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 Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 5:07 pm
Gersif shrugged "Things are different when your dead, the realm of the living has less influence... or at least it's suppose to." His ears had flattened at her tone, he didn't like it, he was trying to be helpful so they didn't cause more damage and he was getting admonished. He managed to keep his tone calm however, she was stressed upset and grasping for anything to make herself feel better. "Mediums talk to trapped souls not ones who have passed on, those are beyond their reach. Summoning is.." He sighed "Different." That he knew for sure, he had tried every medium he had ever heard of to contact his parents and they all said the same thing, after years of trying he just gave up. Even his grandfather who had lost everything and was beaten to death had found peace, they dead just had a way of letting go of things the living couldn't.
"My mother did." He hadn't planned on saying it, but it was true, they had died before he really had a chance to know them, only flashes of memories remained and he wondered sometimes if he hadn't just made them up so many years ago he didn't know the difference anymore.
He wheeled on her when she had insinuated it had all been Calliope's fault. "How exactly is it her fault?" He scowled. "She felt her child needed help and she sacrificed herself in the search for that help like any good mother would do and now you're blaming her?" He had practically snarled and he clenched his jaw shut to prevent a snarl from actually happening. He was clearly too emotionally involved in this to stay calm on the matter. He stood tense ready for her to turn on him and argue about it... maybe he should just take a walk and let her have at it, they could both use the time apart to cool off, but could he risk her disturbing Calliope's rest? He didn't think she would stop regardless of what he did or said and he really didn't want to be a part of it.
He turned to walk off, let her at it, if Calliope was in the in between then she could be helped... if she got pulled into it... he growled to himself that was on her, she had been warned.
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Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:00 pm
Odessa listened to the other and sighed "technically, I am part medium, my father is a medium, he has taught me everything he knows and if I am not comfortable with it, as I said, I will get him, he knows better then I and knows the best way to do it" she said as she closed the book and walked over and picked up the rings and placed them back around her neck "and I may just go see him now" she said as she looked at Lenore who was getting ready to leave and nuzzled her thanks.
"Youre welcome darling, I will be back in a few moments, if you are out I will wait, I have to go home and get a few things for you" she said as she patted Gersif's head "and thank you for your help" she said as she collected the things, shutting the cupboard and left.
"As you said, things ARE different, we are taking care of HER son, even in the realm of the dead you don't always lose EVERYTHING connecting you to this realm, even in death you would NEVER stop worrying about the children you have left behind or the friends and family you have, I am NOT blaming her for trying to find a cure for her son but I AM blaming her for not thinking things through, if she loved her son so much she wouldn't care to go after what was a mere rumour and just left things how they were. I love their son and I adore what parents and kitsus they were BUT she still has to take a little bit of the blame for having things happen how they did, she wasn't 100% sure she was on the track of a for sure thing..." she said as she started to leave the cave "...but went anyway and look what happened to her, she left her son and friends, friends who are STILL obviously devastated and a son who thinks I am his mother, I have started to love Oliver as if he was my own BUT if I could contact the dead, IF my father can get a connection, then I can talk to her, it is dangerous BUT if she IS in limbo I want to at least see if I can get her to speak about some things."
She said as she turned her head away as tears filled her eyes "like if I am even doing the right thing..." she said, sort of wanting confirmation from the mother and/or the father themselves as she was silently scared though she was a little calmer in this situation as she took a deep breath and looked back at him "but that is just one of several, I want answers from her but also see if I can get a better understanding of her, a part of me feels like she hasn't passed over fully, she IS stuck in limbo and if she is then the only reason I can see her being that way is because she is STILL worried about Oliver and maybe her friends that she left behind. My contacting her (or my father) may be the only way to have her finally put to rest and she deserves that much after we have taken over the care of her only child" she said as she walked off to the left, if he didn't want some part in this then so be it but she wasn't going to sit around and just do nothing if she could help Calliope rest for good.
