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 Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 5:56 pm
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Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 9:19 pm
Okay, first let me say...It sounds like you're in high school. I do NOT mean this in a religious way, but I think you should stay abstinent from sex for now.
I do have a good reason for this...you're pretty much confused in so many ways and I think sex would make you very depressed and even more so confused >_<
But I do think you should trust people to treat you as a male in relationships, because polyamory IS about love, yeah? :3
Do you look male? Short hair? Binding? etc. if so, it should be easy x3
Relationships are about trust...you're going to need to find someone you trust, who is open to all these things..Bah i just dont see it happening in a high school setting >___<
But there is ALWAYS hope hun, just keep a positive outlook heart
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Posted: Thu Feb 25, 2010 12:23 pm
Well I think that maybe you should give the people of your school a chance. It sounds like you're ready to paint them all with the same self-absorbed, stupid, overly dramatic, short-sighted, closed minded brush. Have you stopped to think that perhaps you're being overly judgmental? Not everyone in your school is like that (I don't know them and yet I'm certain of that fact) and honestly even if some share some of these traits they probably have more about them that you're not even realizing.
Try to put aside your assumptions about them all and get to know them a little better when the opportunity arises. Sit beside them, ask questions, talk with them and learn more about them when you can. Instead of separating yourself from them, try including yourself. Join a club or team that you find interesting, talk to your club/team mates, use the common interest to help start conversation and create connections.
The trust will come with time and strength of connections. For now I'd say don't worry too much about the dating scene. It opens up a lot once you leave high school. Yes, I know what it's like to live in a small town and yes I understand how stifling it can be. But for now, just chill out and enjoy your friendships. If the opportunity to date comes along, I'm not saying ignore it and push it away, just try not to sweat too much about there not being many opportunities at this point. Keep your eyes open but otherwise just relax.
Oh and just a little note: The bubbly/innocent types aren't always as "innocent" as you think they are, and if they are they don't always want to be. Don't deny yourself an opportunity just because you've made an assumption on their character and motivations. Even if it's someone you think you know really well, there is always more to learn about someone.
And finally: Please don't make assumptions about other people's sexuality or lives. Even if they use it to garner attention that doesn't mean their attractions are genuine. Or perhaps they do these things not for the attention but because they are experimenting themselves and people just pay more attention to it. You cannot know why someone calls themselves by any label just by looking at the surface of their actions. I would also appreciate if you do not make judgments on other people's lives and use words like slut and whore as derogatory terms in this guild. While our focus is on polyamory we are supportive of many other lifestyles as well which can include 'slut'-type lifestyles. (As long as they are conducting themselves in a healthy manner, and if not we are here to help point them in the direction of the healthy and respectful manners-not pass judgment and degrade them).
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Posted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 10:09 am
Compromise. Unfortunately, this means your identity too. Your identity is never fixed and it's not healthy to believe it is. Some aspects of yourself will grow more solid while others are just a phase. It sounds to me like you're already typecasting yourself with a fixed identity. Mame speaks wise words regarding your perspective on the outside world.
Does it truly matter how people perceive your sexual preferences? In essence, you draw people to you or push them away based on your friendliness rather than on your sexual preferences. Sure, people are judgmental, but that means you're RESPONSIBLE for taking the INITIATIVE in dispelling myths about yourself and showing that you're genuine and friendly.
Everyone is weird. You're no different. Some people just hide their weirdness better than others. To be blunt, from the way you described yourself, you seem EXTREMELY NORMAL compared to a good lot of people in my different social circles in real life.
Isolating yourself from the rest of the world isn't weird because more and more people are doing it. But just because it isn't weird doesn't mean it's not a problem you need to fix.
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Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 3:34 pm
...I just realized I spelled Confused wrong in the title. xD I'm so "Comfused" by my inability to spell! >w<"
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 7:38 pm
I would like to update this, as many things have happened since I started this thread, and I'm in a slightly different situation.
Since the first post I have started testosterone, learned to be more comfortable in my environment, make myself seem as respectable as I really am instead of acting like I'm crazy, somewhat gotten into a semi-relationship with two guys over the internet (Who are both, interestingly enough, transgender.) am seven days from graduating from high school, and may be about to get my first (legitimate) job.
