Soapbox

[Esiris]

Blackrose_Knight

*kicks soapbox* OMFG DON'T EVER PLAN A WEDDING... QAHQYQYQP*OIQEhyr;oiuwehtolugrewpihferiohfgb


*sighs*

It could be worse.  

[Pom Graines]

I am an autonomous human being. I have my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own perceptions and my actions aren my own. Just because I do not conform to your ideal as a family member and just because I do not take being emotionally manipulated and abused "because you are family" doesn't mean I think the lot of you are 'evil'. It doesn't mean I'm a horrible person and it doesn't mean I'm being mean to you. I refuse to deal with people who are emotionally abusive, period. You are my sister, you are my mother, you are my step father and my brother. I want to have a good relationship with you. But it doesn't seem as though you even understand what you do. If I say I have plans for the weekend already, but need to double check what days I'm doing what, that doesn't mean I'm lying to you. Just because I say "um" doesn't mean I'm lying to you. Just because I cannot attend a planned-at-the-last-possible-minute event that you make doesn't mean I'm a horrible person. Give me time to schedule things with you and if I say I already have plans, then I'm sorry but I already have plans, let's plan for another week, okay? It shouldn't be the big drama that it turns into. Respect me and my time and I will respect you and yours.

This isn't because Graverg is controlling and manipulating me to make me think you're evil. You're not evil, but we're simply not compatible as people. Our views and values are so different, which wouldn't be a problem if you didn't invalidate my feelings and blame all of my decisions since high school on Graverg's "corrupted influence". I am an autonomous adult, I take into consideration the feelings and viewpoints of others but in the end my decisions are my own to make.

Please do not define me only as the role I play in your life. Please define me as an individual. I am not an extension of you, I am not on this Earth solely to be your sister or your daughter. I am me. You do not accept this fact and that.... that is why I cannot be around you. I wish I could love you, I wish we could all get along and be merry and jolly like the Hallmark family you think we should be. But it doesn't work that way. Blood isn't thicker than water and it does not excuse any of the emotional turmoil I have been through trying to cope with these unhealthy situations.

I have talked to professionals about this, I have done everything I can on my end to try to get through and change things. But I will not be emotionally bullied and beat up because it's easier for you. I'm not taking your s**t anymore because I no longer have to and I've learned how to stand up for myself.

So start treating me with respect and start looking at me as a person. Then we'll talk.  

[Esiris]

Mameoyashi

I am an autonomous human being. I have my own thoughts, my own feelings, my own perceptions and my actions aren my own. Just because I do not conform to your ideal as a family member and just because I do not take being emotionally manipulated and abused "because you are family" doesn't mean I think the lot of you are 'evil'. It doesn't mean I'm a horrible person and it doesn't mean I'm being mean to you. I refuse to deal with people who are emotionally abusive, period. You are my sister, you are my mother, you are my step father and my brother. I want to have a good relationship with you. But it doesn't seem as though you even understand what you do. If I say I have plans for the weekend already, but need to double check what days I'm doing what, that doesn't mean I'm lying to you. Just because I say "um" doesn't mean I'm lying to you. Just because I cannot attend a planned-at-the-last-possible-minute event that you make doesn't mean I'm a horrible person. Give me time to schedule things with you and if I say I already have plans, then I'm sorry but I already have plans, let's plan for another week, okay? It shouldn't be the big drama that it turns into. Respect me and my time and I will respect you and yours.

This isn't because Graverg is controlling and manipulating me to make me think you're evil. You're not evil, but we're simply not compatible as people. Our views and values are so different, which wouldn't be a problem if you didn't invalidate my feelings and blame all of my decisions since high school on Graverg's "corrupted influence". I am an autonomous adult, I take into consideration the feelings and viewpoints of others but in the end my decisions are my own to make.

Please do not define me only as the role I play in your life. Please define me as an individual. I am not an extension of you, I am not on this Earth solely to be your sister or your daughter. I am me. You do not accept this fact and that.... that is why I cannot be around you. I wish I could love you, I wish we could all get along and be merry and jolly like the Hallmark family you think we should be. But it doesn't work that way. Blood isn't thicker than water and it does not excuse any of the emotional turmoil I have been through trying to cope with these unhealthy situations.

I have talked to professionals about this, I have done everything I can on my end to try to get through and change things. But I will not be emotionally bullied and beat up because it's easier for you. I'm not taking your s**t anymore because I no longer have to and I've learned how to stand up for myself.

So start treating me with respect and start looking at me as a person. Then we'll talk.

*hugs* heart  

[Digital Fiend]

Mameoyashi

So start treating me with respect and start looking at me as a person. Then we'll talk.

How come almost everyone here speaks my thoughts before I can?  

[Pom Graines]

Kitty Konspirator

How come almost everyone here speaks my thoughts before I can?

Sorry for beating you to the punch sad Sorry you also have similar issues with others not seeing you as a person. *hugs*

Esiris

*hugs* heart

Thank you Riri <3 Hugs are always appreciated.  

[Esiris]

Mameoyashi

Esiris

*hugs* heart

Thank you Riri <3 Hugs are always appreciated.

