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Bez leans down and nudges Tam gently. "See, I told ye so... so relax, yer shaking like a leaf."

"C.c.c.c.c.old..." stammers Tam under his breath.

Bez eases closer and snuggles up against him. "This help?" he asks worriedly.

Tam shakes his head no and drops his head down to his paws.

"So what seems to be the problem?" asks Pyropian in concern.

"They were too my fault..." growls Tam angrily. "I... I should have.... I shouldn't have... I..."

Bez silences him with a gentle nudge. "I'm not absolutely sure what or who's to blame here... I do understand where Ai's coming from but I don't think he's been thinking too clearly... Let me state things as I've seen it... If I'm wrong people, please feel free to jump in and correct me."

The panther sighs and tries to get comfortable. "Kero just went through his form of puberty, right... and it's kind of traumatic... hormonally and emotionally... and Tam's never been subjected to anything like that... ever... well once ages ago... he did mate with a female in heat, but his heart wasn't in it... and as such it really didn't touch him... it just made him develop more fully in his male phase.... but a portion of him, the emotional side of him never matured."

"Now Ai has had eons to think about the differing aspects of love. He's absorbed differing aspectts of the emotion... chewed on them and spat them out. But in many ways it was a cerebral process... something akin to book learning... but more hands on. He understands in part the fundamentals... and as such, he has always felt as though he had a handle on things... and in many ways he did, as long as it didn't affect him directly... And by keeping me away... at arm's length, he never needed to delve any deeper into the subject on a personal level..." says Bez quietly with a touch of sadness.

"But since he took on the care of Kerobian, he's begun maturing, emotionally." Bez smiles down at Ai, who is studiously avoiding looking at him. "I was really put out at first, that he'd even think to love another when he would only give lip service to our own relationship. But then, over the years I began to see the relationship between them in a whole new light. It wasn't just a mock family they were creating between them, it was a real family. And to be honest, it hurt... a lot... I was once again left out in the cold. Then over time, it happened. Tam was handling things fairly well... that side of him could distance himself from the emotions he was feeling and compartmentalize them... but Ai even though she was suppressed could not... and the more he felt... the more she felt... until he made the mistake of embracing a form that was a little too close to home... his true angelic form, the one he was born with is that of a winged lion... only..."

"Bez..." interjects Tam nervously.

Bez smiles at him. "Let me finish, dear heart. I've only a few more observations to make, then ye can tell me how stupid I am, okay?"

He sighs and shakes his head. "I admit freely... now... that I was an absolute idiot then. Tam really isn't as sexless as he appears to be right now.... I think this present form is a self defense mechanism. He's actually a little of both natures rolled into one. He was a prototype... an experiment... strong in some areas... weak in others... he had a purpose... and he does it well... he distributes the love of the Father throughout creation.... but when I tried to force him, I began a chain reaction.... I woke up Ai probably far more than anything else had done in the past. I deserve a good sound kick int he royal hinnie for that... though I suspect it was only a matter of time before she woke up on her own... Kerobian's warp kind of put a seal on that."

"All those hormones... all those emotions... they were hitting Tam hard... and hitting Ai even harder... and with him getting all antsy... wanting and needing his woman so much, she kind of took over... only she viewed her love for Kero is an entirely differing light than Tam did... she's not exactly a child... but neither is she a mature adult... Shar said something last night... teenage angst... kind of nails it in my book. She loved Kero and because she loved Kero she wanted him to love her too and was willing to do just about anything to win that love, even to the point of attacking me."

Tam tries to burrow into the bed, but Bez stops him. "Actually, I probably deserved it.... I did threaten Kero... to keep him from making a very bad move.... had to say something to make them both snap out of it and fast..."

Bez nods solemnly. "I pray not, though I fear Ai believed me. She came after me... a mite angry too... I told her I was sorry... that I... I didn't mean it, but I don't think she believed me.... After she got me, I told her if she felt that strongly about things, I'd set her free... and well that's where things begin to get a little fuzzy for me... I sent her back to Kero... told him to take care of her for me and left..."

"Me... I don't have a side here... I don't deserve a side..." whispers Tam softly. But a growl from Bez makes him go on.

"How can I explain things I... I don't honestly understand... look at me, I'm a mess.... I told ye what I did... I ran... away... I wanted to die, but I wanted Kero happy, too... so I began to pray ... tried to make an offering of myself so his spell would work... he might be young but he's mature enough to handle things on his own now.... when he takes the time to think things over... but me... everything was wrong.... my life was a mess... I had attacked someone who... who meant me only good... I had tried to seduce someone who needed my love in different ways... I had abandoned my purpose.... I was hurting so much I wanted to disappear... all I wanted it to do was stop hurting.... I tried to hide in a cave I didn't think they'd find me in... it had Kero's aural stink all over it.... was sure they'd over look it..."

He squeezes shut his eyes but the tears flow anyway. "And I still hurt... so cold... so alone..." he whispers to no one in general.

"Yer not alone..." says Bez gently. "Look, I"m here... and Hope... And Pyropian... hey, even Mr. Stiff-neck is still standing over there...."

"You don't understand... breathes Tam softly refusing to open his eyes. "I deserve this... this hell. I earned it...."