Welcome to Gaia! ::

Keeping with the semi-military thing above, I'll post another similar funny.



The Chief of Staff of the Army asked his Sergeant Major, who was both Ranger and Special Forces qualified, which organization he would recommend to form a new anti-terrorist unit. The Sergeant Major responded to the General's question with this parable: If there were a hijacked DELTA 747 being held by terrorists along with its passengers and crew and an anti-terrorist unit formed either by the Rangers or the Special Forces was given a Rescue/Recovery Mission; what would you expect to happen?

Ranger Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If the Rangers went in, they would send a Ranger company of 120 men with standard army issue equipment.

Mission Preparation: The Ranger Company First Sergeant would conduct a Hair Cut and boots inspection.

Infiltration Technique: They would insist on double timing, in company formation, wearing their combat equipment, and singing Jody cadence all the way to the site of the hijacked aircraft.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived, the Ranger company would establish their ORP, put out security elements, conduct a leaders recon, reapply their face cammo, and conduct final preparations for Actions on the OBJ.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would be completed within one hour; all of the terrorists and most of the passengers would have been killed, the Rangers would have sustained light casualties and the DELTA 747 probably would be worthless to anyone except a scrap dealer.

Special Forces Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If Special Forces went in, they would send only a 12 man team (all SF units are divisible by 12 for some arcane historical reason) however, due to the exotic nature of their equipment the SF Team would cost the same amount to deploy as the Ranger Company.

Mission Preparation: The SF Team Sergeant would request relaxed grooming standards for the team.

Infiltration Technique: The team would insist on separate travel orders with Max Per Diem, and each would get to the site of the hijacking by his own means. At least one third of the team would insist on jumping in.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived , the SF Team would cache their military uniforms, establish a Team Room, use their illegal Team Fund to stock the unauthorized Team Room Bar, check out the situation by talking to the locals, and have a Team Meeting to discuss the merits of the terrorists' cause.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would take two weeks to complete and by that time all of the terrorists would have been killed, (and would have left signed confessions); most of the passengers would be ruined psychologically for the remainder of their lives; and all of the women passengers would be pregnant. The DELTA 747 would be essentially unharmed, the team would have taken no casualties but would have used up, lost or stolen all the "high speed" equipment issued to them.

Congratulations. You've just made Satan i mean... Santa laugh! lol

Church Bulletin Funnies

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.


The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
tonight: Searching for Jesus.'


Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in
the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.


Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid
of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.


The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled
due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile
at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care
much about you.


Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.


Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,'
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the
choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in
the church. So ends a friendship
that began in their school days.


At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will
be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.


Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition
of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.


Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you want remembered.


The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.


Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to
follow.


The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday
afternoon.


This eve ning at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come
prepared to sin.


Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at
10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
after the B.S. is done.


The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.


Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday
at 7 PM. Please use the back door.


The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.


Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
Church. Please use the large double
doors at the side entrance.


The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing
campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge...Up Yours'

rofl