Kinda need help.. (CLOSED)

[BabyCai]

swimmer13wimmerfore

I think you did the right thing! She isn't worth it if she cheated once before. Don't take the risk.

I haven't left her. I love her, and I will wait for her. The point of that exercise was to know she'd come clean IF we wound up together and she cheated on me.  

[BabyCai]

CheizLord

This girl was already cheating on her boyfriend with another guy, and then she got mad at you for making her do the right thing. People who act like that when they do something wrong have a tendency to keep cheating. I wouldn't try to get involved with her romantically. She might not even be who you think she is. Considering I just found out the girl I thought I was falling for long distance completely mind ******** me and told me she wasn't even who she said she was, I'd meet a girl in person to make sure you're not falling for who you think she is as opposed to who she really is. And make sure she's an honest person, especially if what you're going after is a real relationship because those two go together. Cause if she's cheating already who's to say she wouldn't do it to you if things changed?

Not to be the bearer of bad news or anything its just reality. I guess I sound a little cynical maybe because of what just happened to me but... either way It's not impossible and it' not like it hasn't happened before, where someone gets their hopes up, gets the girl and she tells them that with them it's different and that she would never cheat then she finds out she's doing the same thing to her that she was doing to her ex. If there was no remorse for actions and she only got defensive then i'd say it's not worth it because there's a chance you're going to get hurt. Plus she's taken, and I don't think you want to become the cheatee either if she refuses to leave him, or wait around for her because in most cases if she really loved you over him shed leave for you. Although given the time they've been together it might be harder for her that is true.

I've never been cheated on by the way, or cheated. but I've heard and seen it before. If you cheat once in your life you're most likely bound to cheat again at least once more in life. and for some people its an addiction. It's very risky to be honest to date someone with a past of cheating. Don't be like me and follow your heart, follow your gut and your intuition and be as non bias as you can about it. I know that's hard to do but sometime the facts outweigh the feeling. I hope to god that I take m own advice on that...

I just skimmed over this, for the main reason that it was 3 paragraphs long and I've already got such a huge headache. However, this 'once a cheater always a cheater' thing is bullshit. I've cheated once in my life.. Granted I was very, very stoned, very very horny and my girlfriend at the time knew.. And I told her immediately after. As for the rest, I don't know. I love her, I do. And I intend to bring her here at some point - boyfriend or not. And she's okay with this. I honestly think she would leave him for me if I asked her to. But I don't want to ask her, because if she regretted it later in life, I don't want her to blame me. *shrugs*  

[BabyCai]

breeze0910

BabyCai

breeze0910

I've had a girl like that. And from experience i'd say drop it before you fall anymore for her. Some people have certain things you can't explain that make you like them so much, but in the end its not worth it if they aren't willing to go the distance for you. And its no true love in my opinion if they cheat. They shouldn't need anyone else in the world but you, and thats the girl you should look for.
But I know it will be hard for which ever decision you choose.
Good luck smile

We're nearly a country apart, currently. I can't be the only person she needs. Yet. I understand that. And, we're not TECHNICALLY together, so it's not me she cheated on. I was upset for her first boyfriend. Not me.

Yeah I get that she was cheating on her current bf, which some what tells you she isn't a faithful person. I mean yes people can change but still if you actually got together she could end up cheating on you as well and it would tear you up like noo other.

She COULD also be the most loyal and best girlfriend in the world. I'd rather live on hope than doubt.  

[CheizLord]

BabyCai

I just skimmed over this, for the main reason that it was 3 paragraphs long and I've already got such a huge headache. However, this 'once a cheater always a cheater' thing is bullshit. I've cheated once in my life.. Granted I was very, very stoned, very very horny and my girlfriend at the time knew.. And I told her immediately after. As for the rest, I don't know. I love her, I do. And I intend to bring her here at some point - boyfriend or not. And she's okay with this. I honestly think she would leave him for me if I asked her to. But I don't want to ask her, because if she regretted it later in life, I don't want her to blame me. *shrugs*

I may have typed a lot, but if you're gunna ask people for help you really should be prepared to read what they write. I don't just give out three sentences I actually try to really help you so you have as much input as possible which is what I thought the whole point of this was. If you're not willing to properly read the advice then don't ask for it because then it becomes pointless for anyone to try and help you. But since you don't like reading I'll even break it down for you with as little words as possible and clear up the cheating thing so it's easier for you to read. how bout that? This is the simplest I can make it but if you read through it all you might just find something that helps you: (sorry four is kind of long)

in laments terms:
(1)Follow your gut and not your heart to determine if you really love her or who you think she is because that could get you really hurt or disappointed if you find out she isn't who you thought. (I speak from experience).