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Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:43 pm
Gersif shook his head at her, she didn't understand the power of hope, when all you want if for everything to be normal again and it can't but you might be able to fix just one and that one for you could make all the difference between bearable and nightmare. Hope is a powerful thing a log to grasp when you're drowning in the sea and if that log turns out to be a shark instead you risk it because you're dead if you don't. Odessa had had a good life and he was glad for her, but she would never understand the choices one has to make when faced with something or nothing... you always choose something. There was no arguing with her she would do as she saw fit and any attempt to stop her would only breed bad blood so he said nothing more lest his words become venom.
Gersif barely registered the pat on the head, his jaw beginning to ache from clenching it. She didn't get it, and it hurt him. He was trying very hard to make her understand and she didn't get it, didn't see the pain bearing down on him by doing this, the old memories and wounds. He squeezed his eyes shut concentrating on breathing, regaining control, not allowing the tears to fall. As long as she didn't wake them... as long as they were already stuck... everything would be fine. He kept repeating it to himself like a mantra, but it wasn't working. It was striking far to close to home for him to distance himself and regain his center. He wondered instead if she was accusing his mother of ceasing to love him as she wasn't trapped in the in between, he knew better, but she wouldn't. His mother would have moved on for him so that he might do the same. The dead staying with the living robs the living of their life for they will only be able to dwell on the past, he too had bore witness to one with such a fate, it was more cruel than kind and he saw Calliope as the sacrificial mother not the selfish kind, she wouldn't hold Oliver back like that. He couldn't imagine her at anything but rest BECAUSE she loved Oliver.
He found himself wishing Odessa had felt a little loss, no a lot, nothing that might be cruel... just enough to understand.. but then the privileged never could understand the underprivileged. ... He really needed that walk. This was a bad start to a family, he needed to distance himself and calm down.
He still couldn't believe she had blamed Calliope, she had only be seeking out a light in the darkness, she was in pain losing a mate and having a stunted child, it blinded her to the hope she had in Oliver, she just wanted to have some sense of control to be able to fix SOMETHING. ANYTHING. She couldn't be blamed for that. "Are you so sure you wouldn't have done the exact same thing were you in her shoes? Having just lost everything being in such deep pain, you could never show, never express and finding your son stunted, you feeling weak and helpless and lost, grasping for something anything to fix just one thing in your life to get you going again, get you moving forward so you wouldn't have failed at everything, lost everything. Do you know what hope does to a person? Or what can happen without it? You lose hope and you die, you just give up and let yourself die. You don't eat, you don't sleep, you're either constantly moving pacing back and forth for days on end or you don't move an inch. It eats at you naws at your very soul the despair and you die. Waist away into nothing without hope. And you blame her for going after the one ray of light she saw in a sea of darkness. How can you know? How can you cast any sense of blame if you haven't been there and you don't know?"
It was no longer about contacting the dead, he didn't care, she would do it anyway the spoiled brat would up end the world to make herself feel better no matter the consequence. Now it was about the blame, blaming the dead who couldn't defend themselves, blaming the dead who had they known would have done things differently. Now it was about her sense of superiority over the dead, her and her medium ways. It wasn't fair, he couldn't know how she felt towards the dead, but that's what it felt like and he didn't like it. If she was caught, if Calliope could see them now this fight would look poorly but she might just see how much they wanted the best for Oliver and rest on her own... he didn't know didn't care anymore, he was too hurt old wound ripped fresh and deep.
He walked off towards the lake his lip upturned in a silent growl he didn't even notice. Ears flat on his neck and eyes narrow he looked more like he was about to kill someone rather than go meditate. This had just turned into a very bad day and he was not pleased in the slightest.
