Welcome to Gaia! ::

I am finally working on a story I can stick to and I have about 9 pages written but there are flaws. Right now it's divided into two parts. The beginning and the rest of the story. The beginning I think I can figure out and pretty easily connect to the rest. It's the middle part that has flaws.

1) It's confusing. In the story, my character has been put under some kind of forced astral projection spell. Her body is lying in a hospital hooked up to a feeding tube and various monitors. Her "ghost form" as I'm calling it is forced to stay in the room because if she goes too far from her body, she starts to weaken and could die. Only her friends and family can see her and it gets confusing going back and forth between "ghost Tara" and her body. So, I may edit that.

2) Too much dialogue. Not enough detail. How do I cure that? Most of the dialogue is needed so the reader knows what's going on but I need detail to not only expand the story a bit more but make the length longer because I want it to eventually be a novel. (One of a series, actually, since I'm using my RP characters and using some events from RP stories as part of their past)

3) I need some real drama! There's two parts of this. Tara has a boyfriend who, at the beginning, doesn't know she's a witch and she's kept it a secret for a very long time. I currently have that when it's revealed that he forgives her. Then, I thought, no, that's boring and too good to be true. So, I need help figuring out his reaction but still have him help undo the spell.
3b- My villaness. The villaness behind this is Tara's half-sister who is a master of the dark arts and will curse anyone who looks at her wrong. She feels she's been tramatically wronged by Tara's whole family when their father divorced her mother to marry Tara's so she's out to make them suffer no matter the cost. Is this too psycho or is it lame or what? She might be a recurring character in other parts of the series. (definitely the prequels that will be written when this is complete but I'm not sure of anything after)

If you'd like to read what I have, PM me. I tried not to give too much away but some of it was necessary to get my points across about what I'm looking for. I'm so excited I have what I have because I never get more than one or two pages before getting stuck. I want to actually finish this so any advice will be appreciated.

I couldn't disagree more. Happy Endings are for children, realistic endings are for adults, I think.

A lot of action is great for some stories, others, the story is played out through dialogue.

Have you ever thought, since most of your story is dialogue, to create it into a screenplay or even a traditional script form?

That would make it possibly easier for your audience to make a difference between lying in a coma girl, and ghost but not really girl.