marriage and all that stuff

[ladiebird]

this is a thread i found and it interested me.
http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/lifestyle-discussion/i-don-t-want-a-wedding-you/t.43354173/

i have never been interested in kids, buying a home, having a wedding or even marriage. and agree with the first post. though i can understand the other view points.
but alot of people are like "you'll change your mind when you grow older" im 20 and i know for a fact that kids/babies and being tied down repulses me. i think that if theres any chance that i have to cook/clean n be someone elses stuff grates across my personality. [im independant].
but my friend argued that something that made me think i might have ideas of marriage a bit twisted .. discuss what marriage is? because i dont think i know anymore...

also i have to say i know there are people who are traditional, or believe otherwise and i respect that. i just think that the way that weddings are put that once a woman is married thats the pinacle of her life ... but i dont think that marriage/weddings should be the ultimate goal. [this idea struck from the thread link]

just voicing my ideas and want to hear yours openly. sorry for the long text.. not sure exactly what it is about marriage and weddings that put me off but i think you got an idea of my views  

[Thaliat Everwood]

I understand people wanting to be married and all...what I don't get is the massive waste of money people are willing to expend to achieve marital status. Granted, it is their money to do with as they will, but I will not make any extravagant expenditures to do so if my time comes. I'm not planning to get married, though stranger things have happened. I rather enjoy being free to come and go as I please without having to worry about anyone else fussing over me. I'm not looking for marriage. That is my choice. Doesn't mean it won't happen, and if it does happen it won't by any means be traditional..no church, no banquets, no guests. We'll get the license and pay the fee, and that will be sufficient.


For the record, I may not be looking for marriage, but I have a boyfriend...we just have an understanding that he is not to propose because I'm not looking for marriage at this time.  

[aretoo]

Wellll... what a big ol' can of worms...

@Thal: Weddings are one of those rite-of-passage things, I think, and people like to make it an "event", much like many do for graduations, or milestone birthdays, or anniversaries (of weddings. or otherwise); people, as a general rule, aren't necessarily sensible about such things. smile

As for weddings... as a gay guy, I kinda come at it from a slightly different angle. I've beginning to believe that "wedding" should be reserved for religious ceremonies, and civil ceremonies for the legal niceties. I believe that it's a nice sign of commitment for a couple, and would perhaps, if the right person is there, like to do it myself one of these days. *shrug* For what it's worth. smile  

[wakusei]

I think a lot of people just like the actual wedding ceremony because it's excuse to gather all your friends and family at the same place and all celebrate together, not to mention gather gifts and money to help better sustain the couple. Some people will put more emphasize on the wedding than others, just like some people will put more importance on marriage than others.
I've know people, both men and women, who just really like the thought of being married and place that as an important life goal. I don't think that's a bad thing, just like I don't think it's a bad thing if someone doesn't desire to ever get married.
I, myself, would rather just take things as they come. If one day I get married, I'm sure I'll be happy. If I never get married, I'm okay with that too. I can't ever imagine a big wedding though. Not so much because of spending, but just because I don't like being the center of attention... sweatdrop

 

[Thaliat Everwood]

aretoo

@Thal: Weddings are one of those rite-of-passage things, I think, and people like to make it an "event", much like many do for graduations, or milestone birthdays, or anniversaries (of weddings. or otherwise); people, as a general rule, aren't necessarily sensible about such things. smile

Rite-of-passage or historical property exchange, it just depends on how far back you want to go in the history of marriage and weddings. My understanding is that, aside from the religious aspect, weddings and marriage were a way of gaining property, money, social status. Historically, such unions often had little to do with love. This is why I don't particularly feel a need to partake in such a rite-of-passage for myself. At least a large part of the historical aspect is lost on those partaking in nuptials these days. Unions based on love are better than the unions based on property gain.

People can have their celebrations as they want, and that includes how much they choose to spend on them. I just would see it as a waste of money if I were to do the same, so I choose to be more sensible. I never cared for extravagance anyway. wink  

[ladiebird]

Thaliat Everwood

aretoo

@Thal: Weddings are one of those rite-of-passage things, I think, and people like to make it an "event", much like many do for graduations, or milestone birthdays, or anniversaries (of weddings. or otherwise); people, as a general rule, aren't necessarily sensible about such things. smile

Rite-of-passage or historical property exchange, it just depends on how far back you want to go in the history of marriage and weddings. My understanding is that, aside from the religious aspect, weddings and marriage were a way of gaining property, money, social status. Historically, such unions often had little to do with love. This is why I don't particularly feel a need to partake in such a rite-of-passage for myself. At least a large part of the historical aspect is lost on those partaking in nuptials these days. Unions based on love are better than the unions based on property gain.

