Welcome to Gaia! ::

I know you haven't seen a lot, but you've seen a few. Btw, how did you like Cowboy Bebop?

Does your living room dvd player not read the discs? I've had that problem once or twice.

Nah, you didn't ruin my day anyway. I think I can identify with how you feel, at least a little bit. Maybe it's because of my body type (I'm pretty fat), maybe it's just because I'm kind of a nerd anyway, but for whatever reason, guys seem to always view me as their sister and not as a potential love interest.

Even the guy who was supposedly my boyfriend seemed to want a groupie more than he wanted a soul mate. I'm not against video games in general, but this guy took it to unhealthy extremes. His idea of a "date" was inviting me over maybe once a month to watch him play video games (which I mostly couldn't play because 3-D graphics give me horrible migraines), and to give him my opinions on the games he was designing. He never took me anywhere in the nine months we were "together," and only rarely did he let me see his family (other than his parents). I kind of wonder if he might have been ashamed of me, because I can be loud and boisterous, and because I used to be a tomboy (at first because I actually was one, and then because those were the kinds of girls he always wrote about) but now I'm not afraid to be girly.

I dunno. Other than The Ex, most guys I know keep nerds as friends and then actually date the cheerleader types. I could never identify with superhero girls, or the pretty chicks that the heroes always rescued. Only on rare occasions can I identify with the sidekicks or their love interests. Would a hero-type take any interest in me? HA! I doubt it. He'd take one look at my fat physique and my weird hair accessories and say, "Are you #$%^ing kidding me!?"

But you know what? I'm starting to realize that I don't want a guy like that. I also don't want a guy like my jerk ex, who only spent time with me when he was bored (seriously, there's been at least one occasion where he blatantly said, "I'm bored. You wanna come over?"), constantly rejected me in favor of everything and everyone else, and grew more and more distant from me as I grew less and less afraid to be myself around him. Yeah, I'm a nerd at heart, but I'm not the "gender-neutral" type he seemed to think I was.

I'm kind of geeky, but I'm not interested in a lot of things that most self-professed "geeks" seem to be interested in. At the same time, I'm definitely not the popular-girl type. I really, truly don't know where I fit in, and so it's hard for me to find a guy. I'm not against dating guys who are gamers, but I don't eat, sleep, and breathe video games, and I probably never will.

Then there's the whole "looks" thing. It's really hard for geeky or semi-geeky girls to find guys, because so many of us are friends with guys whose top qualification for a girlfriend seems to be "looks hot in a Leia's Metal Bikini cosplay." rolleyes blaugh

And again, I don't know if I even would fit in with any one group (e.g., the cheerleaders, the nerds, the band geeks, the punks, the rednecks, or any of the other cliques that materialize in high school and never quite go away in the adult world), so it's really hard for me to pinpoint the kind of guy I would feel comfortable dating. For instance, I read a lot of romance books (not out of loneliness or desperation or anything like that; I just want to read something entertaining, and I've actually read so many action-adventure novels over the years that I've gotten kind of burned out on them), and there are very few romance heroes that I would actually date in real life. They're not jerks (there are plenty of "romance" novels with jerk "heroes," but there are so many jerks in real life that I have ZERO tolerance for them in escapist fiction), but they're just so doggone intimidating. You know, Navy SEALS, spies, all those guys. The ones who always wind up with the devastatingly beautiful girls in the end. rolleyes I think that one of the things I love about Georgette Heyer is that her heroes are heroic, but they aren't super-men, and they often fall for women who are not what society considers beautiful. One of my favorite books--The Grand Sophy--is by this author, and the title character is, well, she's just herself. She's not "fat", but she is a big girl (tall, with big bones). She's well-mannered, well-bred, and very secure in her femininity, but she's not a stereotypical "lady": She's been all over the world with her dad and had tons of adventures. She's intelligent, spontaneous, and full of life, and the guy she winds up marrying loves her just as she is. Finally a romance book with a heroine who's not a Victoria's Secret model and a hero who's not Superman! Anyway, my tangent about novels is to make the point that there just doesn't seem to be many guys, in fiction or in real life, that I can identify with.