Always happy to offer hugs.  

[White Trash Zombie]

We did an experiment, and apparently if this wasn't a polyamorous relationship and James were actually cheating on Kitty, people attack him, saying to leave the b*****d. But as soon as people find out it's all consentual? Then it's my fault. Then I'm a slut and a homewrecker. I don't understand how it makes any sense.  

[Gho the Girl]

Diabolical Eevee

We did an experiment, and apparently if this wasn't a polyamorous relationship and James were actually cheating on Kitty, people attack him, saying to leave the b*****d. But as soon as people find out it's all consentual? Then it's my fault. Then I'm a slut and a homewrecker. I don't understand how it makes any sense.

Because your lifestyle doesn't fall under their purview of what is acceptable. Socially, if there is a one-on-one couple, that is a special bond that shouldn't be threatened, and honestly, some might see polyamoury as threatening to that union.  

[Pom Graines]

So my advice on relationships is suddenly invalid just because I'm poly? What the ********? I don't think so. Just because I don't think dinner and a movie is inherently cheating and because you cannot fathom a monogamous person feeling the same way (despite me doing it with my monogamous friends a lot) doesn't mean that my advice is inherently worthless. Seriously, ******** off.  

[Esiris]

Mameoyashi

So my advice on relationships is suddenly invalid just because I'm poly? What the ********? I don't think so. Just because I don't think dinner and a movie is inherently cheating and because you cannot fathom a monogamous person feeling the same way (despite me doing it with my monogamous friends a lot) doesn't mean that my advice is inherently worthless. Seriously, ******** off.

I am so sorry Mame!
I can't believe someone would say that- I think this is one of those "unhealthy possessiveness" cases when doing something casual and fun = an affair.  

[Pom Graines]

Esiris

I am so sorry Mame!
I can't believe someone would say that- I think this is one of those "unhealthy possessiveness" cases when doing something casual and fun = an affair.

What bothers me is the person is new in the LI and was complaining in another thread about people invalidating a different OP's male friend because he claimed to be raped. As someone who has dealt with women trying to rape him in the past he was up in arms about how these people were invalidating the other guy for being prejudice and questioning the basis of the rape. Yet he turns around with his own prejudice and calls my advice invalid because I'm poly and the OP is mono. I base my opinions on more than my own feelings, I've done a lot of reading and research into healthy relationships of all configurations, I have done first hand work with therapists in building healthy personal boundaries and knowing that there are people out there with multiple perspectives. If you're advocating people look beyond their prejudices and see there can be multiple perspectives, how can you turn around and jump on someone else for saying the same thing in a slightly different context? And tries to say it's not invalidating to say my advice doesn't count because of my personal relationships. How is that not invalidating!? And he pulled me into a debate about it which is derailing the OP's topic and that makes me feel personally awful because I try to avoid those and always remain on topic for the sake of the life issue being dealt with. Grr. I have had a shitty week and this is just infuriating.  

[Pom Graines]

I am especially frustrated because while i was wasting my time with this guy the OP was adding new information but I was too distracted to comment on it because I was too busy defending myself. Now I just feel like a git if I post a new response to the OP because it was like the debate was more important than giving advice. Which, I guess it was as that's where I spent my time instead of ignoring it and helping the OP. Gods dammit. This is why I try not to defend myself like this in the LI >.< Balls.

On a funny note: my dog just startled herself with her own fart o.O  

[Esiris]

Mameoyashi

What bothers me is the person is new in the LI and was complaining in another thread about people invalidating a different OP's male friend because he claimed to be raped. As someone who has dealt with women trying to rape him in the past he was up in arms about how these people were invalidating the other guy for being prejudice and questioning the basis of the rape. Yet he turns around with his own prejudice and calls my advice invalid because I'm poly and the OP is mono. I base my opinions on more than my own feelings, I've done a lot of reading and research into healthy relationships of all configurations, I have done first hand work with therapists in building healthy personal boundaries and knowing that there are people out there with multiple perspectives. If you're advocating people look beyond their prejudices and see there can be multiple perspectives, how can you turn around and jump on someone else for saying the same thing in a slightly different context? And tries to say it's not invalidating to say my advice doesn't count because of my personal relationships. How is that not invalidating!? And he pulled me into a debate about it which is derailing the OP's topic and that makes me feel personally awful because I try to avoid those and always remain on topic for the sake of the life issue being dealt with. Grr. I have had a shitty week and this is just infuriating.

*Hugs* I've been in that position before and it's no fun.
Hypocrisy sucks.  

[Pom Graines]

Esiris

*Hugs* I've been in that position before and it's no fun.
Hypocrisy sucks.

Thanks for listening Riri. You are an awesome individual and I'm glad you were around to give me feedback on this. I was searching my MSN list and found no one online at this hour.

*hugs* You make me smile and that is so appreciated smile  

[Esiris]

Mameoyashi

Thanks for listening Riri. You are an awesome individual and I'm glad you were around to give me feedback on this. I was searching my MSN list and found no one online at this hour.

*hugs* You make me smile and that is so appreciated smile

Awww. I think you're pretty awesome too Mame. heart