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 Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 11:52 am
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Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 6:40 am
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 Quoth The Raven: "Nevermore"═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═
✗ Aubrey, Sela ||| ✗ 1201 Pasadena ||| ✗ Is wearing Suspenders
✗ Journal: Updated 04/17 ||| ✗ Driving ||| ✗ Last Purchase: --
✗ Last Location: -- ||| ✗ Sela is Present and Wearing Owls
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Sleep was fleeting for the wolf without being beside the brunette, just as illusive as it had been while he was beside her. However, rest eventually came to the tossled male after long enough. He slept in several hours later than usual, planning to take the later shift so he could leave from home rather than work to drop Sela off at school. Even as he roused shortly after six, the toddler was flopped into her air mattress practically unconscious. He quietly climbed off the couch, stifling a yawn and a grunt of effort as he stood to his full height, stretched, and popped his joints. The sun hailed above the horizon, dispatching rays of pale yellow light to blast the curtains until the room was faintly aglow. He had no problem seeing his way to the bathroom, closing the door to relieve himself and finish his routine of brushing his teeth and washing his face. As he exited again, his next thought was to wander into the kitchen and put on a pot of water for tea. A shower wouldn't take long, then he could start breakfast and get the child up.
Tyrese picked out green tea, settling honey next to the packet and a medium sized mug beside that. He filled a pot with water and clicked on the burner beneath it, glancing at Sela on his way by to make sure the light hadn't roused her. She was still and half way slumped off the bed, the father chuckled as he grabbed today's clothes and went for his shower. The guest bathroom had always been the better choice for not waking the sleeping bodies, but Aubrey's was more comfortable for staying close by. He scrubbed his body quickly and sprayed himself down with the silver shower head, turning off the flow of water and steam before grabbing a towel and dry himself. Today he grabbed his body wash to be stored in his bag. His luggage had been moved to the space between the arm of the couch and the wall; first to make it easier to get ready for work (no running up and down the stairs) then to have his things nearby and packed should today go how he figured it would.
Briskly smoothing on deodorant before getting dressed and groomed, the wolf emerged from the bathroom completely ready for his day. He turned off his boiling water and made his tea with milk, then rolled Sela onto her back to get her up. "Time to get dressed for school, Miss Lady." He prompted gently, setting the bluenette up, then doing so again as she streched until she tumbled nearly to the floor. He chuckled, "Go use the potty and get dressed. Daddy's going to start breakfast so you can eat." With a quick peck on the nest she called a bed head, Ty left Sela to get her own mini routine started, making sure he had a stool near the bathroom door for her to drag inside and reach the sink. Meanwhile he jogged upstairs, making his way to Aubrey's bedroom door and knocking softly. If she wasn't awake already then usually he would avoid disturbing her, but today they needed to talk and he planned on doing it early. Besides, he'd want to see her before leaving the house. "Can I come in, Sugar Drop?"
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『Estate #: 1504 Lumiere ┋Funds: $462.75』
『Temper┋✎✎✎✎✎┋Stress┋✎✎✎✎✎┋Happiness lvls┋✎✎✎✎✎』
"My words are useless if they don't deconstruct the limitations that keep the creativity in you from flourishing." -TY Havens
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Out Of Chamomile:
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Posted: Sat Jun 25, 2016 2:25 pm
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⊙〖OOC: -- ⊙ Today's Outfit: Catching Up At The Bar. ⊙ Feeling: Thoughtful; Reminiscent; Happy. ⊙ Money: $1480.50〗⊙
( ♬ But I think my mistakes became the chemistry for my miracles... • )
Although she surely hadn't been nearly as early as the wolf on rising out of bed, she was certainly dressed and ready for the day as the sun continued on its rise towards the peak of the sky. What time was it? The day before had been more reminiscent and nostalgic of seeing another blunette just behind Maxwell on her doorstep. Camille and Max staying the day was exciting as well, but she overall had failed at what she had intended to do - step into the bar and actually take a look at the wreck she was positive it was in. With a faint sigh she straightened her bra strap over the crest of the dip between her neck and shoulder, allowing it to slap back over her collarbone on each side. There was no doubt in her mind that she would have hours worth of paperwork, cleaning, and inventory to finish up with. Even payroll was off - and she most certainly would be shocked if the bartender she hired right before hand had stayed after all. She tousled her wet curls, drying rather quickly, with a mousse and splayed them on the neckline of her pale violet sweater. It was still pretty cold out, and as tired as she was of the winter weather, she had to keep in mind that she no longer had her body to herself. Her heels clicked across the master bathroom each way she moved. She'd need a jacket before she even thought of leaving the house - and today she'd even get to take her car! Now that most of the bruises, slices, and sore muscles had healed, she felt much more confident over her own protection. Of course, there was the panic in general of the exact same thing happening, especially with the absolute torment she had been put through three weeks ago. But...
Her head perked at the sound of her nickname falling off familiar lips. Quickly she crossed the tile, peeking her head around the corner to glance at the shut door. Had she shut it? She would have had to. He had moved away form her bedroom. The thought left a sour tang in her mouth, a bitter feeling relentlessly swallowing her skin and leaving a muggy, heavy emotion on her arms. "Come in!" She chirped. It was rare she was up by the time he left, even when he left with Sela. Her hand felt over her stomach, holding it in place as if it might bounce up and off of her body as she trotted back to the sink to reach for her make up bag.