Oh, and I definitely identify with having no self-confidence, but the longer I'm away from the jerk, the stronger I feel. If any man wants to date me, I'm no longer going to try to become the woman he wants; he'll just have to take me as I am. That's how I view any potential soul mate, and I expect no less from him in return. But...yeah. You're not alone, Scythe. Sometimes girls go through the same thing. sweatdrop

@Chibi--No, it's not that the DVD player won't read DVDs on the big TV; it's that my parents are hogging it 99% of the time. My dad, for instance, watches American Chopper, all afternoon, almost EVERY DAY. xp And then almost every night, my parents watch several hours of NCIS reruns. I mean, I love NCIS too, but my parents' constant watching of it gets on my nerves sometimes. /rant

Yeah, I totally agree about going to a museum. That would be fun!

Gee, I don't know about the whole arranged marriage thing, for me, anyway. I mean, making a mature decision, as an adult, to consult a matchmaker is one thing, and I totally support that sort of decision. But having my parents tell me from childhood that they expect me to marry a man of their choosing?? eek I mean, I love and respect my parents, but I'm way too independent-minded to want them making my major life decisions for me well into my adulthood. I guess it's mainly because my parents themselves have always encouraged me to be independent. *shrugs*

Man, poor Chibi! I wish your guy friend was older so you could date him. See, that's why I had such a hard time picking an anime guy for my last "truth" question! So many good anime guys are too dang young! xp I don't date younger guys! I. DON'T. DATE. YOUNGER. GUYS. I like MEN. Not boys! I babysit for a living. I don't want to come home to a guy who's no more mature than the young'uns who spend the day throwing Play-Doh across the room for me to clean up. I expect toddlers to be toddlers (it's even funny when they don't know better), but grown men who work for a living? Um...no. /rant Anyway... mrgreen *twiddles thumbs*

I think I like geeks, but not my ex. I mean, he's not a bad person, just kind of a bad boyfriend. I think his cluelessness gives other geeks a bad name. I know in my heart of hearts that there are plenty of guys who have the same interests as the ex, in addition to all of his positive qualities, but are at the same time attentive, optimistic, and courageous men who would make even me feel beautiful and inspire me to enjoy life and walk a little more boldly. But...I dunno. Maybe the ex isn't the way he is with all girls, just me. I know I probably sound like a heartless witch for going on and on about him, but he really did a number on my heart, to the extent that I even sometimes have a difficult time trusting guys who are even remotely like him.

And...yeah. I hope to find the right guy before I turn 80, but at the same time, I know it's better to be alone than to be stuck with someone who abuses or neglects you, or someone you don't really love. I know true love happens because I've seen it, and hey, I'm only 25. I'm not exactly an old maid here! wink My aunt didn't meet anyone until she was in her early forties, she was 43 when they got married...and they've been married for nineteen years, and they're a lot happier than some of the young couples I've seen. So...yeah. I'm not OVERLY optimistic about my prospects, but I'm not giving up hope either. I just hope I can find a great guy who's...NOT SNOTFACE! xp As long as he doesn't have The Dreaded Ex's disturbing qualities (or any other thing that would make an intelligent woman run screaming), we should be fine.

:'-) You two are great.

This just kinda reminds me of a conclusion I came to back in high school. It's not gender differences, racial differences or any other superficial variance that causes the rift between people, but their own ignorance and stubborn refusal to try to see the value in diversity. Heh, don't I sound like an after school special?

