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 Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 2:29 am
I know a girl who's inlove with my boyfriend. She told me this herself and I was impressed with her for telling me this. I mean, it could happen to anyone right?
I had gently brought it up in conversation with my boyfriend and he laughed it off. He is clearly not interested. But I wonder... what if he was? I'd be happy for them, but I don't like to have her around so much. Which is purely because of her energy. It takes too much of it to from me to keep the conversation going.
That is by the way exactly why he's not interested, but that's not the point.
My question for you guys is this one:
How important is it for you that both your partners like each other? Or.. like in my case, how important is your relationship with the one you're partner is dating?
Discuss! 4laugh
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Posted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 10:24 pm
For me, I need to be able to have a 5 minute conversation with them without being drained or wanting to run them out of the house. I prefer to be able to be friends with them so we can all hang out.
So it's very important we can be polite and comfortable having a 5 minute casual conversation. Not extremely important beyond that.
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2014 9:59 pm
It's important for my primary's other partner(s) be someone I can be friends with- not close friends, but we need to be able to get along well enough to a) work together when needed, and b) have a frank discussion if something's not right. Likewise, if I have a secondary who has a primary partner, I'd like to know I can talk to them if I need to - as Facebook friends, if nothing else.
I'm a firm believer in all-partners-are-important, and firmly against typical primary rules like the veto, and firmly in favor of respect and working together to make sure everyone's needs are met and no one is getting trampled on. I'm also a firm believer in the 'open door' policy - if a metamour has a problem with me, I want them to be able to come to me about it rather than using our shared partner as a go-between.
Do I need to *like* my metamours? No, not really. I wouldn't veto them even if I hated them; I would bring up any concerns to my partner, for sure, but unless they're harming my partner (without consent) or they're intentionally attacking our relationship, I do my best to avoid meddling... because secondaries are people, too - not just toys to be disposed of when they don't suit our purposes. They deserve respect just like anyone does. (Mind - things that do affect me, like living situations, I absolutely need to like them... but this also goes for roomies, so is not strictly a poly thing.
I'm not too concerned about secondary partners' other secondary partners - mostly because that opens a can of scheduling worms I'm not quite willing to open.
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Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2014 10:58 pm
for me, if I don't like them it's generally fine as long as I don't have to be around them.
but if I don't trust them to actually treat somebody I love respectfully, that's when I get seriously bothered. I'll express my opinion, but I don't really do anything without my partner's approval.
until I see them do something seriously harmful to my partner, in which case I"m gonna beat them to within an inch of their life.
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Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2014 6:24 pm
I don't think I'd make it mandatory that my partner(s) like each other, or put that kind of pressure on myself to like a metamour (and I've been lucky so far that my partner doesn't expect us to be best friends or anything; she's actually pretty cute and sweet!). It seems like it could be pretty destructive in the long run if everyone is expected to like everyone else. Not everyone is going to get along, but at least the people involved have one person in common that they like! There's gotta be an interest or two that is shared between metamours as well. smile
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