A Question of Motive: Why We Wear Lolita

[spuntino]

Everyone who wears lolita has a different reason for putting on the frills.

Some girls are reminded of their childhoods. A few want to recapture the lifestyle of periods gone by. Others are trying to become more like their anime heroines. Still more simply enjoy the luxurious nature of the fashion. And there are even those who consider lolita an extension of a personal fetish (sexual or otherwise), in spite of the community's attempt to publicly separate from such interpretations.

Because lolita lacks a cohesive "canon" culture, the logic behind the outfits themselves varies as much from one wearer to the next as often exists between two members of opposing sub-cultures. By this, I mean that lolita still has no cohesive social motivation. We are not, as a whole, spurred to wear our ruffled dresses by political strife or civil rights. Lolita also lacks a cohesive literary and musical connection--there are musicians who wear lolita and works written about lolitas, but knowledge and appreciation of these elements are not strictly necessary to being a part of the community.

As a fashion, lolita attracts a wide variety of fans with an even wider variety of extended interests. Just because you like lolita doesn't mean you like "lolita things".

In one group of lolitas, you can meet one lolita who loves death metal, another who listens only to Korean pop music, another who only listens to the radio in the car and another who goes to the symphony on a regular basis. Similarly, you can find lolitas who are fans of the fashion without being a fan of Takemoto Novala. Or you can find lolitas who loved Lolita before finding out about the style. You can even find lolitas who read nothing but DC and Marvel comic books.

There are dozens of ways to find the style, be it involvement in an anime club, admiration of a visual kei band, a love of alternative fashion, or some other source. Even though some lolitas have similar backgrounds in finding the fashion, no two lolitas will give you the same exact answer if you ask them "why are you wearing that?"

This discussion has come up countless times, but I would like to address it in a different fashion from usual. Normally, the questions asked are "why do you wear lolita?" Today, I'm going to take things a slightly different direction.


What motive do your parents think you have for wearing lolita? Don't focus on whether they approve or not, only focus on what they think is your motive for wearing the style.
What about your significant other?
Your closest friends/family?
Your classmates/coworkers?

Why do you think other people wear lolita?

Is there a "wrong" reason for wearing lolita?
Conversely, are there any "right" reasons for wearing lolita?
Why are these reasons "right" or "wrong"?

Think about how you got into lolita. How many other people do you know who found the fashion in the same way?
 

[-Lolita_Kana-]

What motive do your parents think you have for wearing lolita?
My mother honestly didn't have much of a thought of it other than "holy goodness you're actually wearing a dress and cute things". I grew up a bit of a tom boy so the sudden interest in Lolita really threw her off for a while until she grew accustomed "to my normal odd behaviors"

What about your significant other?
My husband luckily meet me while I was getting into Lolita and makes it a habit to always pick out something nice for my birthdays and xmas from shops he knows I like :3

Your closest friends/family?
All my family pretty much consider me the weird one for dressing this way and apart from one aunt I refrain from dressing in it around them because they can be down right rude about it

Your classmates/coworkers?
My co-workers think I am crazy as it is so they think this is a norm for me.

Why do you think other people wear lolita?
Because of where I live I usually just get people asking me what part of Disney do I work in

Is there a "wrong" reason for wearing lolita?
I think wearing it to please another when you don't have a love for it but goes for any hobby for that matter. Which goes in conjunction for the right reasons, for the pure love of the fashion. Do what you love because it makes it seem all the more right and no matter what others say to you because you love it you won't care. If you do it half-hearted or because someone else asked you too, you will feel all the more self-conscious in the clothing.

Think about how you got into lolita. How many other people do you know who found the fashion in the same way?
I found it through anime conventions and I imagine a lot of other girls did too.  

[Gardenia Rose]

What motive do your parents think you have for wearing lolita?
-When I first told them about the fashion, they merely thought it was for some sort of fetish and so I was shamed for it. I stopped talking to them about what I liked and what I disliked in fear of being judged because my goal out of wearing the fashion is to feel more like how I feel on the inside. I'm not too sure a girl with a big, fluffy skirt to coordinate with a beautiful dress is something everyone aspires to be, but I suppose I shied myself away from something I wanted to be.

What about your significant other?
-Beloved likes it, but doesn't ever want to touch me in my coord in fear he will wreck it.

Your closest friends/family?
-They know me as the antique-y one, I assume they enjoy seeing me in something out-of-the-ordinary.

Your classmates/coworkers?
-The majority of co-workers I have are grandmas, and they really enjoy the fact that I wear such different outfits and tend not to bare a lot of skin on my body like a lot of others. My uni classmates don't really know much more than what I wear to class, although one knows I'm into BJD and Lolita.

Why do you think other people wear lolita?
-For personal reasons like what I do. Some may just like the look, others may like the "lifestyle".

Is there a "wrong" reason for wearing lolita?
-Other than the constant heckling of people who dislike it, probably the stigmas people give about others who wear brand/self-made/plus-sized/etc. that don't fit into the "Lolita" stereotype.

Conversely, are there any "right" reasons for wearing lolita?
-I suppose it's all a matter of who thinks what is "right", for myself I feel like it's the right thing to do in wearing this fashion, but others may not see eye-to-eye with me.

Why are these reasons "right" or "wrong"?
-As long as we are all human, people will have opposing opinions, so hopefully no one would take something too seriously about a negative or a positive reason to being the fashion.