( • ... And I think that my tests became my testimonies. ♬ ) |
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Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2016 4:10 pm
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Quoth The Raven: "Nevermore"═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═
✗ Aubrey, Sela ||| ✗ 1201 Pasadena ||| ✗ Is wearing Suspenders
✗ Journal: Updated 04/17 ||| ✗ Driving ||| ✗ Last Purchase: --
✗ Last Location: -- ||| ✗ Sela is Present and Wearing Owls
═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═
There was the sharp click of heels from beyond the door, Tyrese's brow raising in slight interest and curiosity before the brunette's voice called. She was up afterall, the only thing filling the bed as he stepped inside being the haze of a memory. It was fast paced for three weeks, but after all the overlapping days of seeing her isolated to a cotton woven shield of protection, he was relieved and -in a way- proud of Aubrey for pulling through. The medications would have given her a kick start, but after the initial bumb she'd outright put her flying colors on display. This morning, and for the last few mornings prior, she seemed prepped for regular routine. He was guessing she was taking that leap and no longer not be at home while he was away on normal duties. Seeing she wasn't done in the restroom, the wolf sat on the foot of the bed and started the conversation with her from there.
"You're up early. Sleep well?" He inquired, keeping his volume at a level that wouldn't bother his vocal cords. Hopefully she could hear him from the adjacent room, it wouldn't seem like an issue seeing as the two rooms were connected, but you'd be surprised just how quiet his voice actually was. It had seen some especially calloused days after the weeks of arguing with the blonde. The wolf hadn't asked her how she slept to see if she did well without him directly there, but it sounded that way once he heard it aloud, perhaps because he'd actually been thinking it. He should be asking more things about how she was doing on her own, but half of him didn't want to hear that he wasn't needed anymore and the other half already knew he wasn't just by watching her from day to day. She was fine, the only test that remained was being alone for a full day.
"So..." He leaned back on his elbows, stretching out his legs and crossing them at the ankle. "I was hoping we could have a quick conversation about how you've been doing lately." Whether she agreed that she was making as much progress as he thought she was, if she -now that she was better- still felt uncomfortable with him here everyday. The bluenette had put a lot of forethought into what he would say, and reminded himself of the importance of saying it. "I wanted to make sure I wasn't making you feel smothered, in case you were being too nice to tell me to go home already." He chuckled lowly, glancing over to the open doorway, then back over to nothing in particular. Ah, who was he kidding. There was nothing good about beating around the bush.
"I just think it's time to get Sela and I back home, she's needs a real bed and her own room. And I uh..." He sat up and exhaled silently. "It's a little inappropriate for me to be in your bed any longer. Rather than crowd you, I wanted to be sure you think you're ready for me to leave. It seems like you've been doing well the last few days that I'll only be stepping on your toes from here on out. If not, I'm sure me and Sela can pull through for a little longer. She'll be with her mother for the next couple weeks, so that'll help if I need to be here." He laid out the situation plainly, then tried to reassure she wouldn't agree simply because she thought she was bothering him at this point. It may just be normal that he was used to and wanted to be here, but that didn't make it healthy. "You tell me where you're at, and we can decide the best thing to do together."
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『Estate #: 1504 Lumiere ┋Funds: $462.75』
『Temper┋✎✎✎✎✎┋Stress┋✎✎✎✎✎┋Happiness lvls┋✎✎✎✎✎』
"My words are useless if they don't deconstruct the limitations that keep the creativity in you from flourishing." -TY Havens
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Out Of Chamomile:
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2016 10:01 pm
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⊙〖OOC: -- ⊙ Today's Outfit: Catching Up At The Bar. ⊙ Feeling: Wary; Thoughtful: Dejected. ⊙ Money: $1480.50〗⊙
( ♬ But I think my mistakes became the chemistry for my miracles... • )
It had become an unanimous decision that she needed to find something to do in Tyrese's absence when he went to work. Slipping downstairs to prop on the couch dully watching television didn't cut it for much longer; as much as she did love the idea of being able to binge Steven. The network had been much too kind to her over the course of last several weeks. Slowly the plague of responsibilities came to weigh back down, reseating themselves into the natural order of routine. Her bar, now broken and abandoned, replayed the physical degrading her own body received throughout the last few months. But on the other hand... She turned her head in the direction of the soft voice accompanied by the creaking of her mattress. A particular person had presented himself within the time of her need - reflecting emotions, thoughts, care she could only imagine two other people giving relentlessly, one of which was her father. And even then, the other, her possibly former husband, passed glances at her the navy orbed wolf may have assumed past over her vision as he did the equivalent. She ran her tongue over the roof of her mouth and gripped the marble edge of the bathroom counter she straightened herself in front of. "I slept, if that's what you mean." She teased, withholding a smile.
It wasn't a lie entirely. She had slept; though not particularly well per say. She missed the warmth by her side. Instead the bed lay empty as it had become in November of last year, if not September just before that, and replaced by another man in which she felt... Comfortable with. She ground her teeth into the flesh of her bottom rosy lip and considered the situation she visualized again and again. His feelings hadn't exactly flown clear over her head. The vision of the past hospital visit swelled her chest with a want, a need to relay her thoughts to him. She had made herself comfortable with him. Had envisioned him in her fantasies. Had felt the tender touches of his embrace in her dreams. Her amethyst eyes reflected back the guilt that remained from the first day of initial spiteful sparks that now swallowed her up in uncontrollable flames. She had been angry, disgusted, and still virtually was; indirectly sending the poisoned thoughts onto Sela each and every time she watched those crimson eyes gaze upon her. She felt guilty. Felt wrong. For allowing such a family to fall apart in assumptions that her own would not. That he would have a family to return to if his primary dissolved.
And now she had no such securities. She swallowed, focusing in on the doorway his voice entered and running a thumb across the forefront of her lip, settling it on the plush vermillion border. What would she say then? Would she let him know every subconscious longing she urged for? She ran her palm over the exposed skin beneath the scrunched lavender sleeve. But before she could delve any further into contemplation, his soft voice reached her ears again and she diverted her body from the mirror to exit the bathroom. She paused at the doorway, reaching into her back pockets to straighten both those and the fronts out and devoid either of any outstanding white fabric over the blue jean. "You know I could never be smothered by you, Tyrese." She began, lifting the corners of her lips in a warm smile. If it had been up to her, then perhaps he would never leave. He would have left his house almost as his own bed and breakfast, leaving it bare for those passing through town while he accompanied her bedding beside her. It was truth, though. She missed the idea of her happy life. But she had come to terms with realization that no such thing would come to her again; not with the shadow of the man that had fled the house.
