Welcome to Gaia! ::

Looked like a Kalamata. Admittedly I have only had one fig before this in my lifetime. Now I can say I've had for more then I would have preferred. I don't like eating on patrol. Though some of the fruits here are worth eating wherever anyway. The grapes are wonderful for instance. Plums are alright, peaches are okay. God knows what else I have eaten out here. The rice is my second favorite rice I have ever eaten oddly enough. Next to sticky rice, this stuff is great. The goat and sheep taste pretty good too.

Here is that picture. My NCO named the picture "Nelson wants kids now." Whats so humorous about that is I am adamant in not wanting to raise any.



Looking through my photobucket I felt the urge to post other pictures of myself. However I chose not to due to how much I dislike them.

More good news, I'm finally getting promoted. After being the bottom of the barrel for so long, only a sliver of luck has kept me afloat. I managed to avoid two article 15s that where hardly worthy of even being considered and waiting half a year longer to get promoted. Now I am finally there. Ya it's not a huge promotion, but I actually feel like I earned it. My first promotion I was on a dead man profile for a hernia for six months so I didn't do anything to deserve it.

Congrats, PFC!

I have spent far too much money on ebay lately. I've been buying all sorts of outfits for my wife to wear for me when I get back. And now because of my excitement, I perceive time as being slowed. The fact we already have so many fun activities planned doesn't help either. I'm really looking forward to picking her up at a bar as a sort of fantasy we want to try out. Never really been one for role-play but it would be nice to see if I still have the magic.

Okay, I've just been patrolling for the past twelve hours. I was almost too tired to reply to my wife's message. I wouldn't be so annoyed with this expect for the fact that the night patrol that lasted seven hours was pointless and the day patrol immediately afterward took far longer then it should have.

I wouldn't say it's a matter of being threatened, but more of a matter of an odd change of pace. A role change completely different for us. The reasoning behind why I feel it is odd and should be changed is because of our set roles in our relationship. She likes to feel small and weak around me. She trained me from the moment we met for me to get used to ordering her around and being someone she can rely one. When I say trained, I refer to the subconscious training most women do to men they fancy. She is completely submissive and relishes in being number two to me. I have given her many opportunities to take a dominant role in other aspects of our life aside from the cooking and cleaning. But she firmly denies the chance. What it comes down to is not me wanting to be stronger, it's both of us wanting me to be stronger. Her ideal man is a strong and emotionally stable human being. She wants to feel weak in my arms because of my strength and confidence. She wants to be adorably helpless.

So if she gains more skill in an area that I am supposed to rein, that messes up the balance that we both prefer. And when I say it wont take me long to regain the balance, I don't mean I will be dedicating any more time then normal in doing so. My normal speed through gaming is far faster then hers, even on my military schedule. With the time off I will have after this deployment, playing normally will allow me to surpass her without any effort. The key point to this is that neither of us will care. Balance will be restored.

Now to address your points. If it wasn't already clear, it's not making her less so I can be more. It is about balance like I said already. We both know our strong points in the relationship. Both in relevant tasks key to daily living and our free time joys. I can't crochet, I can't write stories, I can't watch horror movies, I can't read books for hours on end, etc. She can, and she always will. She can't build a state of the art computer, she can't maintain all the tech in the house, she can't install car parts, she can't watch tv for hours on end, etc. I can. We both have our skills and domains. I don't encroach on hers and she doesn't encroach on mine. The things we do together for fun is a careful balance. Most of her activities is a single person joy. Some of the things we can share though is tv, movies, and video games. And again, we have our preferences that are maintained while doing this. She can only watch certain tv shows, I can only watch certain movies, but we both play the same co-op games. When we do these activities together, it falls on both of us to find a compromise. Thats part of a healthy relationship. As the master, I could easily tell her what I want to watch and not give a care about her opinion. But that would be wrong for obvious reasons. The point is that her excelling while I am gone, and me feeling odd about it isn't a matter off feeling less where I used to feel more. It's a matter of how I am going to pick these games up when I return. Her unrequested input could harm my experience, not that she would do it on purpose of course. Even something as trivial as a body motion could imply an important event about to unfold. Sounds trivial, but know I have a feeling of what to expect and won't be as surprised by it. I know her body as well as my own and can interpret what she does. Not as trivial as it may seem, at least to me.

