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delicatedisarray

Shy Prophet

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Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 1:06 pm

Ph34rM3h

I am opinionated and impressionable.

I like the entire poem very much. I really enjoy this line though. The opposites feelings/images it brigns up in my mind are great! It really reflects personality.

Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 1:29 pm

delicatedisarray

Ph34rM3h

I am opinionated and impressionable.

I like the entire poem very much. I really enjoy this line though. The opposites feelings/images it brigns up in my mind are great! It really reflects personality.

Thank you very much.

Ph34rM3h

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refloc13

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Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 3:06 pm

I liked the I Am poem. It was clever. I too liked the first line. It sounded very bold, and confident.

Here's my own poem, anyway. I'm afraid it's a bit... sad. But it's not emo deppressing about me.

WAR

A baby cries.
No one answers.
Their dead, bloddy bodies,
Litter the streets.
Faces twisted, in pain and in fear
Asking what happened, and why they were there.
Their silent screams,
A tortured sound
Begging to be heard, and remember, and mourned.

The rubble still smokes,
An occasional fire,
Wind sifts the ashes, and scatters them far.
A broken toy,
Lies crushed in the dirt
The same as the child whose it once was.
And clothing, and food,
And ceiling and walls,
Lie mixed in a mess, useless and dead.

Dry ground is soaked,
In tears, blood, and sweat.
Where once was soft grass,
Is earch, parched, and exposed;
Full of holes, and scars, and bullets, and metal;
Pierced by spikes, of enemy boots,
And pounded by fists,
In hopeless anger.

And far away,
On a distant hill,
Guns flash and soldiers shout and an explosion rocks the ground.
Children scream, and mothers cry,
And the fathers die,
And wonder why.
And bit by bit,
It's happening again.
And no one can make it better.

O.R.

Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 5:36 pm

Ph34rM3h

Melissa

*insert poem here*
color]

I didn't want to quote the long post, but my, I really, really liked it! It shows a little grain of truth that everyone can relate to. I sure can. Anyways, I believe that whatever someone to relate to, they'll like! ^^

Anyways, here's a story I wrote, but it's in Notepad, for my Word is broken. I did it on a whim, so don't blame me if it's a tad bit...Odd. My brain was sleep deprived. I'll stop making my excuses now and simply post.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

"Hello?" Pick up water, sip, spit out, sip again.

Pause.

"Ziff?" Sniff. Whimper.

"Ange?" Sigh, moan. Pop an Advil--Or was it a Tylenol--Into my mouth.

"Sorry, Ziff...I know it's late." Whimper. Moan. The sounds of sirens go off in the backround.

"Early. Two A.M., Ange. Even worse than last time." I sigh, rubbing sleep out of my eyes. Yawn. Grumble. Pick off some drab wallpaper.

"I'm sorry." Sigh. Whimper. A trace of tears in her voice.

What now? Ange is always running back to me, and she always does things wrong. This was supposed to end once high school did. Us mature adults don't have troubles like these.

"What happened?" Coffee. I need coffee. A random dog howls, and I curse the owner. Who keeps theur damn dog outside at 2 A.M. for God's sake?

"It wasn't his fault, really!" Sniff.

"Mhm." C'mon, Ziff, get that sarcasm outta your mouth.

"...He's been having a bad day." That apologetic tone is in her voice again.

"For the past year."

"It's Friday. He always hates Fridays. He has to work so hard, and oh, this is the date when his last girlfriend dumped him. It snowed today. He got hit with a snowball. Yesterday he burned himself. I...His boss got mad at him! His coworker came on to him." Knock knock. Yelling.

"Look, Ziff. I'm coming home once and for all. I'm comin'."

Waiting. Some guy screamed at her to use the payphone, obviously. Ange is...Well, beautiful. She could have any guy she wanted, but instead she always chose the bastards. Yeah, she had the slender look, the shy quietly flirting personality and her hair's gorgeous. Am I jealous of her?

Hell yeah. Men are absolutely terrified of me, and in return, well...Let's just say that I stay away from them too.

Knock.

Knock.

Rata tat tat tata titter tat tat.

"Nnh." Grunt, get up, moan. The coffee's ready.

"Oh...Hi Ziff." One glance at her, and my irritation just drips away. She looks absolutely pitiful, soaked and mascara is dripping down her face, "I look horrible, don't I?"

"Yeah. Oh, come here." I engulfed her into my arms and patted her back, "It's okay. It's all right."

Sob. Whimper. Cry.

"It's not his fault. It's not his fault. He's had a hard life."

"Shh. So have you."

"It's not his fault. I...Oh, Ziff, it's all his fault!" Clutch. Moan. Scream.

"Shh."

Ange. It's not her fault, not really. She's always wanted what she couldn't have, all of her life. She had a good mom. A horrid dad. Moved out at age seventeen and bunked with me. I'm a few years older than her, and I had my own little place, but needed someone else to help pay the rent.

