Coming out. (Share your stories?)

[shall she sail seas]

Family
My brother used to receive hints of it. I can't tell if he doesn't mind/care or if he's oblivious. It doesn't bother me either way. The rest of my family know nothing of the matter and I prefer to keep it that way.

Friends
I've mentioned to a few friends that I'm open to polyamory and open relationships... on my partner's side. I didn't not tell them that I was actually in an open relationship on my side. They didn't expect it but they weren't surprised since the rest of my life is pretty "abnormal" according to them. I may come out to them pretty soon. They really like my crazy stories anyway. eek

I have a feeling that a mutual friend of my lover's knows but doesn't mind. Actually, I have suspicions that she used to be his FWB. That's fine with me, but I'm pondering about threesome potential.

In General
Unless they're involved in the relationship, they don't know. The exception is in online communities like this where I can choose to remain somewhat anonymous.  

[Silkenswift]

My entire mother's side of the family knows, and they're actually comfortable with it. I was so afraid of telling my mom at first, but she didn't even flinch! I guess I don't really appreciate how lucky I am to not have to hide it.. My dad's side of the family is a whole other ball game... They have no idea, mainly because they are quite conventional and I don't talk to my dad that much (my parents are divorced).

My husband's family knows, aside from his father (who is also conventional), and actually want to meet our fiance when we can make it down to California.

Our fiance, though, hasn't told his parents at all. Even though he's been with us for 2 years, he's still afraid of letting them know, which has made things tricky sometimes!!!

In general, though, we keep it a secret. Although people born in Canada without much of a religious influence are fine with it, we live in Vancouver where there is a lot of immigration from places where anything like that is very much unapproved, so to avoid being lynched, we're quiet for the most part. 3nodding  

[SinfulGuillotine]

I haven't been in the homo closet to anyone for years. It's been a while since I've had any problems with anyone about it.

Most of my friends know that my partner and I are open/poly. I don't really make it a point to tell people and advertise it, but I don't make any effort to hide it, either.

My family doesn't know about the open/poly thing, and I don't plan to ever tell them. They wouldn't be okay with it and it would just make everyone's lives a lot more difficult if they knew.  

[o0-foxpuppet-0o]

Okay so,

Parents

I haven't technically come out to my parents about being poly. They know I'm bi and they know pretty much my entire stance on nearly everything. (i can't keep a good rant down, even if i try really hard, and i have. sweatdrop ) But even if I came out to them they would probably be pretty fine with it. They're all into the whole 'informed consent' type of deal. They also know that I'm very mature and wouldn't get myself into something I couldn't handle deliberately.

Friends

... (¬.¬)* Yeah. I've come out to my friends.

It started as me cracking onto a couple we have in the group as a goof, saying we should triad together. Explanations followed as to what the hell that meant, people were cool, the jokes continued and life moved on. The situation deepened and the couple kept teasing me with something a really wanted at the time, a relationship with them. It was more than just casual fun; they seemed to be considering it, which really ******** me around. One big hang up I had is the chick is straight. Like straight straight. Not even curious straight. I would rather be in a triad or more than a vee or more. (my motto is shapes beat lines) So I kept throwing that up as a barrier, as a way to try and get them to stop messing with me. It was cruel and I did not appreciate. Eventually one of our other friends turns around and asks the guy if he could really (her exact words) "Turn around and do her with your girlfriend watching?"

...

I started to get pissy at this point. I said that it wasn't even about sex, it was about love. I realise now I should have pointed out there didn't even have to be threesome sex but I doubt anyone would have understood that anyway. So they proceed to ask me questions like "But what if the other partner is better at sex than you?" (who cares? what if they're better at gardening than you, why does it matter?! besides if you're doing it wrong your partner/s should be helping you do it right!) and "Wouldn't it get confusing?" (i don't even really understand that question. what would be confusing? do you often confuse your various loved ones? you certainly confuse me.) They'd been asking questions like this on and off since I first came out to them but this was a barrage of all the stupid questions they could ever think of asking. They didn't even give me a chance to answer half of them before they just started bad mouthing poly, saying how "Relationships like that never work out." and stuff like that, just completely dismissing it in a totally condescending, conceded way. I kept pointing out how a lot of monogamous relationships fail, saying that just because serial monogamy is the most popular form of relationship doesn't mean it’s the only form. Finally the dumbass guy who started it all noticed me getting 'silent-pissy' which is the way to tell if I'm seriously mad (i was) and asked if I wanted the conversation changed. I said yes in a very 'f@$k you all' kind of voice and we haven't really discussed it since.