Second of all, if it was implied I have to undermine her to feel good about myself I am sorry for your misinterpretation. I couldn't be happier that she is pursuing games on her own, I have always wanted a "gamer chick." And if I wasn't a confident person, it really would bother me about getting ahead of her again. If any of this actually bothered me, instead of it being an odd thought for an interesting scenario like it is, I would have told her to mail me the xbox as soon as the thought occurred. I could very well take it when I go on leave next month. But I won't, it would be pointless since I wouldn't be able to play it much and I would be limited ways she could entertain herself. And to be honest I am a little insulted that you think I have to put others down to feel good about myself. I won't blame you nor be angry at you because your simply going off what you know and interpreting that in your own way. But I can assure you that is far from the kind of person I am. Allow me to tell you a story for a little bit of incite.

When I was young and in elementary school, I was bullied and had no friends. I had just moved from California, a place where I had many friends and no bullies, to Arizona where it was the complete opposite. I couldn't even understand the concept being being a bully back then because I had never met any before I moved. That continued with pretty much the same people up until seventh grade when I moved to a tiny middle school with completely different people. Up until then I was getting bad grades, getting beaten up every now and then, and maintain only a couple acquaintances. Once I moved I had learned that most of them continued being mean because after they insulted me, I would insult back. Around this point in my life I was getting into martial arts and learning emotional control. I found I was much better if I ignored them completely. Once high school started I was getting great grades and maintained many valued friends. What changed was my control. I learned to control my emotions and responses to insults. I became a pacifist. If I was insulted, I told them thats their opinion or ignored them completely. If I was bullied, I turned the other cheek. I refused to get angry or hurt anyone unless it was necessary. And I still maintain that belief today, a hard belief to hold on to in the military. That very belief has earned me many enemies for reasons I don't completely understand. I've been beaten to a bloody pulp by my entire squad (my old squad that is) and I refused to do anything but block what I could. They have tried daily and as hard as they can to try and break me and make me explode and become violent like them. And I refuse to drop to their level.

I hate hurting anything, even something as small as a bug I won't kill if given the option. I don't insult people and always try and pursue a friendly relationship with everyone I meet. Humorously enough though I'm not a vegetarian. That is one of the aspects that my wife loves about me.

The points I'm trying to make here is balance and my strong belief in pacifism. I don't want my wife to feel bad about herself because she can't be better then me at games. Inf act I have been trying to improve her confidence since we met and she has grown in leaps and bounds there. And I am by no means dependent on putting others down so I can feel good. I always feel good because I choose to feel that way. Despite all the pain and suffering I have been through just from my beliefs, I am still a happy, confident, and kind person. I take great pride in my pacifism and my ability to keep my wife happy and the the balance between us steady. I am proud of the fact I lead her through think and then and protect her from anything that can hurt her, including her and my family.

And on a side note just so I can make my myself clear. I am by no means attacking you or disrespecting your opinions. You have the right to believe what you want to believe despite my statements and claims. And I mean no disrespect in any part of this reply. If you were in someway offended or angered by what I have said I am sorry. I was not intending any sort of emotional harm. However, I have made my point and will stick by it.

It should also be mentioned that we have talked about this and agree that her being better is not an inconvenience. And that when I inevitably surpass her, it will not bother her or me in any way. She plays games for entertainment, not for reputation or power.

Also, I am sorry about the length of this message, I have a bad habit of being over descriptive at times. I was actually told we might have a patrol soon so I can't go into the detail I would have preferred. I have to get off so I can be ready to go if we actually are called, which I hope I am not. I've been walking all day and I would very much like a break. Goodnight, though given the time this message was finished it is probably morning for you.