Think about how you got into lolita. How many other people do you know who found the fashion in the same way?
-My first encounter was many aeons ago on some person's Gaia profile, so I did my research on it and BAM! Here I am today. Of course I saw it at conventions, and of course in anime, but the real people is what kick-started my love of the fashion.  

[ainsleyox]

What motive do your parents think you have for wearing lolita? Don't focus on whether they approve or not, only focus on what they think is your motive for wearing the style.
Well , My parents have always known me to be the 'Odd ball' of the family , they dont call me that to put me down , they are just so traditional and well , im not.
They think of my passion for lolita as a passing phase and think I wear it to be like 'anime characters' , either way though they are really accepting of me and the fashion , and actually like the way it looks.

What about your significant other?
He thinks I wear it because It look like a doll style.

Your closest friends/family?
My bestfriend has it in her head that I want to be Japanese , and what better way then to wear Japan's most 'out there' style.

Your classmates/coworkers?
I actually refrain from wearing Full lolita to work because I do deal with clients on a day-to-day basis. I may wear one of my blouses and a nice pencil line skirt to work , but in my co-workers eyes my loli-esque style is just a more sophisticated work attire.

Why do you think other people wear lolita?
Everyone has their reasoning to wearing it but I find the thing most of us frill-lovers have in common is lolita make us feel Pretty , more feminine , and all-in-all makes us happy.

Is there a "wrong" reason for wearing lolita?
I dont believe so , everyone is most defiantly entitled to their own reason for wearing lolita, and no one has the right to judge another for the reason.

Conversely, are there any "right" reasons for wearing lolita?
Again , if anyone is wearing lolita their reasoning is right for them.

Think about how you got into lolita. How many other people do you know who found the fashion in the same way?
I actually found the style at an anime convention back in the day.
I struck up a conversation with the group of lolita and asked them about the style and what not.
I have met a few other girls who have found lolita in that way aswell , because I find a lot of lolita do go to conventions , it is a nice place to have a meetup.  

[RogueMumei]

What motive do your parents think you have for wearing lolita? Don't focus on whether they approve or not, only focus on what they think is your motive for wearing the style.
I assume my mom thinks I wear lolita because I think it's cute and fun. Unfortunately, she still doesn't remember the name. (She calls it "anime dresses" /sigh)

What about your significant other?
I haven't had that in a couple years lol. But seeing as they were well aware of the style before we hooked up (because we had many overlapping interests) I assume they thought it was also for the same reason; because I think it's cute and nice to wear.

Your closest friends/family?
My best friend is also a lolita who has the same motivation as me. I have another close friend who is the same. My other close friends who aren't lolitas tend to cosplay, or understand. No one else in my family other than my mother is really aware of my wearing lolita because I live with her and don't wear it when we visit them.

Your classmates/coworkers?
Oh, was this for lifestyle lolitas only? I don't wear lolita to work or school. I had uniforms.

Why do you think other people wear lolita?
I've always assumed that it's because, in some way or form, they thought it was cute or appealing. Maybe many like feeling more feminine. The specifics have never really mattered to me.

Is there a "wrong" reason for wearing lolita?
Maybe if you wear it only to try and fit in or appeal to other but don't actually like or understand it yourself? If you actually like it and understand it, I don't think there's a "wrong" reason. If you actually don't care for it, why wear it?

Conversely, are there any "right" reasons for wearing lolita?
Nope.

Why are these reasons "right" or "wrong"?
I believe that fashion is all about your own likes and tastes, your own persona. So if you like it, go for it. If not, wear what you actually want to wear. Like others have said before, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, so embrace it!

Think about how you got into lolita. How many other people do you know who found the fashion in the same way?
My 3 lolita friends (who I had known prior to us all getting into lolita) got into it for the same reason as me. We liked it, so we researched and got into it. It was that simple. If people have more complicated or meaningful reasons for getting into it, good for them. If not, who cares? We all like it for some reason or another, that's what's important.  

[Toeuno]

What motive do your parents think you have for wearing lolita? Don't focus on whether they approve or not, only focus on what they think is your motive for wearing the style.

My parents have always thought I was "unlucky" in the family. To them, I was a stranger, a nobody, a phantom lurking around their house. Although I know they don't approve of me wearing lolita, I really think the main reason is that they just don't care anymore. They don't really care about what I wear anymore because to them, I'm a dead person.

What about your significant other?

Hmm..I'm not sure what it means by "significant other?"

Your closest friends/family?

I only have one real, true friend but he doesn't like to wear lolita. Although he knows the fashion fairly well, he's more into the mainstream "goth/punk" style. As for my family...well, none of my family are close to me...the ones that were are gone.

Your classmates/coworkers?

I wear lolita (mainly guro, kuro, and punk) to school but I think I'm the only one there who actually wears lolita. A lot of people misunderstand the term "Lolita Fashion."

Why do you think other people wear lolita?

Maybe because they are interested in the fashion? Maybe it helps give them a bit of self-esteem? Or maybe they just wear it for attention? I'm not all that sure, but I do know that I wear lolita because it helps me express the true me.

Is there a "wrong" reason for wearing lolita?

Personally, I don't really think so. But what angers me is that some people just wear lolita for their own sexual desires.

Conversely, are there any "right" reasons for wearing lolita?

Hmm...everyone has different opinions...mine is that there is "right" or "wrong" as long as its a "valid reason."

Think about how you got into lolita. How many other people do you know who found the fashion in the same way?

In real life, the people around me see lolita fashion as a sexual thing. Not a lot of people wear lolita in my community. I got into lolita because well...I felt it really suit me and it helped boost my self-esteem!