The exhilaration and confidence fled her body, faltering the smile on her lips for a fraction of a second. As well as she attempted to hide the twitch, she herself knew there was practically nothing that slipped the wolf's surveillance suffice for the times he looked away. Fortunately, emotions made no noise for him to be curious about if he had missed it. From the first sentence she could spot the direction of his conversation, as well as the end point that she hadn't wanted to face. He had been distancing himself for reasons unbeknownst to her, and his admittance only drained the only conviction left within. She smoothed her hands over the bottom of her sweater to straighten and pick any cotton strands balled in lint from the drier. She wanted to turn to him and beg him to stay, run her hands across his arms and chest and express her need for him to be in the same home, even if he'd only be two neighborhoods away. She wanted to tug the suspenders over and off his clavicle, drawing her fingers over his tie until he chuckled and loosened it for her while she filled her nostrils with the pine scent he faintly covered on his beige skin. She wanted to plead and bargain that he'd hold her like the man she used to love did if it only meant staying another night. She wanted to share what she could with him in the time they had left together... Even if it only meant a short while.
A bitter taste crossed her tongue. She turned on her heel, the fake smile plastered on her face as she frantically searched for her maquillage bag in desperation to avoid the sudden oncoming disgust she felt in herself. The light of her eyes dulled a moment. What made her any better than Lillian? Here she stood, connected with a man whom she believed had left the same way his parents had; orphaning him in the streets of Calico. The black sequins glittered from the cabinet below as she squatted down, quickly grabbed and thrown onto the countertop. "No!" She began, pulling the short and thick black eyeliner with a shaky hand. She steeled herself, steadying her hand long enough to apply the tip to the inner threshold of her eyelids. She clicked open the case of her eyeshadow, staring down at the brown colors as if she had never chosen any of them before. However, she lowered it curtly after. "If you want to go home, then you can. If you want to stay here, then I'm not going to stop you." She ran her hand over the tube of ivory facial cream that matched her skin. With the twist of the cap, she found herself babbling, pushing off the degrading emotions now surfacing. "You know how much I like you being here, even if that means you're at work all day. Just your presence here is enough to make me smile throughout the day and-"
She cut herself off, smashing the sponge over her cheeks and forehead, dangling her bangs over her eyes. "I'm up to support you for whatever you choose." Her voice softly exited the room. And now... Now she longed for another man less than a year later of her husband's disappearance. She lied to herself as she stared at her phone every once in a while, awaiting the call that would somehow explain everything but... She imagined the conversation so much it felt more like a memory. The distraught, the smiles, the passing conversation that would follow. How have you been though? She ran the bristles of blush over her cheeks and settled the last case into the bag, refraining from layering mascara over her naturally long lashes. Her chest heaved an exhale through her flared nostrils, staring up at her appearance. No. She had put him through the ultimate test of friendship, if she could even consider it that so much on an emotional level. If Sela were to leave with her mother... Then what would stop him from coming back aside from the dispelled needs he had blatantly expressed not months earlier? Her hand cupped her cheek, crossing her pointer finger over the bridge of her nose to cut off the bottom right hand of her face, curling the rest of her hand over her quivering lips. They steadied, swallowing the lump in her throat. "It's the least I can do for all you've done for me."
( • ... And I think that my tests became my testimonies. ♬ ) |
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2016 4:24 pm
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Quoth The Raven: "Nevermore"═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═
✗ Aubrey, Sela ||| ✗ 1201 Pasadena ||| ✗ Is wearing Suspenders
✗ Journal: Updated 04/17 ||| ✗ Driving ||| ✗ Last Purchase: --
✗ Last Location: -- ||| ✗ Sela is Present and Wearing Owls
═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═
She'd slept. The wolf sighed at that sentiment. Yeah, him too, yet that was still loaning more to the term than how little he'd really gotten. Sleep hadn't been easy coming these last few months anyway, so not much was missed in that. Not for him, anyway. However, the difficulty of the change hadn't been one sided, he assumed that much as he listened to the pitch of her voice reverberate off the walls. Aubrey appeared in the doorway a moment later, her front half darkened in eclipse until she passed from one harsh artificial light into the natural rays pouring in from the open shutters and blinds. Tyrese repositioned himself to sit forward when the lady entered the room, his hands now coming to rest just below where his pants bunched against the turn of his hips. The compliment that would usually be given on her appearance was dismissed without verbal expression, the usual sweep of his stare instead staying on her eyes. He could try projecting an emotion that wasn't there with a carefully brushed on smile, but he couldn't seem to as he exhaled soundlessly. Oh no no, she simply couldn't see that she was smuggled by him, he could correct, because this whole situation seemed necessary rather than forced like it was. The two people who had twisted their limbs in the wrong directions had also crammed them into this. He'd deflected his own soul mate in the assurance that he knew what this woman, his object of desire, felt for him, but really that confidence was a shallow surface. The bluenette resisted the pull to revert his gaze to his heels, one of which he dig into the floor and the other he balanced on the toe of the first. He wasn't unaware of the line she'd fed him a few months back, he remembered the searing lash of recoil he’d felt through all the pain. She'd been right in doing so, but presenting her family to replace his really only stumped on his emotions rather than fed them with reassurance. A happy couple couldn't replace or sooth his feeling of being ripped away from his vision of that exact thing. What would that make him feel? Only the anger he'd come to her home with the same day he'd woken up at the hospital- but he didn't remember that anger. He remembered thinking that what was said about her and Finn was said to deflect what he'd almost laid on her mouth that night. Maybe none of the stop signals had been direct, but the apologies and the tears and the regret he'd stained her with were. Oh yes, he'd plowed this through his head as well. This was exactly smothering.
