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Which thing are you laughing at? sweatdrop

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
her ankles

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.

Definition of "eternity": Four blondes at a four-way stop.

And here's a longer one I heard a couple of years ago:
A couple of blondes walk into a bar, sit down, order their drinks, and start chanting, "Fifty-one days! Fifty-one days! Yaaaaay!" Then their friends, also blondes, start coming in, one by one, and going through the same ritual: They sit down, order their drinks, and then the whole group starts chanting, "Fifty-one days! Fifty-one days! Yaaaaay!" This continues until seven of them are all sitting at the bar, shouting "Fifty-one days! Fifty-one days!" Finally, the bartender's curiosity gets the best of him, and he asks one of the blondes, "What's up with all this chanting about 'fifty-one days'?" The blonde pulls a Sesame Street jigsaw puzzle out of her tote bag, sets it on the bar for the bartender to see, and explains, "See this puzzle? Well, here on the box, it says '2 to 4 years,' but my friends and I finished it in fifty-one days!"

Oh, that one is genius. biggrin

neutral smile biggrin xd blaugh


A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?

"Oh, look, Daddy ... doughnut seeds."


Did you hear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

They went to see "Closed for the Winter."


What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see them.


Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.

They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"


Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey."

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in."

The second blonde said, "Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus' being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other."

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in, either."

The third blonde said, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it."

"Very good!" said St. Peter.

The blonde continued. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted!

Okay, lemme think...Here are some of the crazier ones I've heard:

One day a blonde was at home when she suddenly saw that part of her house was on fire! She called the fire department, and as soon as the operator answered, the blonde screamed, "Omigosh, my house is on fire! You gotta get here right away!" The operator asked, "How do we get to your house?" The blonde replied, "In the big red truck--DUH!"

Three blondes were enrolled in the police academy, training to be detectives. The detective in charge of training them decided one day to test their powers of observation, so he called them, one by one, into an interrogation room to look at a picture of a suspect and then answer questions about what the suspect looked like. When the first blond came into the room, she looked at the picture for a minute. Then the detective hid the picture and asked her to tell him something that she observed about the suspect. She thought for a minute and said, "He's only got one eye." The detective rolled his eyes and said, "No, this is a PROFILE. You can only see one side of the picture. Go out into the hallway and send in the next person." Blonde #2 comes in, looks at the picture, and, when asked what she had noticed about the suspect, answered, "He only has one ear!" After taking an aspirin, the detective explained to her that, no, this was a profile shot and the guy actually had two ears. He then sent her out and asked Blonde #3 to come in. She looked at the picture for a minute, and then the exasperated detective once more hid the picture and asked her what she noticed about the suspect. She thought for a minute and said, "He wears contact lenses." The detective, relieved that she had not given a silly answer like her two classmates had, went to look up the suspect's profile and was astonished to discover that yes, this criminal really did wear contact lenses! Barely able to contain his shock, the detective asked Blonde #3 how she was able to tell that the suspect wore contact lenses. She answered, "Well, I didn't at first. But then I realized that he couldn't possibly wear glasses because he only has one eye and one ear!"