(2)When people are in love they get very defensive of their love interest and look at them through rose tinted glasses and can sometimes be blind to things that other people from an outside party can see that they can't soo...

(3) Try to step back and make sure you're not letting your heart rule your logic and that what you're feeling, seeing and thinking is real before you jump into this. Because a lot of people get strong headed when it comes to love and I'm one of them.

(4) Try to worry about the present and stop focusing on the boyfriend as much and focus on what you and her want and what can come of it because it takes off the pressure of all of the other factors and gives you two times to really picture this to see if this is what you want. just for a bit so you can see if you really do have a future together without heaping on the worries of what's going to happen with the boyfriend or anything else. just don't forget about him either because he is still a factor just try no to worry as much about it. If she follows her heart and makes a mistake she shouldn't be blaming you for her own decisions, and then it clearly wasn't meant to be with you two if she regrets it in the future and if she does regret it that's her problem. She should have thought it through before making the decision anyway. yo shouldn't feel burdened with her decisions.

As for the cheating:
I was speaking for the general majority.I know there are cases where people make a mistake by cheating and never do it again, but its the exception, not the rule. From what you tell me it sound's like you were the exception so please take no offense to my comments because they clearly didn't apply to you. I'm trying to give you advice like you asked, not insult you. In my 19 years of living iIve never met a cheater that's cheated just once, but I obviously haven't met the rest of the world including you so its not like what I'm saying is solid evidence, just life experience. I apologize if I made it sound like it was.  

[BabyCai]

CheizLord

BabyCai

I just skimmed over this, for the main reason that it was 3 paragraphs long and I've already got such a huge headache. However, this 'once a cheater always a cheater' thing is bullshit. I've cheated once in my life.. Granted I was very, very stoned, very very horny and my girlfriend at the time knew.. And I told her immediately after. As for the rest, I don't know. I love her, I do. And I intend to bring her here at some point - boyfriend or not. And she's okay with this. I honestly think she would leave him for me if I asked her to. But I don't want to ask her, because if she regretted it later in life, I don't want her to blame me. *shrugs*

I may have typed a lot, but if you're gunna ask people for help you really should be prepared to read what they write. I don't just give out three sentences I actually try to really help you so you have as much input as possible which is what I thought the whole point of this was. If you're not willing to properly read the advice then don't ask for it because then it becomes pointless for anyone to try and help you. But since you don't like reading I'll even break it down for you with as little words as possible and clear up the cheating thing so it's easier for you to read. how bout that? This is the simplest I can make it but if you read through it all you might just find something that helps you: (sorry four is kind of long)

in laments terms:
(1)Follow your gut and not your heart to determine if you really love her or who you think she is because that could get you really hurt or disappointed if you find out she isn't who you thought. (I speak from experience).

(2)When people are in love they get very defensive of their love interest and look at them through rose tinted glasses and can sometimes be blind to things that other people from an outside party can see that they can't soo...

(3) Try to step back and make sure you're not letting your heart rule your logic and that what you're feeling, seeing and thinking is real before you jump into this. Because a lot of people get strong headed when it comes to love and I'm one of them.

(4) Try to worry about the present and stop focusing on the boyfriend as much and focus on what you and her want and what can come of it because it takes off the pressure of all of the other factors and gives you two times to really picture this to see if this is what you want. just for a bit so you can see if you really do have a future together without heaping on the worries of what's going to happen with the boyfriend or anything else. just don't forget about him either because he is still a factor just try no to worry as much about it. If she follows her heart and makes a mistake she shouldn't be blaming you for her own decisions, and then it clearly wasn't meant to be with you two if she regrets it in the future and if she does regret it that's her problem. She should have thought it through before making the decision anyway. yo shouldn't feel burdened with her decisions.

As for the cheating:
I was speaking for the general majority.I know there are cases where people make a mistake by cheating and never do it again, but its the exception, not the rule. From what you tell me it sound's like you were the exception so please take no offense to my comments because they clearly didn't apply to you. I'm trying to give you advice like you asked, not insult you. In my 19 years of living iIve never met a cheater that's cheated just once, but I obviously haven't met the rest of the world including you so its not like what I'm saying is solid evidence, just life experience. I apologize if I made it sound like it was.

1) I do, I've thought about it with both my brain and my heart, and I do love her.
2) I am defending to an extent, because people seem to be misunderstanding.
3) See 1)
4. I'd worry less about the boy, except he's a huge part of everything, so it's impossible not to worry about it.