Aubrey began to fidget more than what was normal for her, so where as he'd usually be flustered on some inward level as to how she stayed so bright eyed and fragrant with splendor, he was instead wondering what was crossing her mind. Her smile was caving, and to what to give credit as the cause evaded him for a few moments. In her choosing to turn away, Tyrese let the opportunity to appraise the expression pass. He could feel that they were both turning away from what really wanted to be said, sticking to the niceties for...for what reason? It was just them here, just them in this like it had been for a long time now. The wolf rolled his head on his shoulders as she withdrew from sight, and he thought, words as well. But he was hit with an emotionally charged and unexpected objection, his eyes training on the doorway once more. No? Things were shuffled about with more force than before, making louder clangs as his brows began to furrow. No? No what? Don't go? Or maybe-...He listened to a statement that was meant to permit staying or going, yet heavily suggested the former as he flattened his feet and inhaled. Of course he didn't expect to be stopped, but. His hair bounced along his brow as he tipped his head forward, fingers beginning to claw the covers beneath his fingertips. The unheated cotton still couldn't cool his palms as he closed his eyes and doused out any receptors that let in a sense of disappointment. No, he didn't know how she felt about him being here, many weeks were shrouded in the anxiety of simply trying to assure she took a breath from one moment to the next. But at least a small, choked in, indication made him feel slightly comforted. She would support his choice. Ah...He hadn't been able to make his mind stop moving long enough to settle on one thing since the day Lillian cheated. Making a decision embodied weighing for the lesser evil, neither of which had the capacity to fully satisfy him, not from what he could see. There was no relief in being told anything was fine with her, it made something whirl inside that was already unstable and confused and broken and crying for...life? Acceptance? Requite? Healing? So many things that he nearly felt sick. Letting the sticks fall or the cookie crumble was impossible when he was still suspended off his feet and careening towards a ground that probably wasn't even there anymore. She'd given the expected reaction, fake as they both knew it was, and he couldn't sweep it under the rug pleasantly. Why should they lie to each other when they were all they had? Counted solely as friends if need be, he knew they could trust each other with even the most desperate truths.
Tyrese exhaled a cooling breath from the compression in his chest pushing out, his fingers brushing his bangs wayward from their usual position. Sighing, he trickled backwards, slowly slipping onto his back on the side of the mattress that had evolved into being his. Tyrannically? Permissibly? ”When I marked Lillian, I handed over more than just a metaphor. It was a real part of me, even if no one else could see it. I used to be able to close my eyes and feel the thoughts going through her head. I could feel her pulse even when she wasn't around.” His hand laid over his now cleared brow, the other closed over his diaphragm. He found himself biting his tongue, trying to dig his fingers deep enough into his abdomen to break skin. Inhaling slowly, there was a wet stream fleeing from his eyes and towards either side of his cheeks that he didn't bother to wipe as he tried reeling in the infernally hateful cloud of ash searing his lungs. He chuckled- or maybe it was a low sob. ”Now all I feel is this rift that used to be me, and it aches like nothing I have ever felt before. Sometimes I'm scared it'll never heal, and I can feel this callus growing on my heart that makes me scared of you, the one person I would trust with my life in any other circumstance. Scared that I'll be the rebound.” Funny how a kids show could teach a grown man something important. ‘It's okay to think about it.’ ‘You have to be honest about how bad it feels so you can move on.’ ”I hate her. I needed her to teach me how to be, and she abandoned me to gain an inheritance from her family. The b***h.” All the counseling he took so he could learn to let it go felt like a dream now, and he knew why. Because his mother screwed up everything he would be, and Lillian screwed up what he was trying to be. ”And then I met her, and I felt like I had to patch every hole she put in me. I coddled her because she cried crocodile tears, I never made her step up for hurting me, and I questioned why. I spent so many years pining to be accepted by the one person who brought me here that I thought it was normal to blame myself for other people coming up short.”
He didn't expect these tears to still be fresh after three months, and it only made him feel angrier and stupider. ”I don't know why I was so determined to be with her five years later. I found out I had a kid the same time she was screaming at me that I was exactly like my father, that I had been the one to break her. I thought being with her was the right thing to do! I hate, I HATE being compared to my father and she knew that! And then I see myself, it's like I'm driving a car that's heading right towards a tree. I know it's wrong, I know I'll wreck my car if I don't steer away from it, but I think all the good I'm trying to do will change things. Like the tree will move itself so everything turns out okay, when in actuality I should have just had the common sense to steer clear of the ******** tree in the first place.” Where was this coming from?! Was this supposed to happen? The conversation wasn't supposed to take this kind of turn! ”It should have raised a red flag when she did that. She was the one who walked away back then and if I hadn't been making all those stupid decisions and rushing everything, then I would have never been in the position to be hurt the second time around!” His fingers balled into the bangs of hair he'd been trying to lay aside, every cell connected to them whirring in disorientation. Ugh, this hadn't been the point of coming up here. All of this, all of those things brought him to this. Sure his issues may have been problematic for a relationship, but the real problem with them had always been Lillian. Why did she get to be over it?! ”I feel so stupid! All these poisonous thoughts go through my head because of them. How can I keep you? How can I keep others away from you? Am I being too pushy? Am I rushing myself too fast? I was wrong for sending Finn away, I was being controlling over who I let come around. I thought you'd instantly love anyone who wasn't me if I didn't. So then I thought putting some distance between us would give me some perspective, but everything was the same chaos.”