I still have some of the same problems as I did before, such as being basically a dating-area "untouchable," but I do feel like I'm one step closer to a breakthrough.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 9:00 pm
I'm glad you're starting to be more comfortable. That really is a big step for most in their life, accepting and being comfortable with who they are. It also helps others accept you too. I know this from experience.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 10:46 pm
Sparky the Panda -------- Bisexual. There are a lot of bisexual people around here, but they are mostly slutty girls looking to impress the guys and get more d**k. Whores. Don't be something you aren't. Just DON'T. Would you be willing to skip the Whoraphobic slur? It makes me uncomfortable- like using any characteristic to degrade others based on something a person doesn't like about the group and I tend to put it on the same level as transphobic slurs or racial slurs. Quote: -------- Wiccan. There are a good few of those around here, but we mostly have to hide who we are. Oh cool! Which tradition are you an initiate of? Has your HP and HPS been helpful in supporting you in your transition? How about your bisexuality or your poly-ness? Quote: -------- Weird. That's right, weird. I act strange and different to protect myself. It's not that I'm not weird anyway--I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not--, but I know how people hate each other and mess with each other's heads. I entered high school (my first public education ever) with this idea in mind, so I separated myself from everyone. That has protected me from the bad people, and even gotten me a few really good friends who I love and trust. But it makes it hard to let my guard down and reach out. Everyone thinks I'm invincible and comes to me for help. I know how that is. sweatdrop Quote: Anyway, all these things getting in my way, I'm not really fully developed. I have a pretty bad image of my body, and I don't trust anyone to not treat me like a female in a relationship. I feel that even if someone said they'd treat me like a man, they'd be lying or they'd be unable to see me that way. Plus, most people are too scared of me to date me. That, or I've gotten so self-isolated that I feel that either they are not worthy of me, or I'm not worthy of them. In one case, I can't approach a person I'm crushing on because I don't want to taint them. (This person is innocent and extremely adorable.) Another factor is that I'm the only truly bisexual guy in school. The gay boys are just gay. The straight boys are just straight. The gay boys assume I'm too straight, the straight boys assume I'm too gay, and nothing ever happens. A lot of that stuff is typical for that age range in general, that is to say while people who have traits like you and I have go through different stuff- the people who are straight, cis, mono, Christian and "normal" still have a lot of insecurity. It sounds like you could use a good therapist- and I say that as someone who has been there. Quote: Another thing is that people are kind of scared/overly-fascinated by/with Wiccans. They don't call Wiccans "The Hidden Children of the Goddess" for nothing- maybe keeping your role as one of the Wica to yourself is in your best interest. Quote: One final factor is that I'm way more mature and way smarter than most of the kids at my school. I'm not being self-centered. The kids at my school are self-absorbed, stupid, overly dramatic, short-sighted, closed minded idiots. I don't like to interact with them because they are stupid. They probably feel the same way about you- empathy with their struggle doesn't usually come easy. Keep in mind you don't need to find your soul mates today or tomorrow, a lot of the kinds of transitions you're talking about can be a lot for partners, friends and family members to deal with, and while you're not alone (my PM box is always open and this guild is awesome!) there is a lot on your plate- adding the responsibilities that come with having partners might not be the best thing for you right now. Given how much is going on in your life- I'd give these four pieces of advice in order of importance: 1- Get a good therapist, someone who is poly, trans, bi and pagan friendly. 2- Talk to your HP and HPS and other people you trust. While Circle isn't a "feel good magical therapy session" elders in the Craft might have some insight for you. My HPS quotes the Lady to me when she's moved to- and while she's not my therapist, she is invested in my wellbeing as a friend and teacher. As long as you can distinguish those 2 roles, I'm sure your HP and HPS would be happy to help. 3- Remember that so much of this stuff is a journey- you don't need to rush towards the end because the process, while difficult, frustrating and sometimes painful- is also transformative. Accepting and embracing your body in general and the transformation you're working towards to make it fit you, your path as an Initiate, and your personal relationships- none of this stuff poofs into perfection over night. I wish it could sometimes too- but it just doesn't work that way. I'm glad hormones are helping! I hope they continue to do so and whatever forms of treatment you receive help you. 4- Don't worry about finding bisexual poly partners. Look to find good friends, know with your trust issues that can be a struggle. I'm not you- but I've been in a similar position in my life. I grew up being the strong one that everyone turned to- so there wasn't really a break for me in that. There wasn't anyone I could be vulnerable with. That changed when I met Annette- but Annette and I didn't start our relationship as a romance, we were friends first- friends with lots of common interests. whee Friends that have a lot in common with you- they can make the best of lovers if your hearts grow together like that. Good luck- and this guild and it's members are here for you. heart
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 5:06 pm
@Esiris
1. I'm sorry. I'll try not to judge. I've been working on doing that, recently. I guess I'm more judgmental than I thought, but I'm going to try to remedy that.
