn't be open and honest with me about about things she could and could not do. Her seizures were getting worse and one time I think that she was frozen for close to an hour. I was scared to death because, like I said I'm not medically trained, so I didn't know how to handle the situation. I told her on numerous occasions that she needs to be honest with me and she continued to lie about incredibly important stuff that I needed to know. I think that you should have a little faith in people with accepting your friend. Are they truly friends if they choose to make fun instead of give support?


Whew, it took me more than a minute to find this....

http://www.dariusgoeswest.com/

One of the most moving documentaries. Darius suffers from a form of MS that will eventually kill him. His friends decided that they were going to fulfill his dream of going west to see the Pacific. They did things with him that most other friends would shy away from. This truly shows that you can do anything you set you mind to. I hope that this inspires you!  

[chibihotachan]

Ellavemia

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Gimp is kinda like midget or retard. Even when it's said with love it still sounds wrong. I got weaned off of words like that when I worked as an advocate for people with disabilities. We had to use "people first" language, which simply means you state that someone is a "person with a debilitating illness" or a "person with a hearing impairment". biggrin

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Thanks for telling me your reasons! I like being a gimp (I have a friend who prefers cripple). I can understand your reasoning (and I do hate the term 'retard'). I think my title would be to long under that people first, though it's much nicer being called "person in a wheelchair" vs just "wheelchair". Words like gimp or cripple to me are kinda nice because it just seems to sum up the problem of not beinga able to walk or having no arms, but nothing else is wrong with them. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be called now, it changes every week.  

[chibihotachan]

damnatio memoriae

hmmm... lets see. Any stares that occurred never bothered me. I'm a natural nurturer and protector so if people had a problem then that was their problem, not mine. If people asked questions, I answered them. You'd be surprised by how open people with disabilities are with talking about it. It's much better to approach and ask questions in my opinion then just stare. As for group activities... would it be possible for them to tag along and watch? If the issue is them keeping up, would a wheelchair allow them the ability to keep up? Just because they can't participate in something doesn't mean they can't observe and enjoy being out and socializing. I think that if they were uncomfortable with the activity and didn't want to continue then hopefully they would speak up and have no shame in excusing themselves. Unfortunately I'm no longer friends with her due to her lack of communicating to me what was truly going on with her. I'm not medically trained and the only thing I could do was to sit with her when she had an episode and talk to her. Other things were going on and she wouldn't be open and honest with me about about things she could and could not do. Her seizures were getting worse and one time I think that she was frozen for close to an hour. I was scared to death because, like I said I'm not medically trained, so I didn't know how to handle the situation. I told her on numerous occasions that she needs to be honest with me and she continued to lie about incredibly important stuff that I needed to know. I think that you should have a little faith in people with accepting your friend. Are they truly friends if they choose to make fun instead of give support?


Whew, it took me more than a minute to find this....

http://www.dariusgoeswest.com/

One of the most moving documentaries. Darius suffers from a form of MS that will eventually kill him. His friends decided that they were going to fulfill his dream of going west to see the Pacific. They did things with him that most other friends would shy away from. This truly shows that you can do anything you set you mind to. I hope that this inspires you!

That's awesome (I actually knew him through clinics and ol).

It wouldn't be a problem just tagging along. More like what the group wanted to do wasn't accessible to them? How far would you be willing to go? I'm sorry she wasn't honest with you, it sounds like she could have really used someone like you who would let her open up. I know about being open with disabilities, I don't think there's a question I wouldn't answer, though I'm not one to volunteer. I especially like children and their bluntness. Parents get all uptight and that attitude really hurts because by doin that, you're just teaching the kid that disabilities are something wrong and you should be ashamed of them.  

[Noirkaze]

I have two cousins who are disabled. The eldest is only three weeks younger than me. I've grown up with them my whole life and we've always done things together. I spent most summers with them. When we were children their physical differences were not as great as they are now. It has reached the point where neither can walk because their bones have shifted out of place or in the case of the elder one, her hips have completely deteriorated.
As teens they felt very left out because they could not participate in school functions because the tiny school district they belonged to placed them in classes that well…I won’t get into that. It just pissed me off to no end. My aunt then started taking the girls to a local group that participated in sports designed for those with handicaps. I would go along to help and became friends with most of the kids in the group. We would play basketball every Wednesday night and honestly I play basketball much better in a wheelchair than I ever could on two legs. There is nothing like being body checked in a chair. I don’t know how many times I got knocked over.
This group pulled together and did social functions as well. It wasn’t exclusive and all kinds of people would show up.
These physical issues never stopped my cousins from doing what they wanted to. They both started college, although they both stopped because they were finding it too difficult, and intend of going back. The elder cousin, Amber, had a child four years ago. Granted it was extremely difficult on her body but she took the risk.
I know they are very self conscious about their appearance. The tallest is only 5 ft and their hands are crippled to the point that they have a hard time holding objects. Granted this hasn’t stopped Jen from becoming an avid gamer. Girl has half my video games right now.
I have noticed that it is harder for them to make friends because they are so shy. Because of them I had an easier time dealing with my own physical limitations when dealing with the heart issues I had. They are a set of amazing role models and I’m proud to call them family. They are more like sisters to me than cousins.  

[chibihotachan]

Noirkaze - Thank you! This really made me feel so great to read, it's really pathetic but it made me cry (I am way to emotional). It's so nice to be reminded that your sentiments do exist. You and your cousins are so lucky.