The way something felt didn't always justify the means of doing it, he'd learned that now; if it were all as simple as feeling the same then perhaps they would never have needed to worry about anything. Nevertheless, knowing the world doesn't work that way was surely the reason he and Aubrey were giving the expected retorts while exempting the real ones. ”I don't want to leave.” The wolf relayed the first confession, the most important one. He swallowed afterwards, biting the side of his lip and pausing to relieve his throat for a few moments. He let himself feel his heart march to a rhythm that wasn't morose with undertones of betrayal and continued hurt. ”After everything you have stuck with me through, the stuff I do is only scratching the surface of the things I really want to do for you.” He would try to make her understand if he could, but doubted that one could explain these things with words. ”I need to know how you feel being on your own because leaving is the right thing to do, not what I want to do. If you aren't ready, then I already wanted to stay. But if you are, then you shouldn't be be seen with a man who's not your husband coming and going from your house, and I shouldn't be seen living with a married woman. We both have kids to protect.” Cut and dry, the blatant truth he'd been prodded by again and again. No mess, whether birthed from truth or lies, needed to be ammo for Lillian or Finn. Not against their kids, not against them. ”I came here because we were both going through loss. But the more I stayed here getting to wake up with you, learning what your heart sounds like while you're asleep. Crying with you, learning how to live again just like you were. I love you more with each thought that brings me back to seeing your face in the back of my mind.”
Tyrese closed his eyes, listening for the breaths he knew so intricately. She couldn't stifle the strain in her voice or the muffle that came with folding delicate fingers over her lips, he heard it just the same. Was it this hard for the both of them? ”After a while I felt like staying here would make you see me. It was being here to support you and being here to become apart of what you are and what I see you as. Magnificent and strong, a mosaic built out of broken pieces. You're someone who became more beautiful than what you were before. You reassembled into this new, ethereally breathtaking source of life for me. Now being here or not being here has rooted into an anxiety of needing to win you and keep anyone else from winning you.” He could finally breath a little easier, trying to discern just what this talk had become on his end. There was so much in his head and it constantly interfered with every move he made. Was it too much or too little, he'd fret and worry. The anxiety, the weight loss and sleeplessness. Barely eating, running himself ragged. It couldn't go on. ”I love you. I…” Bolder moves had been played as the weeks passed, a sense of comfort, it could be worded. Or perhaps confidence that his place with her was cemented. ”I like being where you are. I like where I am right here. Being with you has been good for me too. When you took me under the water, you redefined who shaped the world for me and...I really needed that.” Tyrese began drying his face, not sure whether she'd stayed or strayed out of the tile lined room. Regardless, he sat up and tented his fingers over his knees, laying his lips against the steeple and searching for his final thought amongst the mess of words that had come spilling out of his mouth. ”If anything is the least you can do, then please let it be the truth about how you feel.”
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『Estate #: 1504 Lumiere ┋Funds: $462.75』
『Temper┋✎✎✎✎✎┋Stress┋✎✎✎✎✎┋Happiness lvls┋✎✎✎✎✎』
"My words are useless if they don't deconstruct the limitations that keep the creativity in you from flourishing." -TY Havens
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Out Of Chamomile:
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2016 4:43 am
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⊙〖OOC: -- ⊙ Today's Outfit: Catching Up At The Bar. ⊙ Feeling: Wary; Thoughtful: Dejected. ⊙ Money: $1480.50〗⊙
( ♬ But I think my mistakes became the chemistry for my miracles... • )
She had expected, at the very least, for the honey brunette to rush by Tyrese, hurtling the stairs two by two and beg for her forgiveness. To kneel in front of her with balled shaking hands and run his cheek against the crest of her pregnant stomach - rattling apologies for the months worth of abandonment escorted by his receding. She cried, in essence, for Finn Teagan to return. Yet instead was granted with a shifted reality in which dreams converted to nightmares as she found her hands intertwined with Tyrese's in the oncoming months. Longing gazes distracted the pain and depression long enough to virtually find herself again. The warming smile on tanned lips numbed the overwhelming impression of her passing husband. But- She withheld the urge to hiss at the very name of the blonde she familiarized herself with in relative terms of disgust. No. What had separated her from Lillian's desperate destruction in their relationship aside that her own unborn baby still lay inside of her; cherishing nourishment as a rarity? Aside from the promises of marriage made less than two years ago on Lune's shores? Her vision fluttered to the bare ring finger hovering over a silver cosmetic utensil untouched for years. The same vows she felt relinquished along with the writing in her most recent diary entry now stuffed into the nightstand table drawer felt absent, translucent.
The green bathroom drywall became transparent. From that one choking sound she could visualize the male's bulky frame leaned back against the area of his- of her bed she missed - and wanted - him in. The rift, so she would admit to herself, the longing to be nurtured by another being and feel that same placement in a coax to replace the disdain. But as the soliloquy carried on she felt the disinclined smugness at assuming he had muttered a discorded offense in her name. Quickly it was disbanded and she stifled an exhale, allowing her curls to drift over her cheekbones and curtain the only remaining source of sunlight peering over the bathroom windowsill. They negotiated the terms of surrender against their will. They were forced to become accustomed to such a state of emotional wreckage that it was unclear they would survive the battle. And yet, as they watched the two calmly dissipate from their lives, they necessarily dressed each other's wounds. Each touch became prolonged. Each gaze faltered under the consciousness of morality without an audience. Every encouragement hid a concealed denotation of personal medicine to affliction.
She had understood then. The offer of a second chance hung in the balance those years ago while standing in the entrance of the Calico City general store. There she had locked on to the same face she had physically dismissed from spiritual desire; golden eyes hammering down on her in, she knew, decelerated juncture. Reluctantly she thrust common sense aside and allowed the demons of her subconsciousness to possess her. He had been correct on every degree of his perpetuated thoughts: It should have raised a red flag. She should have avoided any and all meaningful discussion with him at that very moment - but she knew as soon as he opened his mouth that the stitches would pry open a torrent of refused misery and torment. Torment, to say, she now considered a natural toxicity. But... The full extent of his admission hovered over her head before finally lifting her chin and directing herself to the exiting doorway. There was a prolonged silence as she waited upon his succeeding vocalization - an explanation she found herself begging to mend the lacerated hope diminished mere moments beforehand. With distracted deliberation she failed to discern the change in subject presented before her; an aspiration abstracted in dreams both day and night.