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Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 10:43 pm
"I DO know how it feels!" She said as she turned around and glared at him, tears streaming down her face, hoping this part was never brought up but hey, right now, they both were opening old wounds so she may as well have hers open also "I was EXACTLY in her position several years ago, I chose to follow a pipe dream for a cure that WASN'T real and I lost my twin brother in doing so! My brother had an incurable illness, the doctors and herbalists tried everything to cure him, did tests and scans and gave him medications and vitamins and what not and nothing that they did give him worked and the tests an scans lead them to dead ends. Everything they did was all speculation and then I got wind of a cure that would heal any illness and I thought I had a chance to save my brother and so I followed up on it.
My parents never wanted me to leave but I had to, he was my twin brother so I HAD to do something to save him, so the doctors told us he would slowly deteriorate over a course of a few days to a month tops but I had to, I HAD to do something because sitting there watching my brother die was killing me little by little so I packed up a few things, kissed my parents goodbye and promised my brother I would return within the month, the cure was said to be just outside of the valley, a couple of days walking or so tops, I would be back back within the week and so I left to look for a cure that wasn't real." Odessa stopped as she fell down onto the ground and just sobbed into her paws for a few moments before continuing "I ended up arriving at the next town over and found that the kitsu who was said to have the remedy, I showed him what I had to offer and he said that nothing took his fancy except..." she said as she looked away, disgusted with herself for doing what she did but she was desperate "...accept my virginity so as I said no he persuded me by feeding me all these thoughts about how if I don't get this remedy back to the one that was sick he could be dead before I got home etc.
So because I was so desperate I accepted, I had sex with him and afterwards he told me that there was no such thing as the cure he told me about and that I should just accept that my brother was going to die and move on with my life" she said as she cried harder before carrying on a few moments later after she calmed down a little "but guess what? By the time I got home my brother had passed away, he passed away a day before I returned home, I not only feel like burning the skin and fur off my body I lost my brother!" She said as she got up and looked at him "so don't you dare tell me I don't know how Calliope felt!! I know EXACTLY how she did. So no I wouldn't not do what she did BUT after my experience I would know not to follow a pipe dream without doing proper research first!" She growled at the other before mentioning one last thing "and yes, I lied about being an only child, save from my adopted sister and how my parents could no longer have children because this is the story behind it.
I repressed the memory to an extent and was better off being an 'only child' whilst my parents just didn't want to have anymore children, scared that whatever my brother had it came from them and they passed it onto him, they have NEVER forgiven themselves for it and I have never forgiven myself for not being there for my brother when he needed me the most!" She said as she turned around "my brother forgave me and our parents, he said to me through the connection we had with out father that he didn't blame me and that he loved me etc but me? No, I still don't forgive myself,. I have mentally beaten myself up since the day I got back, I am wanting to talk to Calliope IF I can and this is the only way, maybe one day you can understand why I want this, maybe one day you can forgive me" she said as she trailed off and walked off towards her parents home, trying to calm herself down before she got there, not wishing to worry her parents.
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Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 11:17 pm
Gersif's voiced was strained with emotion but tired and low "Then you more than anyone should know how she felt and absolve her of any blame" He turned, then over his shoulder he spoke "It wasn't your fault either." and that was it, he was done with the conversation. He walked off. She didn't need forgiveness... and he thought he understood well enough... but she couldn't lay blame on Calliope because of her own guilt. She was thinking emotionally and not rationally and someone else was bound to get in the cross hairs. He could handle it, he could take it, he had all his life, but he couldn't stand seeing innocence getting caught in the cross hairs. He would need a very long walk tonight, he wondered if he could even come back to sleep by the cave tonight... guess he will have to see how the walk goes. He sighed.
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:13 am
"Thank you but have you ever thought that is why I DO blame her? I KNOW what it was like, I KNOW what she was to go through....if anything..." she trailed off and sighed...if anything, she may have been too quick to judge Calliope because she felt she did blame herself and thought that she, Calliope, should blame herself also but since she wasn't here...well...someone else should blame her instead, it was neither of their faults but she forever was blaming herself and in a way she thought Calliope should be to blame also for what she did.