So yeah, they aren't all that accepting but they can accept my sexuality so it's not like they're completely close minded. I think that poly is just a bit too out there for them, and I'm sure they didn't mean to make me feel like s#!t.

Sibling

My sister is my light in the dark; she understands and shares pretty much every quirk and kink I have. We're like twins but I got delayed by a few years. I immediately went to her when I found out what polyamoury is and told her that is a kind of relationship I can see myself in. (i also like monogamy, further proving that i'm far too unfussy for my own good. but really i think poly is more my style. (too much is never enough.)) She immediately agreed with me and she too wants a polyamorous relationship. (but her current boyfriend is the king of super vanilla mainstream average though. he would never go for it.) So yeah, my sister knows supports and shares my poly views.

She is too awesome.

Other

I don't work so I don't really have to worry about co-workers or anything. My fellow students, well either I don't know them well enough to talk about stuff like that or they know me well enough to know whether or not they want to ask, lawl. Yeah after the whole, bi-furry-yaoi-yuri-freak came out they're pretty much not shocked by anything about me, lawl.

*looks over post* Err, tl;dr much? Lawl.  

[Quokka Flocka Flame]

Just told my mom today, it went really well. I'd brought up the idea of polyamory in general for a few months, then she kinda guessed anyway. But yeah, it went really well. ^_^

Any tips on how to bring it up to friends that wanna go on a date with you? Like, obviously not close enough to know about the relationship, but that you knew from high school and want to go on a date or whatever now. -blush-

 

[Digital Fiend]

Family:

My mother knows and she's always been "I just want you to be happy" and still is. She just warned us that we have to really work on staying true and open with out we feel. Sound advice Mother Dearest.

My dad doesn't know, but its moreso I don't know how to tell him. He's pretty open-minded and I don't see him caring either way, but its not hurting our relationship by not telling him.

My younger brother knows and doesn't very much approve, but I think its more because of who my husband and who our girlfriend is. {He's liked her for a long time.}

My uncle knows, and he doesn't approve because all of the people he knows that have done it has had their relationships destroyed. A different rant for a different day.

My husband's family all know, well, the ones that are around. I think they're iffy about it or don't take it seriously, but they're the ones that are "If its not hurting anyone, what's the big deal?"

My girlfriend's family is a bit more conservative, and we're fine with them not knowing.

Friend's:

All but four of our close friends know. 2 because of their religious values, which is fine, I love them and they're pretty open-minded in the first place, but I don't want to overdo it. The other two is more a lack of communication and not sure how to go about it. One of them has a huge crush on Eevee, and the other is kind of...judgemental.  

[Adrayis]

I told my sister and my step-sister years ago, and they were both really cool with it, after a few minutes of 'Huh?' and having to explain it, and how it wasn't cheating. I felt a lot better about having them know, because my mom is a super-ultra-conservative. She follows my grandmother's footsteps, who's line to me when I was growing up was "you can be friends with the little black boys, but you can't date them!". Mom's not quite that closed minded, but, my family's from a very small town who's not really accepting of anything different.

Anyway, it's come up with my sister a couple times over the years, and she's made a casual joke here and there (we don't talk much) but a few months ago, I don't know what was going on, if she caught her fiancee cheating or something, because out of nowhere, she attacked me about it, and we spent about 48 hours fighting about it. I guess she forgot about when she was ok with it, or she lied about being ok with it, I'm not sure. I tried, unsuccessfully, to show her the benefits, and that it's really not hurting my kids, but she chose to focus on the sex, and to go so far as to say that I was having sex with a parade of men in front of my 8 and 10 year old and further attacks along those lines... Apparently, my girls should be locked in a room, Rapunzel-style and no man should be near them, including their father. I gave up when I finally realized that it didn't matter what I said, it didn't matter what I showed her, told her, gave her to educate herself, none of it mattered, she was going to believe the absolute worst and there was nothing I could do but cut ties.

So I did. Even though my mom, my sister and me all live in the same city, we see each other on holidays and that's it. I've always been the black sheep in my family, never dressing right, saying the right things, doing the right things, interested in the right things, so we don't see each other or talk much. My daughters haven't even noticed a difference, that ties have been cut with my sister, which is a sad statement on it's own. sad

During that fight with my sister, I did put up on my fb status that I live a polyamorous lifestyle, since she made a big deal about keeping it secret. No one's asked me about it, I'm pretty sure a lot of people in my family saw it, but no one's said anything, which I'm glad for. I'm pretty sure they're all just sweeping it under the rug. My family's good at that.

My partners family all knows. They met me when I was still married to my ex-husband, so it was easier just to explain when they met me, and they've all been cool about it, thankfully. Though, he doesn't get on with them well, so we talk to them maybe once every couple years. I'm not sure if my other partner's family knows. He's so far away from me, and I haven't met his family, and I can't remember right now if I've asked before.

