I don't know what to feel right now.

[Nercylla]

So, my step father whose been in my life since I was 5 years old he died about a month ago. He got pneumonia, and got admitted to the hospital and ended up dying in a nursing home. The problem I am facing, is that I am not upset, or anything. My heart is just null to the situation. I mean he a very abusive man. I had the same problem when his mother died. I cried once, and never again. It bothers me. I don't know what to feel.  

[Le Pale to the Chief]

Clairice Von Hellbond

So, my step father whose been in my life since I was 5 years old he died about a month ago. He got pneumonia, and got admitted to the hospital and ended up dying in a nursing home. The problem I am facing, is that I am not upset, or anything. My heart is just null to the situation. I mean he a very abusive man. I had the same problem when his mother died. I cried once, and never again. It bothers me. I don't know what to feel.

Have you forgiven him for the abuse he did? sweatdrop

 

[Nercylla]

Cappeh Sensai

Clairice Von Hellbond

So, my step father whose been in my life since I was 5 years old he died about a month ago. He got pneumonia, and got admitted to the hospital and ended up dying in a nursing home. The problem I am facing, is that I am not upset, or anything. My heart is just null to the situation. I mean he a very abusive man. I had the same problem when his mother died. I cried once, and never again. It bothers me. I don't know what to feel.

Have you forgiven him for the abuse he did? sweatdrop

Yes, and no. I suffered for that long, and my mother let it happen. I let it go after his death, but the emotional scars need time to heal, because even though when he was dying he never stopped with the screaming and downing all of us.  

[real eyes realize]

We all mourn differently. Even in the bible, people mourn in different ways. Some can be like David, who don't cry at all once the person dies.

• 2 Samuel 12:21-23 (NIV)
  
  21 His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”
  
  22 He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

Or like Joseph, who mourned for 70 days when his father died.

• Genesis 50:2-4 (NIV)
  
  2 Then Joseph directed the physicians in his service to embalm his father Israel. So the physicians embalmed him, 3 taking a full forty days, for that was the time required for embalming. And the Egyptians mourned for him seventy days.
  
  4 When the days of mourning had passed, Joseph said to Pharaoh’s court, “If I have found favor in your eyes, speak to Pharaoh for me. Tell him,

Or like Jacob/Israel, Joseph's father, who, despite mourning for days when he thought his child had died, spent years in bitterness over it.

• Genesis 37:33-35 (NIV)
  
  33 He recognized it and said, “It is my son’s robe! Some ferocious animal has devoured him. Joseph has surely been torn to pieces.”
  
  34 Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days. 35 All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “No,” he said, “I will continue to mourn until I join my son in the grave.” So his father wept for him.

Of course, all three examples I just listed are examples of good relationships between father and child. But it's still true: we mourn differently. And really, there's nothing we can do for them once they die. :l I'm more like David. I'm sad for like a day, then I move on. It's unfortunate that your stepfather didn't repent of his hateful ways before dying; he'll have to endure a taste of his own medicine in Hades/Sheol as he waits for his resurrection (just like the rich man who, in life, feasted every day, had clothes to spare, yet never alleviated Lazarus' pain from the heat of the sun, the dogs licking his wounds [never sent someone to tend his wounds], nor alleviated his hunger or thirst. In return? Lazarus won't come alleviate the rich man's thirst; the rich man is in the heat of his own torment in Hades i.e. Luke 16:19-31)

• Luke 16:19-31 (NIV)
  
  19 “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20 At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21 and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.
  
  22 “The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23 In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24 So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’
  
  25 “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’
  
  27 “He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, 28 for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’
  
  29 “Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’
  
  30 “‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’
  
  31 “He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’”

Once a person dies, that's it. There's no switching sides. Notice the rich man doesn't even ask Abraham to intercess on his behalf, to get him transferred to the side of comfort. The rich man knows it's too late for him. Instead, the rich man asks Abraham to send someone back from the dead to speak to his living relatives as warning so they don't come to the same place he did. Once we die, it's too late. We need to repent of wickedness, receive forgiveness for our sins, and be reconciled to God, before we die. How you mourn, as long as there's no bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart, doesn't really matter. I think it just demonstrates how close we were.  

[Lady Alethea]

Clairice Von Hellbond

Yes, and no. I suffered for that long, and my mother let it happen. I let it go after his death, but the emotional scars need time to heal, because even though when he was dying he never stopped with the screaming and downing all of us.

I have a situation similar to yours with my step Father, but it is not as frequent. I've found that the only way to keep forgiving him and to continuously change my heart is to think of either the positive things he does do sometimes or that Jesus loves him.

There is something inside of him that made him think and do the things he did, and we may never know that now. The human mind is illimitable and unknown because it differs for each person.

I will keep you and your family in prayers, my dear. I pray for softness of heart and comfort for those who might be hurting.

I can never say I fully understand the situation but I know that there is my Dad in Heaven who knows and I trust him with your heart. You are loved!

He is a good father, that's just who He is.
and you're loved by Him, that, my dear, is who you are.  

[bassamarine]

Just trust in the Lord bro. Ask him to give you a spirit of forgiveness I will pray for you an your family.