Frozen she stood in front of the bathroom mirror, adjudicating making herself apparent to the confessing wolf in the attached master bedroom. She felt, in this moment, a surreptitious excitement that ultimately brought her slowly making her way to the bathroom threshold. She paused several steps to, listening to the clicking echo of her last heel over the linoleum floor. Several paces could be crossed until she would be made in clear view, but as she laid her hand over the rounded corner a few feet from, a finishing thought laced her mind with confidence. A married woman but she felt no earning to the title. No physical attachment, no emotional pride, no- A man whom was not her husband but cared for her all the same, and more; had pledged his allegiance to her well being not as a token of repayment but mutual respect, understanding, admiration, and love. A love that so delicately confused the hammering in her chest with that of embarrassment for seeing her in such a fragile state. A love that, even pure, she believed to be a successor due to the situation. The terror of love being confused with that of her husband bedeviled itself with fear, but now she knew otherwise.
That was her separation from Lillian. Her loyalty, her visionary, romantic want for continuing life with a person she believed to be her soul mate. A person she had given her any and everything to for the pursuit of happiness in that he may live in comfort and luxury. A person who, in the end, would abandon her again by unrecognized selfish ideals. He had gone to find his family, and, in essence, had rejected, dismissed her gift of receiving one. The man that stood before her now was kind, pure of heart, passionate- Things acquired not through experience but through the want and need to make their loved one truly happy. And she had disowned that with bedding another man. Had destroyed any chance of revival between their daughter and her child's father. She stopped in the doorway with thinned rosy lips, watching over him as he portrayed his want, his need, for her to stay close by; of which she wanted to return. Watching his form beneath the watery surfaces of the beach had been an experience for them both... He careened himself into a sitting position with damp cheeks, dabbing over what tears he felt emanate from his handsome navy orbs.
"Tyrese..." She began, resting her tongue over the roof of her mouth with an audible pause. The name had layered itself on her tongue so often she felt incomplete without the very least murmuring it once a day. She stood tall in the door frame, unable to tear her amethyst gaze off the slumping celestial strands crossing his hands. He loved her; that was enough to stabilize her next words. "There were times..." How would she begin? How would she start to express the emotions wound so tightly around her vocals that to give a vague utterance would lead to a choke? This was it. This was the final leap of faith to begin life anew; far from the broken histories that lay behind. Finally she could release her feet from the broken glass beneath her. She took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, finally peeling her irises off of him and to nothing in particular. Here comes a thought. The coloration of her cheeks began to redden. "This isn't the first time Finn's left." Perhaps to start at the beginning would become the best course of action. For him to hear that she understood on a completely other level than simply over the events happening in their current town would put his mind at ease that it wasn't a weakness by his specific means. No, she had been living a lie.
"Back in high school... The last year just before graduation? I stopped hearing from him." She shrugged, leaning against the empty doorway. "I didn't think much of it. But as each month passed by, I couldn't help but start to panic. We were soul mates. And soul mates- Everyone had it in their head that a soul mate was someone that's supposed to stick by your side, that makes them absolutely perfect for you at the time." The last few words of the statement were enunciated. She crossed her arms over her chest. "That as soon as you switched bodies, that was the person you'd spend the rest of your life with. As if it was guaranteed that you'd never lose each other within your lifetime. But it didn't." She narrowed her eyes in thought, this time dry from bitter memories. "There are other options aside from your destiny." She had personally found the concept difficult to come to terms with, but... "I thought, that over a year later, when I saw him leisurely strolling through Calico, that giving him a second chance when he begged my forgiveness would be the best direction for me. Despite the fact that he'd torn my heart to shreds. That he was my soul mate and I needed him in my life. And look where that got me."
She flowered her palms outwards, uncrossing her arms from her chest and gesturing to the now husband-less house around her. Now, what she saw, was Tyrese. "For the past several weeks I restrained, I suppressed, I smothered the idea of feeling the same way I did for Finn. I challenged the notion that, in retrospect, should have felt so morally disgusting on my heart. Yet..." Like a school girl she could feel herself becoming restless, unsure of what to do with her movements. She ran a hand through her almost dry curls and pushed the bangs off of her forehead with laced confusion. "I can't stop loving this life with you." Her eyes came to meet his face - assuming he would look at her at this point. If not, she would study in onto any facial features she could. She felt hysterical. And her heart wouldn't stop throbbing near her rib cage. "Loving this new life with a man that has shown me so much compassion, carefulness, and heart in my darkest time of need. A man that I've never so badly wanted to hold and be held in more than just friends." She didn't want to alarm him, but found herself with the inability to halt. With several slowed, steady paces she closed the distance between them, laying her hands over the crest of his suspenders and smoothing them over. She stood between his legs.
"I don't want you to leave, Tyrese. I've never wanted you to leave." Her babydoll lips protruded over the thin lined grip she finally released them from. "If they want to believe I'm spending my time in an affair away from a husband that hasn't shown his face, much less his voice, for three months, then so be it." Her voice caught and time seemed to slow for the petite brunette for a few moments. Her hands skimmed the white undertone of his neck collar and rolled along his beige skin until she could feel his cheeks rest beneath her palms. "But they need to know that I relinquish my love for a man that no longer loves the family left behind." He would understand. He would know every word she spoke at this point was truth and not desperation. "And that I..." Weeks and weeks of underlying downright endearment for each time he complimented her, falsified his tone when relaying the message, and separated himself for her sake. She could hear her heart pulsating her ear drums. "If the least I can do for you is tell you the truth, then know..."
"I love you."