My friends all know. I find it easier to talk to friends than family, and the friends that I still talk to as an adult, I had when I was in high school. They saw my dating habits then, and they're all ok with it. Generally, new friends that I meet, we let them know upfront, because I do talk about my partners in conversation, both of them, and we found letting people know upfront is better, for us anyway.  

[White Trash Zombie]

Basically no one knows but my friends and Kitty and James' parents.

I was terrified about coming out to one of my best friends. I honestly thought she'd reject Kitty and I and wouldn't want to be friends anymore. But miraculously...she didn't. People can surprise you sometimes. I mean, I don't think she was loving it, but she accepts it, and that's all I wanted. We only really have 3 friends who don't know. Two are very religious Christians (who are not hypocritical or judgemental) but Kitty and I agree that this would probably be a little out there, even for them. One...is a little weird about relationship stuff. She thinks things should be a certain way, and I don't think this fits into her box of what her friend's relationships should be like.

I think in a perfect world, you could tell anyone in your life and have them accept you, but really, this is more than I expected and people have been more open minded than I gave them credit for.  

[Blackrose_Knight]

Family:
Don't know

Therapist: It went down nicely. I had to describe my support system, and I described my fiance and my partner and their techniques on supporting me. She loved it.

FriendsA few know, mainly the ones who are very sex positive. They are good with it.  

[Digital Fiend]

*Update*

My daddy knows. He just muttered, "A new age..."

That and something about its his ex-wives' fault that me and my brother are weird. rofl

(My brother is gay and a furry, and who knows what else. His SO told me that they made Trekkie porn one time.)  

[violentraine]

No one in my family knows, and my friends mostly know and don't mind - they find it interesting.

Of course, some of them think it's "unfair and dangerous". I don't know how else to explain it. So I just stopped confiding in her.  

[Contralto in a Corset]

Family:
Not a soul. I want to tell my parents, but I want to tell them in person, and at the same time. So, I have to wait until either (a) they both come up to my area at the same time(which, sadly, is rare), or (b) I have to go down to them and tell them. They may be coming up soon, and I can tell them then, but it's still up in the air, as my Dad was just fired by his own board of directors(that he established...seriously ******** up).

I'm not too worried about my sisters, as they'll both likely have issues(they both watch Fox news, and one seriously believes there is a gay agenda for tearing apart the family structure), but I can't get myself to give a damn.

My Wife's family may never know. My Wife wants to tell her little sister, as they're really close, but she's worried something may slip and her parents may find out. This worries her, as her little sister is still a teenager, and her parents may actually block off contact between the two. Plus, her parents were dead set against us marrying in the first place, so telling them wouldn't actually win me any points.

Friends
I came out to a select group of friends some time ago, and got varied results. Mostly it was an "Oh, uh, okay, that's weird, couldn't do that myself, but more power to ya." One friend decided it meant we were swingers, and his wife started hitting on me. That was awkward.

Therapist
My New-Age Tattoed Wiccan Therapist was okay with it, and knows probably more than I do. I wasn't really surprised at that, she's pretty liberal, and fairly knowledgeable.  

[twintailfox]

lets see here
Family
They Don't know and I know better than to tell them

Friends
a total of 7 know they are the ones that I will be living with soon

Others
A bunch of people I used to work with knew always got hassled by people outside of my squad.
not doing that again

therapist
don't have one probably need one  

[Miss Malarkie]

Family
This is..sort of tricky. I imagine this is something I've told my father, that my father has personally witnessed (I had two boyfriends at one point and was very public about it), but if I bring it up right now and say "Dad, I have an open relationship." He will act like this is the first time he's ever heard the news.
That being said, every time my father re-realizes the choices I make, he isn't angered by it. In fact, he acts indifferent. I'm still his daughter, and he loves me. He just wants to make sure I don't get hurt.
My mother has the same concern, but blows it entirely out of proportion. I told her my partner and I have an open relationship. Her exact words were "You and these open relationships- they scare me."
I don't know why. I don't know if she thinks I'm being forced into it, or if it's more a swinging thing and she thinks I'm boinking everyone in my area code (though, at the same time she will swear up and down that I'm a virgin), or that I'm going to meet the wrong person in the wrong crowd and wind up in a ditch somewhere. She isn't angered, she doesn't think the choices I've made are wrong, but she is incredibly paranoid about it. At least she's accepting.
Now, his parents? His father is *so* incredibly laid back, I can't imagine he would care if he found out. I don't know enough of his stepdad to make an assumption of his reaction.
His mother does not currently know I exist (for very specific reasons which I am okay with), but I think if/when she finds out she will be thrilled that I am okay with my partner being romantically involve with someone else because she will see me as beneath him and not worth his time. This is just how she views everyone, no one is 'good enough' for her. So, she'll either be painfully grateful of my choice, or think I'm a freak (which wouldn't be out of the ordinary.)
My siblings know. Or, at least one does, and he has been entirely accepting of my choice as long as I am doing what is best for me. Which I think I am.
I think it helps that I am not going out trying to date new people, my partner operate on a "whatever happens, happens." philosophy so we're not forcing this at all. We are happily together, and if something (or someone) comes up then we're open to it. And they understand that. Which is a whole lot more than I can say for...