We went everywhere together. Everywhere we went, it was...Awful. Ogle. Stare. Drool. Yes, Ange was a pretty girl, but really, do they not have any sort of manners? She had her choice, and ALWAYS had to have a man. Always. I'm pretty sure she lost her virginity long, long ago. She needed love from a man, but always chose boys.

Like that big lug over there. They've been going steady for a couple of months, and he just pulls his act. One look from those eyes and she's his. He doesn't deserve her, my friend. I wish that I could make him see, but really, what am I? A red-headed tough talker who he probably thought wasn't too threatening. Tch. Sounds like me.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

The phone's ringing. Ange plops her bags on her old bed, which she's stayed in and left so many times, "Hello? Oh...Oh, yes, yes! It's fine. Yes. Rent? You need some cash? Oh. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll be right there. ....Love you too. Ziff, he apologized. I'm going back now. Thank you so much."

She gives me one last squeeze before leaving. The smell of burning coffee reaches my nostrils and a siren wails in the backround. I get back into the bed.

Cry. Moan. Sniffle. Mourn.

She went back.

Reach for an advil. Moan again. Lie down.

And I know.

Wipe away a tear. Sigh. Look out the window.

She'll be back.

Bittersweet_3

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I am The Compendium

Learned Gaian

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Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 11:39 pm

http://www.fictionpress.com/~yaminoeyes

I have too much to post. Read if interested.

Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 1:00 am

Leather and Libraries

This felt a little less emotional than the other half and a bit more sporadic, but as I said, I like it better.

This is some powerful Voodoo you got here. I like the narrator, I wish I could write like this.

bass20xx

Something I'm writing when I can, S'not much, but I like it so far

It's a good begining for an epic sounding adventure. Someday I'll post the piese I'm writing called An American King" it's an epic too.

HailAradia

Leather and Libraries

HailAradia

Hi!
I worte this not too long ago.
Hope you all enjoy.

I really really loved this. A lot. Like it's crazy how much I like this. I never read really fantastic poetry like that.

I don't know what to say. I love everything it so much that I can't really be coherent about it and if I told you what I liked I'd write a paragraph on every line of it. Fantastic work.

Thank You!
smile
I was actually was sort of nervous about posting it.
I'm paranoid about my writings.
I guess I'm scared I'll be told that it's crap!
So, Thank You Very Much biggrin
I'm glad you liked it.

The peom is actually quite amazing, although I can't say I understand it, I suppose my heart is in the written word rather then poetry.

shram

Ive only written whats in my profile and it aint good enough to post here yet >_>

Edit: ill post it anyways XD

There's defintly a good story here Shram, keep it going ad watch you're writing ability improve.

Eternal Moment

Kylene Hutchinson

These lines were meant to rhyme.
I want love, I want hope, I want desire!
Run your hand along my thigh once more, and we can pretend we're all we need. No one else, just you and me.
Give me something worth my time instead of the same old lies.
The lights, the air, the sounds, the ground.
I dont know much about obsession, just that I'm told its the same as unrequitted love.
Theres nothing left to shake it but the shivers running up and down the spine.
Frigid and nostolgic air, a very lonely night.
She let out a blood curtling scream and no one heard a sound.
We are drunken lovers, kiss me like you mean it.
I lied, they were never meant to rhyme.

Some of these are absolutly masterful, I especially like the third from the last. I love experimenting with silence, theres so many ways to discribe it.

rosa16786

Your brain shall be devaward by magets... at night...little by little you will forget things...they will move downwards...and eat ur heart...you will drop dead instantly...and you won't know y ..........Have a nice day. smile

do you think I'm a gulli-BULL, or even a gulli-CALF? I've seen you posting this in a number of threads, it's SPAM.

Bittersweet_3

Anyways, here's a story I wrote, but it's in Notepad, for my Word is broken. I did it on a whim, so don't blame me if it's a tad bit...Odd. My brain was sleep deprived. I'll stop making my excuses now and simply post.

You're story actualy made me smile. I liked how you wrote it.

Jessi_Babii_10_13_90

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Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 1:03 am

Okay, now that I'm actually back in this thread, I wanted to know if anyone wanted to do some round-robin writing with me, I know it's corny and stupid, but we need somthing to do as a writing community, and as well I don't have any stories to upload on my new computer, so this will have to be the next best thing.

Any takers? The more the marrier!

Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 1:26 am

Having been absent from school since oh. . . mid 3rd grade, I'm not sure I know what round robin is. Care to enlighten a poor fool? sweatdrop

And yes, that spammer is getting a tad irritating with that line. it's the only one i've seen from that poster. I'll see how many posts s/he has on the guild . If like, 6, I'll know they're all that post and petition ONYX for a banination. stare

{Edit:} 22 posts. Maybe I'll give a warning.