Odessa shook her head to clear the thoughts from her mind "wait!" She said as she ran after Gersif "we may never see eye to eye with what I am doing but that is alright, I won't mention I am going to go communicate with the dead and you never have to get upset, we both may not agree with things but if this is going to work I want us to ALWAYS talk with each other, no matter how much it may hurt each other I just want us always to be honest with each other no matter what but, of course, some things we just can't talk about and we will learn that in time but I don't want to end up basically being at each others throats before this has been given a good go." Odessa said, giving his cheek a lick, more of an apology then anything, she also had started to have feelings for him but at the time being they would be kept to herself, she just didn't want to lose him over one thing, at the moment, each other didn't believe in, no couple had everything in common and she didn't want to 'break up' over one small uncommon interest.
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:46 am
He knew it was, guilt had a way of doing that, but guilt was an emotion and not rational. He firmly believed that if you were to do the same thing in the same position as anyone else they couldn't be blamed for doing so, no matter if they were right to do so or not. He didn't speak however allowing her to yell at his back untill she called him to wait.
He quirked an eye brow at her, what did she think he was just going to give up and leave the pup to wonder where his father went again? "I just need a walk to clear my head and calm down" His voice was less strained and his lips less snarled with her offering an olive branch, but his eyes were still narrow, emotions were not easy to disperse. "I will be back." He frowned, he really needed this walk but her faced was sort of a plea he couldn't ignore... she wanted the truth but did he want to tell her? She would be the only one in the whole of his life that he would have ever told, the only one who would know, the lick made the decision for him. He sighed releasing all the emotions with it, trying to calm himself and ready for his tale.. "I was a kit when my parents died.... I was never told how and I hardly remember them.. just flashes... I moved in with my grandfather, he taught me everything I know... he died before I was even a teen..." he paused pulling in a deep ragged breath "he was beaten to death in front of my eyes and I was thrown out of his home. My runes were all I was able to steal away with me... all I have of him. I was left to survive on my own with no one around to help and I have been alone ever since. I tried to contact them for years, my family,... every medium I could find came to a dead end they had all said their souls were passed on... at peace. .... Tell me how that is so? By your own definition they should have stayed if they loved me." He frowned a challenge and plea in his words. Forgive him, love him, save him.
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:20 am
"Oh God, I am sorry" she said as she nuzzled him "that is horrible!" She said, not sure how to react, one thing she never was good at was listening and comforting others, the small things she did say she meant them but she always tried to stay away from comforting others, yes it made her look cold but it was better that, in her opinion, then comforiting another where she looked like she was in an awkward position to do so, so she thought for a few moments before a smile crossed her face a little "come with me?" She asked, expecting the answer to be no but she decided to try anyway. "Come see my father, he is an awesome medium, maybe I am a little biased but take one last chance? You want hope but maybe, just maybe, today will be the day you DO get to talk to at least one of your parents" she said, knowing this was also going to go against what he believed in but her father had practicdally been a medium since he was a kid and ever since then his talent has just gotten better and better and was now awesome at it.
"We can stay silent all the way there if you want, but please, come, let him try, it wouldn't be the first time he has trouble finding a spirit, sometimes they are out there, in limbo but are hard to find but with my father he doesn't give up, if he can get just a slight hint of their presence, even with them hiding themselves, he will get them, it just will take a bit longer then usual" she said, believing today may be the day that he would be able to contact his family, it was the least she could do for him, it may not be the comfort he was looking for but it was something she could give him without her looking like a total idiot. "I also need to apologise for not being more...comforting, I am not good at this, I do seem to come off as cold more then anything but I do care and I am sorry for your loss but I just just have never been good at comforting others, I always am afraid I will say the wrong thing or whatever so I tend to stay away from being a comforter or I mention something like what I did today that might help, words fail me greatly in these situations even if I do care" she said, hating herself for this but it was her, it couldn't be helped.
