Dafthank's Goals and Journey

[Dafthank]

GOAL #1 Do better with the opposite sex.

I'm really bad with girls. I mean really, really bad. There are a lot of metaphors I could use to describe it, but I don't think any of them do my inability to talk to girls any justice.

Have you ever felt that you had two personalities? Like in high school if you acted one way around your parents and another way around your friends? My life is like that. Except with girls. Around my friends, my family, & my students, I'm kind of this cocky, arrogant, loud, party boy. But once I see a girl that I'm kinda sorta interested in, my entire brain shuts down and I go into silent film mode. It's really frustrating.

For my NYE resolution, I decided which personality was going to be me, and I chose the more confident one. Since then, a lot of my social relationships have improved with my friends and I'm closer to my family. I've always been a straightforward person, so it was never a big deal.

But as for more confidence with the opposite sex, yeah, that hasn't really happened yet. I didn't realize how stressful and nerve racking it is to approach a girl.

I've really tried though. Honestly, I've been working at it. I actually asked a girl for her name once a few weeks ago, but she was a bank teller, and she was wearing a name tag, and she had a name plate, so I kinda looked like an idiot.

Either way, I'm tired of blowing it and looking like the idiot, so I decided I'm going to not only put myself out there more, but actually try to be the "me" that I like when I am out there. So far, not so good, but at least I have a place to share my "tragically ever afters," right?  

[Dafthank]

Okay, so as dumb as this sounds, is there a right way to approach a social situation with someone of the opposite sex that you don't know? If there is, I haven't found it yet...so I figured some of you 21+ers may be able to help me out.  

[Super Buick]

ok, this may sound corny... but it actually got my fiancee to talk to me at first. here's the story:

about 5 years ago, when things with my ex were heading towards splitsville at an alarming rate, i was at a bar that i used to frequent for karaoke. there was this very attractive woman in a wheelchair that was there every week, but i didn't have the cajones to go up and talk to her. it was the constant shy high schooler thing all over again. i would watch her from a distance and every time she'd look my way i'd quickly shoot my gaze elsewhere, feeling embarrassed for looking at her. this went on for a few weeks, possibly closer to a month and a half. then one day, i decided to just go up to her and say something... anything. so i walked up to her, looked her staight in the eye, and said "how much does a polar bear weigh?" she just sat there looking at me like i had two heads and nervously said, "i dunno." i smiled sheepishly, feeling myself turn red and my palms were sweating. i swallowed hard and replied, "enough to break the ice. my name's mike. what's yours?" she laughed and commented about how unusual that line was. she told me her name and we started talking. shortly afterward we were taking pretty normally and became friends. then she started asking me about my best friend. that kinda smashed my hopes with her, but seeing as i was still in a relationship at the time, i helped get them together. 10 months later, they split up. she started talking to me on a daily basis, and the rest, as they say, is history.

so in my belief, being yourself and just putting yourself out there can have it's ups and downs, but in the end, you'll never know until you try.

sorry about the wall of text. feel free to use that line if you want to. even if it's corny, some women actually like it when a guy has a cheesy sense of humor.  

[Tairadansu]

A special thanks to:
Epiphany of Oblivion,

,
Apostolakilaristoteles,
Musika, and .[Glitter Poptart].
for helping me get my
Steel-plated Ninja band

biggrin I love men with a sense of humor, who can be himself.
The easiest thing to do, is to just start talking. It all really starts with talking, be yourself.

Dream achieved

 

[AntoniaMerEnfant]

Do you have sisters or any other female persons in your life who are natural to get along with?

I used to have problems talking to guys-- going to an all girls thing really changed that for me. Before I went away to college I lived with 3 brothers--so I looked forward to going to a school with a 99% female population. Well there I noticed that girls acted like idiots when guys were around.

I resolved-- Hey! I've got three brothers! I realized I'd always been around guys, and most of my rpg buds were guys too, I just didn't look at them as potential romantic partners. My friend Mike can vouch that when a bunch of boys collided with an all girl school (courtesy of overcrowding in the dorms at a nearby University and the undercrowding of our school...), I was the only girl to walk up to a table filled with 10 guys and talk to them no sweat.

It's a mindset of realizing the opposite sex is really just a group of people like anyone else. True, we all get a little shy and dorky when someone good looking comes along. And if all else fails, always be ready to joke about your bloopers. If you spill water on someone just call it an impromptu baptism. If you trip, call it your audition for "Dancing with the Stars". You get the theme. You can do it! smile