Shadow-Savant
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eat lollies and be happy

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Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 1:37 am

I write alot of Fanfic's. *pokes my website* And I'm working on a Gaia one now.

Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 4:15 am

I have many poems and short stories written, but there's a contemplation I wrote in my Gaia journal that I can put on here.

Robyn

My Lost Path

I am lost in the kingdom of Hell. My path has been lost. I don't know when it happened, but I stand lost and not knowing where to go. Which way leads to safety and which way leads to the Mad Hatter.

I think I taste her tongue in my mouth. I reach out and feel nothing in front of me. Only the blood-soaked air of the damned. I stare at the darkness around me and wonder even if I knew which way was which, where would I go? Does what I seek lie in safety, in getting out, or going further in? Must I like Arakune find my way to the heart of Hell and follow the Mad Hatter? Or would I find another satan to follow, another sin to corrupt me. Or perhaps at the center of the nether world there is no demon but a mirror. A mirror so you can see the only satan is in that shining surface and the only person you're running from is yourself.

I stand in the dark of my lost path and think. Safety is giving up. I can't give up. It is not in me. I choose to go further into the haunted dark. I will face the demon, for to go back is cowardice and I could not bear it.The moment I choose the path leads further to the feel of Pride and Sacrifice. I follow the path towards the Sin. I have turned my back on safety and sanity. I go to kiss the Mad Hatter.

Priestess Asuka

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Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 7:08 am

For Shadow and everyone else who wishes to know, round-robin is just where you start somthing and then hand it off to the next person, so round robin writing, is where we get a line of people choose somone to start a story and hen hand it back through each person, adding a little more each time.

Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 1:37 pm

The roundrobin sounds interresting. What shall we write about?

Anyway, I have another depressing war poem. It's about the aftermath of a battle in a third-world country.

Heaven Cries

In the silence of the night
In the quiet of the field
On the banks of a river whose water runs red
Red-- with the blood of brave men who are dead
Tiny feet patter on
In a hopeless search
A little voice calls:
"Daddy-- Daddy, where are you?"
Heaven cries tonight.

Broken bodies
Broken souls
Bloody eyes stare, but have no sight
Their darkness is endless-- they will never see light
Tiny feet patter on
In a hopeless search
A little voice calls:
"Daddy-- Daddy, where are you?"
Heaven cries tonight.

There is no one to come
There is no one to mourn
On these banks, freedom dies
Truth looks away, and even hope lies
Tiny feet patter on
In a hopeless search
A little voice calls:
"Daddy-- Daddy, where are you?"
Heaven cries tonight.

Silent screams
Silent tears
The moon hides its face behind darkened clouds
And the world in black, the night shrouds
Tiny feet patter on
In a hopeless search
A little voice calls:
"Daddy-- Daddy, where are you?"
Heaven cries tonight.

An upturned face
An agonized cry
Lips half open in an unfinished prayer
Blood seeps out of a jagged tear
Tiny feet patter on
In a hopeless search
A little voice calls:
"Daddy-- Daddy, where are you?"
Heaven cries tonight.

Then everything stops
At last it is over
Chubby fingers pat a shattered face
Daddy can fix it-- he always can
Things will be alright since they are back together
But there are too many peices
Even for love
And there is a sob and a scream:
"No...no! It's not you!"

In the silence of the night
In the quiet of the field
On the banks of a river whose water runs red
Red-- with the blood of brave men who are dead
Tiny feet patter on
In a hopeless search
A little voice calls:
"Daddy-- Daddy, where are you?"
Heaven cries tonight.

O.R. crying

refloc13

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Leaky Oven

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Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 2:18 pm

A bit of a review:

shram

"What was that?" she thought to herself.
~~~If it's a thought, it should probably be in italics. But inner dialogue is good for insight into a character's emotions. ^_^

Moving towards the kitchen door Anita thought to herself, "The Neighbours cat mustve snuck into our kitchen and smashed something again..." She knew however that this must be impossible as all the doors and windows downstairs are locked at night.
~~~Try to keep the past tense. Say 'were' insgtead of 'are'. This goes for the whole piece, actually. Keeping the tense makes it easier to read.

When she reached the kitchen door she hesitated and wondered at the possibility of her mom forgetting to close a window.
Thinking that this was probably the case Anita jumped at the sound of another item being smashed. She started to get scared when she realised that what she just heard mustve been something forcefully to the floor.
~~~Missing word/punctuation?

She placed a hand on the door handle and hesitated on whether she should open the door or not. She decided to open it and slowly pushed the door open. Her widened in a mixture of shock and fear when the lights suddenly went off. She froze and tried listening for any sounds but there was total silence in the house.
~~~The description here really sets the mood well. Spooky! ^_^

Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 7:47 pm

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