@Chibi: To be honest the whole age difference thing has always been less of a deal for me since i have the perspective of seeing my parents together. Much as I would like to beat my dad with a club till the twitching stopped (and that's a story for another time), I can see that he and my mom actually get along very well. There's no doubt in my mind she loves him not that I have the slightest guess as to why. They have an age difference of 25 years. When my mom was born, he was already full grown and living alone. When I was born, she was 25 and he was 50. 50!!! And they get along very well, all things considered. It's true that age makes a big difference, but there's also that saying about rules being proved by their exceptions and those exceptions do exist. (this is also for you alv)

And I'll let you in on something that shouldn't be secret, but seems to be: a guy as you described will quickly find he has tired of immature, shallow girls of his age and look to more mature refined individuals such as yourself. Now obviously I not about to start with the dating tips and make myself the biggest hypocrite in the universe, but I think once he's eighteen you should ah..."express an interest" and see if it goes anywhere. But it's up to you to decide "whut chu' gon' do bout' it".

@Alv: Your constant talk about your size makes me wanna squeeze your butt. That's not even a joke, I would actually like to squeeze your butt if all your bragging is to be believed. I like touching female butts.

As for the romance novel thing, I will Pm you and chibi (actually you might see the pm first depending when you get on) about that and the arranged marriage thing.

You don't sound heartless for going on about your "ex" (quotations because he obviously wasn't much of a boyfriend). Sounds more like he was the heartless one. And I know the feeling. My ex seemed to think a relationship was some sort of low level indentured servitude to her. Any money I spent on something that wasn't her was taken as an insult. I was constantly being guilt-tripped for making honest mistakes, and if she did something wrong it was somehow my fault. believe me, you have no need to apologize for the truth.

At first, after she dumped me, my self respect was at an all time low and I questioned my worth as a boyfriend. It was different, however, after I finally moved on. I realized: dammit, I tried my hardest and did my best and cried and sweat and worked for her, and she appreciated none of it! Best damn thing the b***h did for me was dump me and let my mind be free of her corrosive influence. I'm still afraid that if I ever get in a relationship again I'll end up in the same emotionally abusive situation.

You should totally check the website out the AMNH is sooooo ********' kick a**. the two places I miss the most from new york are that, and the Brooklyn botanic gardens. I'm heavy into art and aesthetics and that place is just so beautiful. If a girl said to me "I like long walks in the park"first thing to come to mind would be that wondrous place.

Maybe I should play the lotto, so if I win I can fly out to you two chickadees haha, take to the museum, or garden, maybe both? And also squeeze your butts. That sounds really good too. xp heart

Alvinette, I would really be all for a movie, especially if it is a superhero movie. whee If I could choose a date movie right now, it would be The Green Hornet. xd

@Scythe - You actually think it might work? He's a great guy, and I love talking with him, but it seems a bit wrong to get involved with someone that young. Maybe in a few years, thing might be different, but it's kind of creepy ***** right now.

You've seen a picture of me. I'm hefty, but not ginormous. I don't think I'm bad looking, but I don't think I have a figure that would attract any guys. And, btw, stay away from my butt too. wink Truthfully, if a guy went for my butt, that would be a huge turn off for me. I would rather be walking along and a guy take my hand and hold it, and just be with me emotionally and intellectually, almost like our souls are touching. xd

I'll touch your butts with my mind then, haha.

I know it's kinda creepy right now, that's why I said to check after he's hit what you see as a suitable age for serious dating. (BUT DON'T USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE TO CHICKEN OUT INDEFINITELY AND THEN COMPLAIN WHEN HE FINDS SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

It's no good to be with any less than what you want. that will only cause resentment.

And chibi. I still like your eyes. wink heart

Just two little things before we resume our regularly scheduled programming

1: I resent that remark. I have a good memory for beauty is all, and I just really do like your eyes. And it's not like I can't go back and search that thread once every few months. I think green is the most beautiful eye color.

2. Sites like gaia are (obviously) filled more with nerds than anything else, who look for deeper beauty. And, buddy, far as personality goes, I think know both you and Alv are gorgeous. Don't know what my opinion is worth, but there you have it.