What You See...
Alrighty people, this is really a fan fiction for InuYasha. This is a Kagome-centered story, and I have the first three chapters posted already on fanfiction.net. I'm planning on re-writing those three chapters and I wanted some advise/opinions/constructive criticism. I know for sure that I am adding more discription, changing some of the wording, and lengthening it. Please let me know what you think!
In the front yard of a huge house that rested near the river an eight year old girl in a pink party dress watched as her world fell apart around her. "Mommy, Daddy!! Souta, Grampa!!" As the girl shouted the names of her loved ones she tried to run toward the house only to be stopped by a strong arm around her waist. The sobbing girl turned to see what had stopped her. Behind her was a man in formal clothing. He was the man restraining her. Behind him an old man wearing strange old clothes, holding his hand was a young boy about six years old. Resting a hand on his shoulder was a woman wearing a dinner dress.
The strange thing about the bunch was at first they were transparent but were now rapidly solidifying. The young girl just stood there staring at them, then the tears started again. "But you...and the house...with the scary thing!!" The group just stood there. Then began to float up in the sky, becoming first transparent then invisible. "NO! WAIT YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!! DON'T GO!!" The man opened his mouth but as he lost visibility it seemed that he also lost speech. "No...accident...your fault...love..." was all that came out before there was nothing but air. "No, no, no" the girl repeated to herself over and over.
"No, it's alright. I swear I'll tell you son not to sell your wedding ring." A tired girl assured.
"Thank you so much," the seemingly solid old woman sighed in relief. Her form floated up gently, losing it's shape as it progressed. "Be sure to tell him I love him" were the last words the ghost uttered on earth.
"Another day, another ghost." Kagome Higurashi sighed. She had just graduated from high school and was now on summer break. And instead of hitting the beach, I'm tracking down the affairs of the deseased. How normal is it for an 18 year old to see ghosts? Every day was like some TV drama her friend Sango would watch. Sango has no idea of Kagome's 'special talent' and Kagome was planning on keeping it that way.
Kagome left the alley and walked into the brightly lit street to her car. As she drove to her house, she turned her radio on. A favorite of her's came on as the radio cackled to life and Kagome was pretty much helpless but to sing along. Albeit quietly, having used up most of her energy. She was sooo sleepy. Kagome had been 'ghostersizing' every night for the past two weeks. Needless to say she was tired. As the song ended, a slower one came on. Kagome felt her eyelids droop. Just one little nap.
Unfortunatly, Kagome was still driving, and sleeping and driving weren't exactly a great mix. Good thing for her, gas stations were still open. Kagome ran into one and bought herself some hot chocolate. She couldn't stand the taste of gas station coffee.
Finally Kagome got the small house that she and Sango rented. There was a light on in the living room window. Oh great! How am I gonna explain to Sango why I was out on a Monday night at 11 pm? Tell the truth? My butt'll be in an asylum before I can say the word ghost. Kagome let herself in through the front door and was releived to see that her freind had fallen asleep watching TV. She turned off all the lights, covered Sango with a blanket, then went to her room. She quickly changed into her night clothes and fell asleep on top of her covers.
Well, bad? Horrible? Cookie monster?