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:44 pm
Gersif frowned his ears still flat she was trying and he appreciated it but... he sighed. Not speaking for a moment, just observing her. His anger had gone but his frustration remained.. she was still pushing... still trying to reach beyond into areas she shouldn't be. "I prefer to think they are happy and at rest." She was trying, risking getting hurt by him, being turned down and he didn't want to hurt her. "But I'll come... not to contact them.... just" he closed his eyes breathing in deeply calming centering... or trying to at least "just for moral support." It was going to pain him a bit bearing witness to this... but he would go. She was trying and so would he. "Your comforting is fine" he gave a weak smile trying to be reassuring. "I just want you to understand where I am coming from in all this" His muscles were still tense and his nerves still on edge... it was going to be a long night.
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:55 pm
"I understand where you are coming from and I understand it is a dangerous matter, I understand also that I may not reach them HOWEVER I also understand that my father wouldn't do it if he wasn't an expert in the field, I know we both hold different views in this but I believe in my father, if he says he can't for whatever reason then I will leave it but I would like to try at least and I thank you for joining me even if it is just for support." She said as she nuzzled him, she was going to have to make it up to him some time for this, she didn;t know what she was going to do but she would do something special for him "and that is fine" she said turning around and starting back towards her parents place "I shall allow you to think that and accept it" she said, glad he was coming, she wasn't sure what she may find out tonight, if anything, but she was glad he was at least with her, she didn't really want to do this on her own though she did hope her parents would behave themselves.
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:17 pm
He clenched his jaw muscles, she wouldn't stop. He closed his eyes focusing inwardly seeking out a calm center where the world couldn't reach him where he could find peace. He just needed a bit of quiet, he felt so off kilter so un-him. He just needed a quiet night. He simply nodded in acknowledgment and slowly walked after her. He focused on his breathing slow deep breathing using each breath to slowly right his soul. He hoped they lived a good distance off, far enough he would find himself before they arrived. That his emotions would be in check and he would be able to interact with her parents in a civil matter. He wasn't ready to meet them, not under such circumstances not with such a volatile topic... not with such emotions so raw and near the surface. Breath... breath... dirt between your toes cool and loose, breeze in your furn cool and light, leaves nearby softly rustling.. the whole world was the same but he felt so different. Right yourself Gersif.. come on you can do it. She's trying in her own way she's trying... just put yourself right... for the boy, put yourself right!
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 10:25 pm
About forty five minutes or so Odessa and Gersif arrived at the foot of a mountain path that was off the normal beaten track, above them was a cave that was more hidden then not and a cave she once called home, she sighed and shook her head to clear it, thinking she wouldn't be returning her so soon but what could she do? She needed her fathers help and the only way she could do this was with his help "we are here...well, almost" she said as she started walking up the path where the cave was, taking a deep breath and hopped her parents had calmed down a bit. "Hey, come back here!" She giggled as Electra had run out of the cave, having been playing with a little girl ghost kitsu and stopped and looked to where she went and stopped, noticing the girl had gone down the path that her sister and some strange male was walking up "mommy! Daddy! Odessa is back" Electra said happily as she ran back inside. "Oh" Cassandra said as she got up and walked out the cave as her daughter settled down next to her father "Darling, what brings you back?" The older female kitsu who was plain black in color except for a design* on her flank which was silver in color as well as the silver hair on her head, she had gotten over the fact of what happened between her daughter and the rest of the family earlier. "Hi mom!" She said as she ran up the rest of the way and nuzzled her "you better now?" She asked, hoping she was. Cassandra nodded "yes, I am, your father is as well" she said as she looked at the male beside her oldest daughter "and you are...?" She asked smiling at him. "Mom, I would like you to meet Gersif, he is the 'father' of Oliver" she said as she looked at Gersif "Gersif, this is my mother Cassandra." * I can't decide between the linked one or this one
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:10 pm
