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 Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 4:42 pm
Quote: It's been so hard being in the middle. To hear you say such vicious things to each other, when I know you really love each other so much. I know you always hurt the ones you love (I guess it wouldn't really have that effect on people that didn't love you) but it really does break my heart to witness it. And it's not even being said to me. I wish none of it had happened. We all do. But I had no control. And the two people who've been my support, my lifelines, are so busy tearing at each other and their families that you're blind to the fact that this is killing me. I don't want either of you to hurt. And it just brings up these feelings. I wish someone loved me enough to fight over. I wish someone felt that strongly about me. That they were desperate not to lose me (and my ex is not the same thing. He only wants what he can't have. It's not out of love with him.) I wish I didn't feel like a dog you play with during good times. And it's stupid of me to even think this. I'm only the girlfriend. In the big scheme of things, I'm not that important. I'm here for sex. To have fun with. Which is good. I love both of those. But I want more. I guess if I came with a lot of drama at this point, you wouldn't want me, and I couldn't blame you. It's only been several months. I only have one thing to really work on, and it's a work in progress. But you support me through it. You want it out of my life and for me to be happy. I hope there comes a day when you can't live without me. Because it really kills me when I think of what life would be like without you.
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 4:56 pm
Saew  If there was any doubt...my Munckin box and the paddle I mentioned earlier. "Shorty" has asked that I put all my BDSM toys in the storage unit I will be getting. So this will not be proof of a kinkygeek's car for much longer crying I LOVE PADDLES.
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2011 5:18 am
I had the box, but forgot to take the outfit out and snap the pic! gonk Oh well...it gives the other "Actually" vote time to work up the courage to PM me, if they want to see this particular nerd wearing *tries to remember* "Dark Priest Robes". A cassock is my plan for this year... partly just to watch Shorty have a seizure at me in that outfit. twisted Also think it would make a nice addition to my garb/costume box. 3nodding *edit* I did a search, it was actually the "Minister of Death" I have wink 
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2011 8:08 am
- I used to suck my thumb, did until I was 23 and got my tongue pierced. When I'm really anxious, I want to again for the comfort.
- Something happened when I was a kid, I don't know what and it drives me nuts, but the left over emotional bull leads me to believe I'm better off to leave it alone.
- This time next Saturday I'll be on my way to Pearson Airport in Toronto to see one of my loves.
- I'm slowly learning more about my personal kink side, and I'm learning I like it... >.>
- I have a crush, but I'm not saying who it is, I don't have the balls to end up hearing 'no, you're just a friend, I don't share' yet again.
- I'm on medication for chronic and severe depression and anxiety. The meds for the anxiety are new so I spend a lot of time sleeping.
- A new thing, when I'm anxious, even if it's for no reason at all, and there's no one around to talk to me, I scratch. When I'm really anxious, talking to someone or not, I scratch. sad Not something I like and am trying very hard to stop.
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 10:35 pm
I'm the first one to ever handcuff my younger brother.
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 10:38 pm
Kitty Konspirator I'm the first one to ever handcuff my younger brother.
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Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 6:52 am
I have an idea for a photo shoot sweatdrop I can't shoot it myself though. It wouldn't be a lot of images, but I don't think I'd want to do many takes either.
I've been taking a lot of self shot pictures, and then disassociating as I look at them. Almost all of them end up deleted, never to be seen. It's just an exercise, I guess. I see myself in the mirror, but I don't really recognize myself for a while sometimes. Not sure if this is moving forwards or backwards. sweatdrop "I know I just took a picture of myself...but this isn't me in the picture" "That's not me in the mirror...but who is it?" I know logically that I am seeing myself (no need to send for the white coats yet). But it feels alien to me, as if there is someone else mimicking me.
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Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:48 am
Saew I have an idea for a photo shoot sweatdrop I can't shoot it myself though. It wouldn't be a lot of images, but I don't think I'd want to do many takes either. I've been taking a lot of self shot pictures, and then disassociating as I look at them. Almost all of them end up deleted, never to be seen. It's just an exercise, I guess. I see myself in the mirror, but I don't really recognize myself for a while sometimes. Not sure if this is moving forwards or backwards. sweatdrop "I know I just took a picture of myself...but this isn't me in the picture" "That's not me in the mirror...but who is it?" I know logically that I am seeing myself (no need to send for the white coats yet). But it feels alien to me, as if there is someone else mimicking me.
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Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:28 pm
Saew I have an idea for a photo shoot sweatdrop I can't shoot it myself though. It wouldn't be a lot of images, but I don't think I'd want to do many takes either. I've been taking a lot of self shot pictures, and then disassociating as I look at them. Almost all of them end up deleted, never to be seen. It's just an exercise, I guess. I see myself in the mirror, but I don't really recognize myself for a while sometimes. Not sure if this is moving forwards or backwards. sweatdrop "I know I just took a picture of myself...but this isn't me in the picture" "That's not me in the mirror...but who is it?" I know logically that I am seeing myself (no need to send for the white coats yet). But it feels alien to me, as if there is someone else mimicking me. *hugs* Body dysphoria can be a real pain.
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Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 12:56 pm
I have over 100 MLP pictures in a folder on photobucket...and the number keeps growing sweatdrop even more so when I'm trying to convince myself I'm I'm tired.
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 4:01 am
I keep thinking about making an "about the members" thread, except I can't think of a catchy title. lol
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 4:42 am
Daemon Von Blaque I keep thinking about making an "about the members" thread, except I can't think of a catchy title. lol Just go for it! You can edit the title later whee
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:16 pm
I can finally say I've been all tied up.... ninja
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 11:04 pm
Esiris Saew I have an idea for a photo shoot sweatdrop I can't shoot it myself though. It wouldn't be a lot of images, but I don't think I'd want to do many takes either. I've been taking a lot of self shot pictures, and then disassociating as I look at them. Almost all of them end up deleted, never to be seen. It's just an exercise, I guess. I see myself in the mirror, but I don't really recognize myself for a while sometimes. Not sure if this is moving forwards or backwards. sweatdrop "I know I just took a picture of myself...but this isn't me in the picture" "That's not me in the mirror...but who is it?" I know logically that I am seeing myself (no need to send for the white coats yet). But it feels alien to me, as if there is someone else mimicking me. *hugs* Body dysphoria can be a real pain. Ditto
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2011 12:53 am
My confession for the day. I ******** hate being alone again. I remember why I hate it too. I can hear those nasty little voices, they are louder. *grumbles*
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