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 Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 1:03 pm
Empty
Empty is the Sky before the Sun wakes up.
Empty are the Eyes of Caged Animals.
Empty are the Faces of Women in the Morning that find everything has been Taken from them.
And me?
Dont ask me about being Empty.
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 7:41 am
Add more lines, repetition makes poems and speeches stronger.
"Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, we are free at last!"
What if he just said it once?
Also, try to use stronger words, or add words to make the sentence stronger. For example, in the third line you could have put in, "Must," in between "That," and "find."
"Empty is the Sky before the Sun wakes up!
Empty are the Eyes of the Caged Animals!
Empty are the Eyes of the Enslaved!
Empty are the Souls of the Men who have wrought War!
Empty are the Faces of the Women who in the morning, must find everything that has been Taken from them!
What does it mean to be Empty?
Don't ask me.
The answer is self-evident."
Something like that, but did you see how I put exclamationm marks on each line except the last three? The tone is brought done, making it serious, and the spacing of the last line from the rest.
Poems usually represent the feeling of someone. Do you want people to think that your feelings aren't strong?
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 6:32 pm
after Dont ask me put ... this is just my opionion but it makes a good dramatical statement. ^_^
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Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 11:08 am
Katie Wildheart after Dont ask me put ... this is just my opionion but it makes a good dramatical statement. ^_^ Just the same as putting so much space between the last two lines.
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