It had been a good walk he had managed finally to relax his body and quiet his mind and simply enjoy the stroll, not thinking of their destination or reason for going. When they arrived he stood back patiently allowing Odessa to control the situation how she thought best. He observed the family dynamics watching and waiting silently. Typical family structure and order, he took a breath steadying himself to take this plunge. He gave a bow of the head at his introduction. "Pleased to make your acquaintance." He smiled in greeting, he didn't know what they had been told about him but he was hoping to make a good first impression... they were after all going to be his in-laws. (How would the shading be expressed in that one? A solid color or those lines? I personally think I like the first better as I feel less is more, but if the lined areas were solid in color it would be just as nice and might translate better on a kitsu.. looking less like a branding. ... or the shaded area could be the negative space... well here let me just show you.. it's easier that way! Option 1 simple sleek and clean but the lines have the potential to get muddled on a kitsu body (Thinking if you actually got her made) Option 2 Still simple and clean but bold, there would be less confusion about the lines with the exception of the outer one which doesn't seem to then belong, and Option 3 which is clean and bold but the boxiness of the bottom feels awkward ... hope that helps though! ))
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Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:03 am
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Gersif, please you two, come in" she said as she stood to the side and let them enter. Odessa walked by her mother and entered the cave, an old mattress had been set out on the large cave floor and two old mattresses were there, a single for Electra and a double for her parents, several old blankets on each of the beds, her human Lenore had given them to her family, Lenore didn't want them to go without when their daughter was living in luxury...well, sort of. "Daddy!" Odessa said as she ran towards him and cuddles him, hoping what her mother said was true. Apollo who was silver in color had a black leaf band going around his legs and a tiger pattern like his daughter but in black and had small bands around his ears like Odessa "hi my princess" he said as he nuzzled her back. "Daddy, this is Gersif, Gersif, this is Apollo, my father" she said as she walked back over to Gersif so he wasn't alone and just being looked at. Apollo smiled at the male "pleasure to meet you" he said deciding to say nothing else for the time being, deciding to evaluate the situation between him and his daughter. "'Dessa, mr Gersif, you do know you have two ghosts hanging around you don't you?" She asked curiously "both terribly sad" she said sombrely, wondering curiously why they were here, they should be on the other side. "And this is my little sister Electra, she can see and talk to ghosts who haven't crossed over yet due to unfinished business, she plays with a little girl kitsu ghost at the moment because that ghost can't finish her business, not really sure of the reason, Electra has never said and nor has the ghost apparently but Electra loves having a ghost to play with so meh, we have just let her carry on being friends with it, it seems rather harmless and friendly so we haven't tried getting her to pass it over or forced her to do anything else" Odessa looked curiously at her sister "Electra, what did you say?" "You have two ghosts floating around you, they are sad but nuzzling each other, they must have been in love" she said as she watched the two, feeling terribly sorry for the two, she would have to help them before her sister went today, they didn't belong here, they deserved rest. ((I don't know! I was thinking of keeping the lines in the actual pattern of the second one of mine, yours all look good but if I chose the second the lines in it seemed more 'Greek', though with yours I do like option 2 also but then it seems a little too thick, I mean, with option 1 you still see the slight details in the design so they don't just seem so thick when colored in. And Electra's description will come at a later date, haven't decided how I want her to look yet. ^^; ))
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Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:41 pm
Gersif nearly choked when Odessa introduced her father, Apollo? THE Apollo? He turned to her slightly wanting to still face her father he whispered keeping his voice low hoping only she cold hear "Apollo? As in the greek god Apollo? You didn't tell me you were a demi-god!" His heart had already begun to pick up pace, he wasn't sure what he was expecting but he hadn't been expecting this! His eyes darted between the two of them, his greek knowledge was rusty but he knew of the main players... she really could have told him this before he met her father. He wasn't sure if he was hoping her father really was a god or just named after one.
He really should say something, was rude to leave her father waiting for a reply. He bowed his head in greeting as he did with her mother "Sir, it's an honor" he didn't know what else to say, he had only talked to a god once before and while it had been an interesting conversation he didn't think it had gone very well... she was rather ... bi-polar.
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