As for the cheating, I understand what you were saying, and I'm just saying it's a load of crap. <_<;  

[CheizLord]

BabyCai

CheizLord

BabyCai

I just skimmed over this, for the main reason that it was 3 paragraphs long and I've already got such a huge headache. However, this 'once a cheater always a cheater' thing is bullshit. I've cheated once in my life.. Granted I was very, very stoned, very very horny and my girlfriend at the time knew.. And I told her immediately after. As for the rest, I don't know. I love her, I do. And I intend to bring her here at some point - boyfriend or not. And she's okay with this. I honestly think she would leave him for me if I asked her to. But I don't want to ask her, because if she regretted it later in life, I don't want her to blame me. *shrugs*

I may have typed a lot, but if you're gunna ask people for help you really should be prepared to read what they write. I don't just give out three sentences I actually try to really help you so you have as much input as possible which is what I thought the whole point of this was. If you're not willing to properly read the advice then don't ask for it because then it becomes pointless for anyone to try and help you. But since you don't like reading I'll even break it down for you with as little words as possible and clear up the cheating thing so it's easier for you to read. how bout that? This is the simplest I can make it but if you read through it all you might just find something that helps you: (sorry four is kind of long)

in laments terms:
(1)Follow your gut and not your heart to determine if you really love her or who you think she is because that could get you really hurt or disappointed if you find out she isn't who you thought. (I speak from experience).

(2)When people are in love they get very defensive of their love interest and look at them through rose tinted glasses and can sometimes be blind to things that other people from an outside party can see that they can't soo...

(3) Try to step back and make sure you're not letting your heart rule your logic and that what you're feeling, seeing and thinking is real before you jump into this. Because a lot of people get strong headed when it comes to love and I'm one of them.

(4) Try to worry about the present and stop focusing on the boyfriend as much and focus on what you and her want and what can come of it because it takes off the pressure of all of the other factors and gives you two times to really picture this to see if this is what you want. just for a bit so you can see if you really do have a future together without heaping on the worries of what's going to happen with the boyfriend or anything else. just don't forget about him either because he is still a factor just try no to worry as much about it. If she follows her heart and makes a mistake she shouldn't be blaming you for her own decisions, and then it clearly wasn't meant to be with you two if she regrets it in the future and if she does regret it that's her problem. She should have thought it through before making the decision anyway. yo shouldn't feel burdened with her decisions.

As for the cheating:
I was speaking for the general majority.I know there are cases where people make a mistake by cheating and never do it again, but its the exception, not the rule. From what you tell me it sound's like you were the exception so please take no offense to my comments because they clearly didn't apply to you. I'm trying to give you advice like you asked, not insult you. In my 19 years of living iIve never met a cheater that's cheated just once, but I obviously haven't met the rest of the world including you so its not like what I'm saying is solid evidence, just life experience. I apologize if I made it sound like it was.

1) I do, I've thought about it with both my brain and my heart, and I do love her.
2) I am defending to an extent, because people seem to be misunderstanding.
3) See 1)
4. I'd worry less about the boy, except he's a huge part of everything, so it's impossible not to worry about it.

As for the cheating, I understand what you were saying, and I'm just saying it's a load of crap. <_<;

Good luck with your endeavors, I just hope to god you don't have to learn the hard way that people aren't always who they appear to be when it comes to long distance. I will say this and then only this: Even I've been in your situation and after six months of being in a like-ship I found out that the girl I could have fallen for completely lied about who she was the entire time and confessed. l nearly fell for a lie of a person.And have you ever posted a long distance thread? Like asking other people about their experiences? Because once you ask around you find the stories you get are about 50/50. some say it worked out wonderfully and they got married or are still dating and others said when they finally met in person they were nothing like who they thought they were. Some even said they got cheated on once, even multiple times. I wasn't the only one on here who mentioned the cheating either so clearly its not just me.You'd be ignorant to think that any of this can't happen to you or that you're immune to it, because you're not. I'm just saying be careful. I'm not saying that you'll be the bad end of that 50% and that it will happen to you but just don't be so blind to the fact that it could happen to you. Idealism is a dangerous thing so just try to be realistic. That's all I'm going to say about it.  

[Afterimage]

she isn't ready for a real relationship. sorry.  

[LickYouToDeath]

Afterimage

she isn't ready for a real relationship. sorry.

yea if she doesn't want to be with u and only cheats that means she playing with ur feelings and thinks it's a ******** joke i been there( it's not fun) i#m trying this thing with my ex gf and her bf but now on fb her fb sister telling me i should let her go( Oh if any of u have a facebook account added me)

this is my account

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/chiisai.chan1315

Oh tell me if ur in a group( i kinda get to much drama or i'm out of it)