Hello. I guess I'll start with a little background info. My name is Josh. I am the second oldest of six and the only boy. I was raised by my mother, grand-mother, and aunt (flopping back and forth between my mother & grandmother, then living with my aunt for all of high-school now I'm back with my mother). The one thing that was consistent was that I was always in church. I had been baptized at a young age but didn't know what it meant exactly. I was never really a 'bad' kid, I wasn't exactly Christian either. I recently accepted Christ in my heart last summer at a Youth Revival.
Random Break, sorry: I figured I should mention the dreams, I had in which God 'spoke' to me. In one, He shielded me from death with His light. Another I was marrying His daughter. The last I was given a very clear message that I was on a path to hell. I have no idea what they meant at the time and I have speculations now. But yeah trying to set a scene here... After the revival, I got involved with this Christian organization called Young Life (If you don't know what this is, I'll make a separate post about it at another time). That was the first step towards me beginning to actually live for Christ after accepting Him in my heart.
I try to pray and read the bible. I attended church regularly and participated in a lot of activities there. I am looking into getting involved with Young Life activities here in Tennessee. I just find it hard to live a Christian life-style by myself, if that makes any sense. Like I believe in God, he's saved me from so much and has given me so many chances. I just find it hard to stay committed to reading his word and communicating with Him when I'm not asking him for something or in a group setting. Is it wrong that I need to be held accountable before I can engage with Christ? I don't know what to say; I'm just lost. I want to get to know Him but I just let other stuff take priority and I hate myself for it...