Friends
Who tell me how bad I'm hurting the person I'm with by seeing someone else, that it secretly kills them inside and how you can only love one person.
SOME friends are accepting. Sort of. I had one open relationship that failed, miserably. Now that I have a wonderful guy and we're doing great, a friend specifically told me that if I tried that again and ******** up my relationship, she'd kill me.
(The threat was made in a sort of joke- at least the killing part.)
They don't understand it. Some try, some don't. I allow them to have their opinion and correct their misconceptions when I can. For the most part, the lecturing I get of how horrible a person I am doesn't happen often. But it does happen, unfortunately.
The few 'friends' who don't feel the need to tell me I am going to Hell and breaking someone's heart, don't really care. I know it makes them feel awkward, but I don't ever hide who I am. I am utterly, and sometimes painfully myself. Which makes for interesting situations for...

General Public

Like I said- I don't hide who I am. I remember going to a Walmart with my (now ex) fiance' and boyfriend. We went to a Subway and while one ordered, I kissed and hugged the other one, and vice versa. (I am a highly physical person.)
We got a lot of stares and double takes. But that's normal for anything that is *so* different. No one was rude, no one said anything offensive (and I've already heard most of it, so it wouldn't have mattered), they just looked. And we let them- after all, if we became self conscious it was like we had something to hide.
And love is never anything to hide.

Therapy

I am not currently in Therapy, but I was. I did *not* tell my therapist. I hinted at my therapist that I tried the open relationship thing and she told me those types of things just don't work.

Of course, at the point where she told me she heard the voice of God- audibly in her ear, telling her to start her own practice, I stopped going and subsequently stopped taking her seriously.  

[Whiskey Sunshine]

Edit: Whoooops. Technically, only my ex boyfriend at this point knows about my ideas and tendency towards poly, but here's some entertainment semi-related, instead:

Family: Well, just my mom knows. That went rather like this:
Scene: drive home from high school graduation, stuffed with taco bell and high hopes. Alone in the dark of the cabin of the crotchety old 89 Chevrolet VAN, listening to the night air. By this point we have discussed everything from bad politics to cat macros, and we're feeling rather giddy, giggling with abandon.

Me: So, I figure there's something I've got to tell you, if we're here to be honest with one another.
Mom: Shoot.
Me: Well, I'm coming out. I'm bisexual, by every definition. In fact, you've met my ex-boyfriend once. Remember Nick? Yeah.
Mom: Aha. So you do take after me!
Me: Whut.
Mom: Well, I am too, so it's not much of a surprise.
Me: WHUT.
Mom: "In fact, you've met my ex girlfriend, once. Remember Rebecca? Yeah."
Me: ... Oh? ... Oh... OH. *Me gusta*
Mom: And if you don't mind me saying, Nick was quite the catch. Shame you two broke up.
Me: AUGH. No. You are not supposed to be fantasizing about my dates. That is not cool.
Mom: Why not? I saw you eying down 'Becca like she was a fresh picked booty call.
Me: *dead silence for a good five seconds* ... No. Absolutely not. You did not just say "booty call".
Mom: Well, technically, that's what she stopped by for, but, you know...
Me: *sticks head out window, screaming* THIS WOMAN IS AWESOME! (it is of note, that at this point, I scared a pedestrian so badly he fell off the road, jumped up, and gave me a fist in the air in recognition, so someone got the point.)

And the conversation just went downhill from there.

Friends: Like... Uh... one person knows, and he nearly punched me for not admitting it sooner. Like, apparently, it was so obvious, I was wearing a neon sign pointing it out. But, also, apparently, he was the only one it was obvious to. So I got kinda confused. Then he admitted that I had let it slip a month prior when I was talking about my boyfriend and, while attempting to hide it, said "he" and not "she". He didn't say anything at the time, and I missed it, so, you know.

The Public: The public doesn't know; the internet does. Case closed.