People can have their celebrations as they want, and that includes how much they choose to spend on them. I just would see it as a waste of money if I were to do the same, so I choose to be more sensible. I never cared for extravagance anyway. wink

interesting point of view ,never thought about it that way though i should know about that aspect of social life from classics..  

[ladiebird]

aretoo

Wellll... what a big ol' can of worms...

@Thal: Weddings are one of those rite-of-passage things, I think, and people like to make it an "event", much like many do for graduations, or milestone birthdays, or anniversaries (of weddings. or otherwise); people, as a general rule, aren't necessarily sensible about such things. smile

As for weddings... as a gay guy, I kinda come at it from a slightly different angle. I've beginning to believe that "wedding" should be reserved for religious ceremonies, and civil ceremonies for the legal niceties. I believe that it's a nice sign of commitment for a couple, and would perhaps, if the right person is there, like to do it myself one of these days. *shrug* For what it's worth. smile

commitment is the point my friend tried to argue. since iv never been a romantic or had any fantastical ideas about marriage. and now have a bf who seems to be very commited to me.. my friend said getting married/marriage is the symbol of commitment.

not trying to sound to negative about it but maybe i am more naive than i think, that being independant means being free and taking care of myself. being legally commited to someone to me feels like taking away abit of that freedom.. im an open type of person where i wouldn't mind the idea of having more than one boyfriend but im also aware that having a boyfriend who might have different ideas.. but in marriage that seems bad..? [im meaning in case of consenting both open relationship not selfishness]..

edit: re-read that and i didnt realise i got to get somethings sorted.. xp  

[Elcia]

Ladiebird its sounds like you are an independent person who has no place in your life at the moment for the responsibilities of a family. And that is just fine regardless of being 20, you are young still and have plenty of time to get to that bridge and cross it if you find that that is something you want.

Don't worry that friends are getting married and pressure like that. I know someone who felt that she needed to get married because all her friends were and I don't think she is happy with herself and as far as I know she hasn't found anyone, no doubt she probably comes across a little desperate.

As for huge extravagant weddings I don't believe in them either. I guess its because I don't like tons of attention. If I ever get married it will be a very small wedding, other than that I have never thought of it much.  

[Stalker of the nite]

I agree marriage isn`t 4 every1, 4 me it is though. I can`t imagine spending my life without my gf. As for wife things, I don`t bleive in that. I do dishes and cook jest as much as she does.  

[sahihen]

I don't like being married or the thought of it because I don't want to be tied down. I want to do whatever I please. One day I could be in rome the other in new york and I wouldn't want someone calling me just to touch base and say they miss me. I don't want someone to baby me when I'm sick or yell at when they put the toilet paper on the roll wrong.
I'd rather live on my own and do things independantly.
I also like change and new things but my anxiety prevents me from doing that now, but when I get a better job and can do more things being married could hinder what I want to do.

Good to hear I'm not the only one if married wouldn't want a ceramony. lol.  

[Xikrai the Risen]

I can tell I don't believe in marriage as strongly as my fiance does. And lately, I must admit I'm really starting to think there is such a thing as finding that other person too soon. I just feel restricted nowadays, and like she's just gonna start to distract me during the times I don't need to be distracted. I feel that she can blow off things that I can't for me/us. I just can't take myself to her level. I don't need another person in my life to be happy, seems like she does and I don't like it. I don't feel like I know what I'm doing anymore, and think I jumped into it because I thought "Hey, we're going to be together anyways. Why don't we get engaged?!" I just didn't realize the can of worms I opened up in that act alone. She started acting different, and I was supposed to act different in her eyes. And I thought I was just reassuring her "I promise to stay with you." Blah....I'm done taking a dump on this thread now.  

[ladiebird]

sahihen and xikrai have points i can agree with.
marriage is being together forever [at least traditionally it is] and for people who are independant its kinda like having to accept you will share on some things [that you may never have had to do before in your life] and bar on your freedom.. it in my mind could lead to arguments if you like me have this kind of issue 'what about us'-once a couple, sometimes are expected to make decisions as a couple? we are all individuals as on our own or with a partner but yea here is where freedom [subjective opinion of point where one believes its their OWN will and not someone else]

also thats what im kinda hinting at, i didnt think of it in those words. changing behaivour.. getting married can change peoples views of their partner because its more permanent and a whole big thing in some peoples views. if people acted/treated each other the same even after getting married im sure you know what your getting yourself into, if they start to irritate you on things or decisions that you didnt think about before theres the 'can of worms'