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 Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:36 pm
surprised That was really good! I wish I could write...
My only problem is in this part:
Were dreams are not,
but mistery.
Were fate is like,
A tragidy.
"Were dream are" doesn't really make sense to me and you spelt tragedy incorrectly.
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:39 pm
TurtIe Tracks surprised That was really good! I wish I could write... My only problem is in this part: Were dreams are not, but mistery. Were fate is like, A tragidy. "Were dream are" doesn't really make sense to me and you spelt tragedy incorrectly. hey leave me and my bad grammer alone, i was a pot head for four years and im only a 9th grader! emo
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:41 pm
I like it. whee . Very strong rhythm.
Edit: It seems I was swooshed a good few times. gonk . Internet woe.
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:43 pm
Instead of saying leave me alone and making excuses, use her advice to better your work.
Bustin' chops. 8D
150
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Jafthasleftthebuilding Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:43 pm
K0m0d0 I like it. whee . Very strong rhythm. it? you mean them XD. its 3 poems. and i need to tweak them. but oh well. those had little thought to them. finished all three in five minutes total.
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:45 pm
Jaft Instead of saying leave me alone and making excuses, use her advice to better your work. Bustin' chops. 8D 150jaft. Those had little thought to them. plus dark isnt much for grammar. i like the...chello? i think it is... sweatdrop the big violin thing that you set on the floor...
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Jafthasleftthebuilding Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:47 pm
Eh? Cello I think. One of those weird words.
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:48 pm
yeah thats it. My mom says "Ch"ello. so thats how i pronounce it ><
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:50 pm
Jaft Instead of saying leave me alone and making excuses, use her advice to better your work. Bustin' chops. 8D 150
Don't let anybody tell you poetry is hard. You get to be lazy. >w<.)
How's your story coming along, Jaft? Marvelously, I presume?
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:51 pm
I might just submit an old poem instead. This story might not work out... I'll still finish it though, just maybe not for this contest. >.> Otherwise I think it's good. Probably a B- if it was a CW paper. 8D
152
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Jafthasleftthebuilding Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:00 pm
Jaft I might just submit an old poem instead. This story might not work out... I'll still finish it though, just maybe not for this contest. >.> Otherwise I think it's good. Probably a B- if it was a CW paper. 8D 152
I'm sure Eien will be pleased with whatever we turn up with, provided we don't turn up with nothing. ^^
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:02 pm
Fallen angel,
spread your wings.
little one,
Let them sing.
Hold your heart,
to the sky.
Were heaven holds it,
With her life.
You fall to earth,
to never be.
Live young one,
without wings.
Forget your past,
Know not the sky.
Crimson angel,
Soon you die.
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Jafthasleftthebuilding Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:04 pm
Lol... Just to tease the imagination, my Short Story involves two gay men. 8D
153
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:15 pm
Jaft Lol... Just to tease the imagination, my Short Story involves two gay men. 8D 153
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:26 pm
Warrior,
walk to the trees.
Live this life,
of misery.
Your wounds will heal,
but scars will stay.
You shall know,
what is true pain.
Love is lost,
In this grave.
She cries for you,
At heavens gates.
She sits aside,
As she waits.
For her warrior,
To Die of age.
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