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The [ F U N N I E S T ] jokes in GAIA -prizes-

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  To see jokes
  To share some jokes
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Equisci

PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:01 am
W h o?
Well, many of you do not know me well, as I have just joined
the guild recently. Fear not, I am of good nature and [attempted] un-noobishness,
and have stepped up to create...
a joke thread.

W h a t ?

Here you can share any kind of hilarity, humor, and amusement for others to see. So POST ahead, but remember the ToS.

Images, Quotes, scenarios, stories. Anything.




W h y ?
Because, who doesnt love a little snort-giggle here and there?
The thread is to share your most funniest experiences on Gaia,
so feel free to post!
 
PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:05 am
P r i z e s ?
As this is my first thread, I just want to encourage people to post. So heres a deal, you make me laugh out loud, you win an Item or some Gold.
I have enough humor to laugh, so don't worry, give it a try.

*The prize's avg worth will be above the 1,000g mark, but I can't give out much, as I am not rich.

I hope this thread can get a few replies! ;D  

Equisci


Kunal Khemu

PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 9:34 am
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”  
PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 9:39 am
Equisci


Ive got a few more!

A guy meets a scarlet woman in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."


After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.. He said, "No hablo ingles."  

Kunal Khemu


Shiroad

Invisible Friend

PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 12:33 pm
Kunal Khemu

"Paint…my…house."


heehee.  
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 7:31 pm
English doesn't borrow from other languages. English drags them into dark alleys, bludgeons them senseless, and then rifles through their pockets for loose grammar.

Tips for good writing:
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. Employ the vernacular.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren't necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
13. Be more or less specific.
14. Understatement is always best.
15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20. Who needs rhetorical questions?
21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
22. Don't never use a double negation.
23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point
24. Do not put statements in the negative form.
25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
28. A writer must not shift your point of view.
29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.
32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
37. Always pick on the correct idiom.
38. The adverb always follows the verb.
39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.  


JoyRose

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 2:34 pm
An illiterate father with his educated son went on a camping trip..
They setup their tent & fell asleep.
Some hours later,

Father wakes his son & asks: Look up to the sky & tell me what u see,?
Son: I see millions of stars.
Father: And what does that tell you.?
Son: Astronomically,it tells that there are millions of galaxies & planets.
Father: slaps the son hard & says: Idiot 'someone has stolen our tent
Moral : Education ruins our common sense.  
PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:09 am
This is so cute. Good luck.  

Twilight Afternoon

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 5:47 pm
Women's Rights :p lol just kidding.  
PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 8:04 am
what will you say if you're full of food
then someone offers you more food to eat
but you feel you can still eat it
but opt to not give in?
.
.
.
.
.
Say: "Sorry, but I'm already full-ish." (foolish)

get it? sweatdrop rofl

[i dunno I use it all the time here and people/friends/family keep laughing at me at any dining place hahahaha especially when said slightly fast]  

Fimb0

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