( • ... And I think that my tests became my testimonies. ♬ ) |
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2016 7:32 pm
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Quoth The Raven: "Nevermore"═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═ ║═
✗ Aubrey, Sela ||| ✗ 1201 Pasadena ||| ✗ Is wearing Suspenders
✗ Journal: Updated 04/17 ||| ✗ Driving ||| ✗ Last Purchase: --
✗ Last Location: -- ||| ✗ Sela is Present and Wearing Owls
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The brunette was silent in the bathroom for a long time, the walls making her almost unreadable to the anxious male not far beyond them. Small signals still remained, her breathing, occasional movements, her scent. And yet he couldn't predict her perceptions. The linoleum tiles gave her away, chanting sharp alarming clicks as her heels fell over their smooth, cold surface. Once she appeared, she broke the silence with a indecisive click of her tongue.
“Tyrese...”
The wolf closed his eyes and brought his thumb and his pointer finger to either of his temples, pressing into the small cranial indents with a heavy sigh. He didn’t want to hear his own name right now, he loathed the creature that name belonged to. Even if he tried to convince himself he wouldn’t be the person he is without life's early struggle, he still had to realize he was trying to give Aubrey a crippled and unwhole man. He wished that, in the midst of pouring himself out to the woman he loved, that he had something better to offer her than simple shambles. He desperately wanted to say something inside of him had bloomed amongst all the afflictions and prickling barbs he'd grown on his skin. He couldn’t be sure he had anything left that wasn't the result of a poisoned mind. Instead he had nothing to promise her that could prove some beauty had come from this, that his roots had found refuge far below the dried and lifeless sands. How to make Aubrey understand that his history made him feel…Unworthy. Unready. Uncertain.
“There were times…”
Her words proceeded with enough pause in between that the wolf felt inclined to peel his eyes from beneath his palm, watching her linger within the door frame in a contemplating fashion. The words were hard coming for her, if not evident by the deep steadying breaths and the flush to her cheeks. Tyrese attempted a reassuring smile with his world weary, under the breath chuckle, laughing at them and where they were right now. Them, straining to look dignified after the shame they'd experienced for choosing to love the wrong people. Although, for all he knew, Finn would come home any day now. He'd show up recovered and fully reverted to his usual outgoing self, and like she'd cried for on the beach, he'd be ready to return his marriage to what it had been in the months before Ty was around. Finn’s behavior could simply be a phase, a moment to realize that not everything was out of his system. With how quickly and chaotically as Ty had been thrown into fatherhood, Finn may have gotten a bit shaken himself? Certainly some good explanation had to exist in light of what he'd ventured into ever since they found out the brunette was expecting. If only he got it out of his system...But Aubrey seemed to disagree. To his astoundment, she disclosed that the honey brunette’s sudden abandonment wasn't new. This wasn't the first time he'd left her?! The author snorted, his lips ajar and dubiously shaped into downward lines. He’d never mentioned that when they talked. Why did he leave before? There was no way he'd played her like Lillian had him. No...not Finn…
Despite his eyes suddenly searching her averted gaze, nothing that followed her admission lent an elucidation. Had he ever even explained?! Tyrese ground his jaw, shaking his head and looking at something else. And he'd leave her a second time, when she was pregnant. That was her point, he realized. Aubrey had chosen Finn when he had discarded her once before, giving her every justification never to spare him a second glance again; and yet she had. Like he had with Lillian. The man’s eyes fluttered half shut in contemplation and confusion. There was no figuring out ‘why’ to either of their collective parts. The two sincere lovers had nothing to show for pursuing two phantoms of real love whom remained half assed in their own affections. No ‘Why’ laid in wait for two sincere lovers who had gone back to their vomit.
”s**t, I-...” Tyrese shook his head again. He wanted to apologize, but no longer would he convey any sense of recompense in place of someone who had brought it on themselves; not anymore. Finn could be sorry alone, assuming he had one up on Lillian and knew what it really meant to be sorry. Best friends or not, and that had faded when Finn revealed he'd known about Sela all along, he hoped the b*****d got a good look at what he turned his back on. The author sighed. Aubrey was leaned into the threshold, a cold shrug showing she was perhaps trying to be dismissive of the past and the emotions it brought back. Now he understood what she meant as she explained what she'd been thinking when she switched bodies with Finn, and how being soul mates had made her take him back. Tyrese shared the same opinion about that label. Mates was already a powerful concept for wolves; mates meant imprinting, intertwining two souls together, connecting for life. Soul mates meant weaving themselves into an eternal tapestry of partnership. He'd tried to chose that for himself, and she'd found it in exact context (according to the school, that is.) And yet...here they both were? She emphasized that it'd seemed perfect ‘at the time.’ It looked good for a while, but it had only fit because they'd wanted it to. So that meant school only good for, what?- Showing whom life's path should proceed with, even if it lead to a life that wasn't ideal?
“There are other options aside from your destiny.”
He said the same thing before and regretted it; Aubrey said it now and Ty wondered how the hell anyone got by. Choosing didn't work, being shown didn't work. Maybe it was isolated to them? He inhaled slowly, his scrunched brows crunching all the more. In the end the wolf was learning something new...he hadn't made the sort of mistake someone else would have plainly seen through and avoided after all. Other people, her included, had done the same thing. They saw the wreckage coming and let hope fool them into refusing to steer clear. He was shocked it had happened to the sagacious brunette; no one would have ever suspected or known it wasn't always put together. She had given up her dream career and moved across states and countries for her lover. Aubrey had even been ready four months ago to sacrifice all of that for the second time, all to maintain the commitment she had already solely done all the work in holding together; she was losing more than him, if they were speaking honestly. Her arms uncrossed and showed him a physically empty room, though he knew for her it would be filled with echoes of memories now long forsaken.
“And look where that got me.”
