Bakura Amane's Dreams, Goals, Journeys, etc.

[Bakura Amane]

Here's my first of many posts to follow in this subforum.

GOAL 1
My number one goal right now is to be able to get into an elevator alone and not panic. I've actually gotten a lot of "first downs" if you will (sorry I like American football).

I got into an elevator with my mom (under protest) about a month or so ago and since then I've gotten into elevators with as many as 10 people and as few as one other person. 3nodding

Now I've noticed that I do quite well when I'm not alone, but I still can't get into an elevator alone yet. I HAVE been able to get into one and not panic. That's been a bit easier lately, but I still will not get into one alone.

GOAL 2
Finish this term sanely. I say this because lately, work has been getting in my way of studying and causing me to go insane. I find myself unable to sleep at a decent time because I'm constantly doing homework at odd hours since work keeps calling me in either earlier or on days I don't work and really shouldn't or can't. I'd really like to quit this job if financially I can. I don't like the people there and I don't like dealing with the public any more. 'Nough said I think.

MORE GOALS TO COME...  

[Super Buick]

ah, another claustrophobic one, i see. i had the same problem with elevators when i was a bit younger. i broke it by just getting into one alone. ride it up one floor. your pulse will race and your heart will feel like it's gonna pop out of your chest, but you'll make it. keep doing it until you're slightly comfortable (or not as nervous) of going up one floor alone. then try two floors. keep this going. honestly, it won't break you of your fear completely, but it makes riding in it a lot more tolerable. personally i have a tendancy of holding my breath in elevators. good luck. let me know if my suggestions help you out with that.

as for work cutting into your homework time, when they call you to come in on your time off or want you to stay late, just say no. they shouldn't hold it against you if they know you're carrying a heavy school load. and if they are holding it against you, then perhaps it's time you find a job that's more flexible with your school sceduling.

i wish you the best of luck and if you ever need a listening ear, i'm more than happy to lend one.  

[Bakura Amane]

Thanks for the advice and offer for your ear to listen to me once in a while. 3nodding I appreciate that. blaugh  

[Super Buick]

no need to thank me bakura. you'd do the same for me. after all, that's what friends do.  

[Bakura Amane]

GOAL UPDATE!

GOAL 1
As of yet I have not forced myself into the elevator by myself. I came close last night. I just missed the elevator as it was going up to the 3rd floor from the parking garage. I looked around and saw someone coming. I smiled to myself and jumped up and down (in my head). "Good," I thought to myself, "I won't have to go alone!"

I don't panic (at least as of late) when I'm in the elevator. As a matter of fact, I've decided that if I do ever get nervous or panicky (is that word?!) I will put my mp3 player on and listen to some of my favorite songs! (After thought: Mmm, maybe that'd work if I ever have to go in one alone, too. Mmm. neutral )

GOAL 2
I have signed up for a retreat (the same one I got sick on last time), which will hopefully help me re-center my life and keep me sane. I have also started applying for other places that I have been told by numerous people that not only offer more money, but they also are more flexible AND have benefits! YAY! I may actually get to stop paying so much for my insurance! That would be nice. 3nodding

Homework has slowed a bit. I still have a lot to do, but I have learned to manage my time by scheduling less time to work on big projects and not rush myself. Speakin of which, tonight I will begin working on my "new" project for about an hour and then continue tomorrow, Monday morning, and Tuesday during the day (each for an hour) to finish texturing my original character for class Tuesday night because my professor says it takes roughly 4-5 hours to get it done correctly. I figure if I run into problems I will call him and see if I can come in early Tuesday for help. 3nodding

NEW GOAL!

GOAL 3
I have to decide which class or classes to take this summer so I can stay on schedule to graduate in 2011. The first 3 are required and the last 2 are physical education electives (of which I only need to take one).

