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Kozmotis Pitchiner

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 10:26 pm


“Did you have a good day at school?” Isabelle asked, as I grabbed a cookie from the cupboard.
“Yes!” I said, sitting at the counter. “We dissected frogs in science, and I got a B on my math quiz.” Isabelle made a face.
“Dissecting? Gross. Did you like it?”
“Absolutely! It was disgustingly awesome!” I said, and she laughed. I loved her laugh; it reminded me of the bells over the door of the ice cream shop on the corner.
“Good.” She turned to the stove, stirring something. Her bright green nail polish contrasted heavily with the wooden spoon--just like Isabelle herself. “Oh, guess what we’re having for dinner?”
“What?” I asked warily. I was used to her teasing, because I could usually tell when she was doing it. But this time, I couldn't see the twinkle in her eyes, or the twitch of her lips.
“Frog guts, courtesy of your science teacher!” she cried, turning around and grinning.
“Eew!” I shouted, leaping off my chair and into the hallway. “Nasty!” She laughed, and I ran to my room.

The next morning, I woke up a little early. At first, I was going to roll over and go back to sleep, but instead I decided to please Isabelle and start getting ready early. I pulled on a t-shirt and went out into the hallway. As soon as I got to the top of the stairs, though, I instantly knew that something was wrong. There were signs of a struggle; a pile of books was knocked over, the rug was messed up, the lamp had been knocked off the table, the stack of magazines that usually sat on the coffee table was scattered across the floor, and Isabelle’s purse was on its side. My heart beat faster; Isabelle’s bedroom was downstairs. I crept slowly down, trying not to panic. I reached the bottom, and paused. Nothing happened. I went over to the kitchen and put my hand on the door. I took a deep breath, praying I wouldn’t find something awful, and pushed the door open. I screamed. On the floor, her brown eyes staring into space, her blonde hair strewn across her face, was my sister. Dead.

I dropped my backpack on the bench beside me and pulled my lunch out. Everyone sitting at that table moved away. I smirked to myself. I unwrapped my sandwich and separated its contents; lettuce, tomato, meat, and cheese. I laid them out in front of me, in alphabetical order, and ate them one by one. No one looked at me. No one spoke to me. No one passed the table I was at. I wasn’t lonely. Not anymore. After finding my murdered sister four years ago, I basically detached myself from everyone else. I had no friends, I had no family, I was alone. I ignored the four other kids in my foster home, and ate in my room. For about a year, my foster family had tried to engage me, but they gave up. I don’t even think I remembered their names. I got top grades, though, because I had nothing to do in my room but study. But my teachers didn’t congratulate me. Kind of a con of being a total outcast.

That afternoon, I walked straight past my foster mom, who was in the living room playing with two of the younger kids, and ignored the older girl, who was on the phone. I went up to my room and closed the door and threw my backpack onto my bed. I put in my ear buds, turned up my iPod, and started on my homework. I suppose it was an hour, maybe two, later when my foster brother--I’m pretty sure his name was Josh-opened my door. I didn’t look at him.
“Mom says to get your butt downstairs. We have a new sister.” He didn’t sound like he thought he could get me to come downstairs. I continued to ignore him. He sighed, and left. I smirked. Within a half hour, though, my door opened again. This time, a girl walked in. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she closed my door and leaned against it. She was tall and lanky, with smooth red hair and narrow blue eyes. She had high cheekbones and long eyelashes.
“You’re Jason, right?” I didn’t say anything. “I’m Savannah.” There was silence. “They told me about your sister. And how you found her body.” I stiffened. “I’m really sorry about that. Did they ever find the killer?” They hadn’t. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” No. “Come on. You can’t be silent forever. I know you know I’m here.” She walked over and sat on my bed. She waited a few moments, probably to see if I would do anything. “Seriously?” She sighed and got up. She started to leave, then paused in the doorway and looked back at me. “I’ll get you to talk to me. You just wait.”

*Note: Nowhere to go after this....
PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 8:31 pm


I really really like it! It's really interesting and I want to find out about what happens next. Maybe you could describe Isabelle more in the beginning? So it would be a greater loss to the reader when she died. I love it though. And I sense something going on with the main character and Savannah...

LavenderFields


Kozmotis Pitchiner

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 9:03 am


LavenderFields
I really really like it! It's really interesting and I want to find out about what happens next. Maybe you could describe Isabelle more in the beginning? So it would be a greater loss to the reader when she died. I love it though. And I sense something going on with the main character and Savannah...

;D
PostPosted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 7:22 pm


you cud seriously turn this into a bestselling book

CottonPopKroo
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ILoveTalkingOranges808

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:30 pm


Awesome. I like how it started out so light-hearted and then 'dead'.
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