Now he sorta hoped he hadn't sounded like a complete d**k to mistakenly think it was just him who was used. Lillian had shown her true colors in prelude to marriage and years of investment. If he thought his world was falling apart when he and Lillian ended, then his mind must only know an increment of what she felt during all those hard nights. At least now his eyes were open. It was mentally and emotionally wounding to think their simple motives of wanting to be with the people they thought they needed could lead to the blind decisions they'd made. For the moment she had him in the position to do the listening, and what she told him made him want to be that much better for her. He wanted to be her careful sympathiser, her genuinely loving debonair. He was altogether perplexed by her next statements. Feeling the same way for Finn? Morally disgusting? Deep pools of dark blue linked to her gaze, both gently swimming with confusion and reticence. After a while -and he'd admit it- he'd been more upfront about his feelings. As a result, he knew he'd be...inappropriately, unfairly, trying to change her emotions towards him. But has that made her think this? Confused about Finn and disgusted by him? Okay so, that would be ‘fair’ in a matter of speaking, but damn did it hurt.
“I can't stop loving this life with you.”
Oh…
So that's what she meant. His heart jolted but his body froze, prudently suspended in the caution of not wanting to disillusion himself. Had he been dreaming of a moment like this for so long that he was cutting and pasting dialog over reality? He asked for the truth about him leaving, and that's what he got. But then, she expressed so much more than the expectation he was holding her to. More than he thought she was ready to delve into. Tyrese wasn't sure how to mentally proceed. She gave his situation hope, but did he love this situation because of her? Was this earnestly a ‘New life?’ Pregnant and living in a home abandoned by one lover and filled by- another broken person. Ha! The wolf exhaled roughly, flinching slightly as her hands came to rest on his shoulders. Please don't let this be a dream, pleasepleaseplease.
Although she had already stopped in her new position before him, her heels were still carrying her forward and her body was still swaying. Everything sank in as an after imagine dragging behind the rest, slowly syncing with the present as her hands grazed over his collar.
Compassion, carefulness, heart. Him?
His gaze shifted away, head declined from the eyes hovering over him. He'd been trying to be those things, but hadn't been sure if they really shone through the confusing mess his actual actions had been. She'd seen them, somehow, and he felt suddenly relieved. It was because of exactly this that he was so desperate for her. Because she was building a mosaic out of a shattered life and a broken man. Only she was capable of doing so after he'd done nothing but portray himself as a failure. He hadn't surrendered purely because of her holding him together, he'd come this far because she'd encouraged him just by wanting him around. He wouldn't let anyone have the opinion they'd ever done anything wrong. Not ever. He'd deal with anyone stupid enough to open their mouths about it, to judge without knowing what had been stolen from them. Although, maybe he shouldn't care! She would tell them, and he didn't care if anyone else heard it so long as he did so now, ‘So be it.’ Let them think she was having an affair, the prior phantom of love that was, was disinherited. Aubrey Clark loved imperfect Tyrese Havens. Starting from when, how many weeks exactly? He wanted to know. Closing his eyes, the bluenette’s hands trickled onto and slowly along her forearm, brows still vaguely wrinkled and thoughtful. He loved her, he...He wet his lips, overlapping his hands over his cheeks with hers. He wanted forever with her. He wanted this life. This...new life. His sights felt different in an instant, different than how they'd visualized the world for the last four months- or even the last five minutes. He felt different. The storm ceased, scattering endless shards of destructive thoughts into the wasteland below. Then a fresh breeze closely followed, gingerly blowing away debris and ashes until fresh flourishes of vibrant green grass remained in its place. Something bloomed. His feet anchored, eyes deepening into final sobriety as he found her eyes. Not whole, not yet, but so much like someone who had come out on the other side. She was the silver lining, and it instantly burst into daylight.
“I love you.”
Tyrese couldn't feel his own breaths, one hand turning palm forward and slipping under hers. He intertwined their fingers, bringing each of her fingertips to his lips to kiss in turn. Her skin was warm, though each line that made up her fingerprints tickled slightly against his flesh. Pausing after kissing her thumb, the wolf studied the water elemental’s face for a small silent interval. He wanted to smile, to laugh, to cry. He didn't, not immediately, rather finding his voice as he looked for the familiar swirls of purple and brown. ”Say that last thing again.” Letting go of her hand and nudging gently at her hips, he stood and slowly weaved his fingers through her hair, fingers coming to rest with his thumbs cupping her chin. He leaned down and kissed her forehead over her mostly dry curls. Her heart was racing, but it matched his. ”Say It again.”
With arms folding around her waist, he lifted her feet off the floor- careful of her more prominent baby bump as his brow grazed against hers. He wanted to feel her skin, but her body heat sufficed to bring a stupid smile to his face for a few seconds. For now this was how things felt most natural, this was somehow his place. They would work it out. Nevertheless, the man was blessed. He tenderly kissed beside her lips, listening for the words that were whirring him higher and higher with every passing heartbeat. He felt humble. Her feet touched back to ground carefully, his chest quivering with small chuckles. Everything was disappearing but her, everything but what she made him breath and fill himself with. ”Say it again.” He wanted to hear her voice echo continually. If he was dreaming he wanted to do so unendingly.
We can watch them go by from here.
Was he going too fast? What could he assume this confession meant for them? Could he call her his own? All he could think was how he felt, and that much still scared him. But he'd known for a while now that she was worth the risk. If love was worth fighting for, he could look at her and be ready for war. He thought to mind himself, nonetheless, like they both still needed time- and they would, a little. Still, he could only hope to convey to her what the months of hoping and yearning and wanting whether it had ever been right or wrong had felt like. She was his dream. ”I love you.”
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『Estate #: 1504 Lumiere ┋Funds: $462.75』
『Temper┋✎✎✎✎✎┋Stress┋✎✎✎✎✎┋Happiness lvls┋✎✎✎✎✎』
"My words are useless if they don't deconstruct the limitations that keep the creativity in you from flourishing." -TY Havens
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Out Of Chamomile:
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