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Tam sighs and shakes his head. "I... I don't know... I... want... to... but" he sits up and wraps his arms about his knees and buries his head in his arms.

"Zerenatian, it's not so easy as all that. When angels bond their minds join in a permanent manner. We're not exactly one, we don't always know what the other is thinking, but we sure do know how they feel. We know when they are hurt, unless they try to block us out, and we die when they die. How or why Veras survived the loss of his swedh, no one knows. But it is a well known fact that he is more than a little mad. He hunts down knowledge for knowledge sake, caring not who or what it affects, hoarding it in his caverns. It is all he lives for. Bez checks in on him from time to time to make sure he is alive and well, but his life is a hell. He speaks to his swedh as though he is there, walking beside him, even though he died so very long ago. And knowledge without Truth is a terrible thing.

I know not how Bez survived those long lonely centuries without me... while I laid in our master's realm healing, but it has affected him in so many untold ways. He's not the person I bonded myself to. He's different. And... so am I. I... want... to forgive... but something deep inside prevents it... sometimes I don't think he wants me to..."

Tam lifts his head and stares at the gem-child, hunger for some sort of healing plainly visible in his eyes. He nods after a bit and drops his head back down.

Tam really hasn't left much out, he's been perfectly honest about most of what he thinks is wrong. But there is one glaring omission. Fear. Tam's soul is riddled with it. Fear of failure, fear of Bez... even fear of the all-father's wrath for the madness he had sunk into once learning of who and what he was... how he functions is an amazing discovery, except that he also does not seem to be aware he is truly terrified... of being alone far more than anything else on his seemingly mile long list.

Dulled perhaps, but far form removed, still it seems to have some effect, for the bard no longer appears to be so withdrawn. No doubt Bez's attack was what pushed him over the edge. The fears had to have been there, like shadowy specters, hovering over Tam's thoughts, only he had bravely fought it off. Now though the boogie man was real and he can no longer deny their existence.

Finally, Tam seems to relax. He is breathing easier and considerably less tense. Looking up with a small sad smile, he thanks Zerenatian for helping him find some sort of center.

"One man's wisdom is another man's driviel, but I will listen, Zerenatian , and if it applies... use it to the best of my ability." says Tam with a shadowy twist of a smile.

"Tam lowers his head back to his arms. "I'll think about it..." he whispers in a choked voice.