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Tags: goth, subculture, alternative 

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a song i wrote, is it any good?

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the song lyrics are...
  really good
  not bad, but could use some work
  complete crap
  freaky as s**t O_O *backs away from you...*
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_Built_to_Offend_666

PostPosted: Tue Mar 14, 2006 5:51 pm


i pretty much guarentee this song will scare you or freak u out, but is it any good? if not, can u give feedback about what should be fixed?


CHILD'S PLAY

Once upon a time inside my head
As I lay inside my bed
They come and play all day
They won't go away, but I may
Chained by some collar of thumbtacks piercing my neck
I can't see outside my world
The blood has clot in front of my eyes
My disease makes me constantly hurl
My carcass consumed by flies
But today they raped me in the sweetest way
As I scream and moan all day

Just a child playing with a**l toys
Every smile I see is just some ploy
As they take turns licking me everywhere
And when I plead for help, all I get are cold blank stares <******** it, now I don't ******** care anymore
They can just shove this thing anywhere

{
Ignore my life
I was only built for my grave
} - [x4]

Have you seen the things that I have seen?
Have you felt the things that I have touched?
Can you eat what I have tasted?
Can you kill what I have killed?
What am I now?
Who am I now?
Where am I now?
Am I still alive?
Do I even know?
Do I even care?
All I am allowed to have is humility
All I can see is mortality
Another statistic fatality is such a normality in my reality
Everything's a lethality

{
Ignore my life
I was only built for my grave
} - [x4]

I was never really here
Biting and drilling my ears
Lost somewhere that feels so near
Road trip through the path of tears

{
I'm biting my tongue and closing my eyes
Biting my tongue until the pain goes away
} - [x4]

Mercury may kill me if I inject enough
They're all beating me, my skin's all rough
I really hoped I'd bleed out much more than this
Is there a problem with drinking piss?

Can't escape no matter where I go
I feel so empty, like a parasite without a host
And when I think I might see a light
It turns out to be just an oncoming freight
Why can't they just leave me be?
Let me escape from reality
A recluse just like I used to be
When life flowed on with much more ease
Everywhere I go is just another pitch black glow
More reminders of my internal foe
Barely got a life, yet plenty of woes
My greatest love in this world is my scapegoat
Can't escape no matter where I go

As I lie down, collapsed
Our blood spilled all over me
I fantasize about time elapsed
And pretend that for once in my life that I can see
Now I'm staring at this smiling face
I'm inside some unknown place
Now I need something to waste
In need of someone to taste
All this time and I'm still encased

Another second, another part of me is gone
Another second, another part of me is gone
Another second, another part of me is gone
One more second and I'm gone
Another second, another part of me is gone
Another second, another part of me is gone
Another second, another part of me is gone
One more second and I'm gone
Another second, another part of me is gone
Another second, another part of me is gone
Another second, another part of me is gone
One more second and I'm raw

Stuck up my hole another time
Look through my eyes and you'll go blind
She told me I'll never find her
They are all staring at me, outnumbering me
I guess I'm in for a treat
This world's got me beat
Lacerations tearing my flesh
A noose made from my intestines
My limbs thrown in the trash
I'm not permitted to enjoy eternal resting
Did I just kill again?
Or was it me who was killed this time?
Pages of my life doused in my blood
If you were here, you'd see some flood
Filling the room and spilling my soul from my veins
I'm not done until I'm completely numb

{
I want her to break, I want it to ache
} - [x12]

(Why did you leave me to let them needle my soul? You ******** murdered me! I'm going to ******** kill you, rip you to ******** pieces! I hope it was worth it, all the s**t you put me through! I ******** hate you, but you don't understand the severity. So I'll ******** show you! Drink the ******** gasoline, ******** ********! I said ******** drink it! Piece-of-s**t, I ******** hate you so ******** much! Now I can finally confess to you. Elation at your slightest lament! Just be gone! Eat this match and have a ******** blast!)
PostPosted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 12:01 pm


Really Dark and depressing. I like it.

Jevlin


..Luaxanna..

PostPosted: Sat Mar 18, 2006 4:17 pm


Wow...
It's really extreme. Interesting. I don't know if I like it or I should run in the other direction!
PostPosted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 4:21 pm


--~xi--ara~--
Wow...
It's really extreme. Interesting. I don't know if I like it or I should run in the other direction!


ya, its a freaky song, i admit it even freaks me out and i wrote it. its even freakier with all the music included. i suggest u run the other way blaugh

_Built_to_Offend_666


xXfracturedXFairytaleXx

PostPosted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 5:01 pm


thats good
PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 3:32 pm


WOW i really like that!

Frozen_Popcicle


Fallentowards

PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 2:52 pm


you have a good use of lanuage and using imagary razz ..good job now put some good music with it and you got yourself one hell of a track
PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 4:34 pm


if your song was a person i would want it in my pants hey i might print it out and do that yay i love you for this too

grotesquekreeple

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