2. I don't know what you mean by traditions or HP/HPS.
3. My religion and sexuality and poly-ness are...Not really driving factors in my transition, but they definitely don't hold me back. They wouldn't be mine if they did.
4. I'm actually out as Pagan. Most people ignore it, a few are curious about it, and I've only had two people ever be in the least bit antagonistic about it, and that was a long time ago and just barely. I mean, I don't show it off and brag, but if someone asks me what my religious beliefs are, I unabashedly answer.
5. I know I need to stop being so high and mighty. I also need to stop expecting things to happen right away and perfectly. I'm just struggling a bit. I love where I am in life, but it's also a bit stale. I have been making little progress for a long time. Now, all of a sudden, a huge amount of progress is coming, and I'm scared.
6. I do have a good therapist who is trans, bi, and pagan friendly. Polyamory has never come up in our conversations, so I wouldn't know about that.
7. I do have a friend and teacher who is very wise and I can always go to her for help. It's a very good situation.
8. Thank you very much, Esiris. I know there isn't much I can do, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll listen in return.
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 5:44 pm
Sparky the Panda 1. I'm sorry. I'll try not to judge. I've been working on doing that, recently. I guess I'm more judgmental than I thought, but I'm going to try to remedy that. I really appreciate that- thank you. heart Quote: 2. I don't know what you mean by traditions or HP/HPS. Wicca is a specific religion in paganism- it's an initiatory mystery tradition that has specific practices designed to allow the members of the religion experience those Mysteries. There are a handful of Wiccan traditions- and I'm sad to say a lot of other very good religions that aren't Wiccan that mislead people into calling those religions a title they're not. These religions aren't bad- they can be exceptionally fulfilling! They're just not Wicca in the same way they're not Judaism or Christianity. 3nodding Wicca is a religion made up entirely of Priests and Priestesses- and each coven has it's leaders who are trained to lead the coven. These people are the High Priest and High Priestess. My HPS is kink, poly, bi and trans friendly- and respectful of other religions I follow. I'm seeking with a Gardnerian Coven myself- they're good people, and if you ever want to trade notes on seeking and finding a good coven, I'm happy to help. Quote: 3. My religion and sexuality and poly-ness are...Not really driving factors in my transition, but they definitely don't hold me back. They wouldn't be mine if they did. That's good. 3nodding Quote: 4. I'm actually out as Pagan. Most people ignore it, a few are curious about it, and I've only had two people ever be in the least bit antagonistic about it, and that was a long time ago and just barely. I mean, I don't show it off and brag, but if someone asks me what my religious beliefs are, I unabashedly answer. I'm glad that your experiences are on the positive side! heart Quote: 5. I know I need to stop being so high and mighty. I also need to stop expecting things to happen right away and perfectly. I'm just struggling a bit. I love where I am in life, but it's also a bit stale. I have been making little progress for a long time. Now, all of a sudden, a huge amount of progress is coming, and I'm scared. I know how scary that can be. 3nodding I hope all these changes go smoothly- and for good news or a shoulder to cry on, I and lots of other people are here for you. heart Quote: 6. I do have a good therapist who is trans, bi, and pagan friendly. Polyamory has never come up in our conversations, so I wouldn't know about that. That can make a world of difference- anything that you share with us or feel bad about, I'm sure they can help you too. Quote: 7. I do have a friend and teacher who is very wise and I can always go to her for help. It's a very good situation. That's good to know- and as you seek, you might find even more resources. I hope wherever your path takes you, you find answers and good people to enrich your life as much as you enrich theirs. Quote: 8. Thank you very much, Esiris. I know there isn't much I can do, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll listen in return. Thanks Sparky! heart
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 6:25 pm
I don't really know much about what you are saying. I'm not really into Wicca specifically. I only said that because I didn't know about the blanket term Paganism which, since my discovery of it, I have figured out is more right for me than Wicca. It's pretty hard for me to categorize and label my "type" of Paganism. I mean, it's so varied and personal. No one has a faith precisely like mine. I mean, I know the facts about it, but I don't know about any of the titles and stuff like that.
And the priest of my coven is very accepting of things like this. So is the priestess. The priest is gay, and most of the rest of us are at least bisexual. We have two people who are straight, but they are allies. As for being transgender and polyamorous...I'm pretty sure I'm the only one. But they still seem to accept it. Well, I think so. They definitely accept the first, but we don't really talk about polyamory almost ever.
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