Principles of Management (meets MTWR 9:30-10:45 AM or ONLINE)
Digital Narratives (meets MTWR 11:00-12:15PM)
MIDI Music Production (meets MTWR 11:00-12:50PM)
Bowling (meets at various times and days, but also an additional 16 hours on the modular schedule...what's modular mean? confused )
Archery (meets Tuesday 9:30-11:20AM)

I need to solve this goal soon! The deadline for registering for classes is in two weeks I think.  

[Bakura Amane]

GOAL UPDATE!

GOAL 3
I met with a school advisor/counselor about what classes to take over summer and we settled with taking Principles of Management and Digital Narratives.

I also ultimately decided that he will become my personal advisor/counselor until I graduate. 3nodding He's very understanding, nice, and reminds me a lot of my dad. blaugh

NEW GOALS!

GOAL 4
I am trying to lose weight and get my blood sugar back under control, so that is my BIG goal, but here's my first of two smaller goals to make it happen.

I am going to try and go for a walk around the mall at least 3 days a week...no, no let's make it smaller because I don't know if I can force myself out that much. whee Let's try at least once a week for an hour. 3nodding That is the equivlent of walking around the top and bottom floor of the mall once each. 3nodding

GOAL 5
Don't eat more than two sweet foods a day. That means no more than two candy eggs, hershey's kisses, etc. I am hoping that will cut back on my blood sugar. I would say not to eat out as much or something else like that, but I can't control that at the moment. It seems Steven likes to eat out more than stay in, so I'll have to stay awake from sweets as much as possible. Hmm...I guess I should also watch the carbs I eat as the nutritionist says that can contribute to high blood sugar, too. Okay, so limit my french fries/chips when I go out. 3nodding

Will report back later when I have something significant to report. heart  

[AntoniaMerEnfant]

Best of luck with the blood sugar! That takes an incredible amount of discipline. My grandmother had type II diabetes and there is a fun story of my poor mom (it was my father's mother) taking her to the store and having to listen to her say "this has 1 sugar in it, and this has 2 sugars in it..."  

[Bakura Amane]

Goal 4 is a lot harder than I thought, what with homework and all. sweatdrop I shall have to keep working at it. confused  

[Bakura Amane]

GOAL UPDATE

Well, I accomplished Goal Five, but it wasn't all the sweets that seem to be doing my blood sugar in. sweatdrop Apparently it's my lack of exercise. Soo...I've decided to try and exercise more, which I already have accomplished by parking farther away from my classes and walking to them. 3nodding

NEW GOAL!

GOAL 6 Make at least a "B" in both of my summer classes.

I will get back to you on how this goal pans out in about 2 weeks time as that's approximately how much longer I have of summer school. 3nodding  

[AntoniaMerEnfant]

The parking further away is a great idea. I find it also helps to find exercises you enjoy doing. I enjoy things like paddling a canoe, riding a bike, or dancing far better than straight up sit ups xp xp xp

And here's to rocking your classes!  

[Bakura Amane]

GOAL UPDATE

Well, I managed to succeed in obtaining a "B" in both of my classes. blaugh I wasn't too worried. The only thing that made me upset was when I saw my overall GPA is a 3.2 something and I'm trying very hard to get at least a 3.5 because I soooo want my honor cord this time! sweatdrop

NEW GOAL

I have been trying forever with this goal, so maybe if I write it down it will work better (I hope).

GOAL 7 Ever since Daddy left I haven't been able to sing or say "Die", "Died", "Dead", etc. out loud. I can say it in my head and such, but I just cannot say it aloud. This one might take a lot longer than I would like, but I know eventually I have to get over it and be able to say those words again. confused *sighs*

Well, that's all for this time (and in another week I'll be back in school xp ).  

[Bakura Amane]

GOAL UPDATE!

GOAL 7
Well, I just finally was able to say "died" today. I know it's odd because now that my great-aunt has died it seems I'm saying it more easily for some reason. I don't know why.

GOAL 1 REVISITED

I have to try and regain my ability to use an elevator again. xd It seems that after a semester without using one made me more afraid now that I have to use one again. I'm not sure why either. I'll try to wean myself into one again...if I have to...I guess... confused