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 Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:53 pm
One day, a blonde sick of all the jokes decides to commit suicide and buys herself a gun. She goes back home and and writes her note, and then tries to decide where she wants to shoot herself. "I can't shoot myself in the chest, I spent too much money on these boobs" She thought to herself"I can't shoot myself in the face, that would ruin the plastic surgery" she reasoned"I know!" she thought" I'll shoot it through my head!" So she placed the barrel in one ear, and put her free finger in the other to block the sound and pulled the trigger.
later that day the blonde walked into the emergency room for treatment. when asked what the problem was she told them she had shot off her finger.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.
A man hired a blonde to paint his porch white. He gave her the paint bucket and brushes and asked to tell him when she was done. Later that day the blonde knocked on the mans door "done already?" he asked "that was fast". "No problem, it was easy" said the blonde "Oh and by the way, that's a corvette not a porch"
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Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:08 pm
rofl Those were great! rofl
A blonde and a brunette see a guy with dandruff. The brunette says, "We should give him some Head & Shoulders."
The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"
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dewshine_angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:18 pm
nice!
What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
once you get them on their back they're both screwed!
*edited your post language* - dew
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Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:44 pm
Do you edit my language? o.O
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Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 6:03 pm
I never really edit language unless it is really offensive. confused
Here's one that I hear a while back:
There was a blond nun who was very righteous and had done many good works in her life, so God came to her and told her that because she was such a faithful servant, He would grant her any wish that she desired. The nun thought about this for a minute and then replied, "I really hate all of the those blond jokes. They make blonds like me seem like idiots. So, my wish is that all of the blond jokes would disappear forever." God thought that this was a good request, so he gets rid of all of the blond jokes. After a few seconds, the blond nun tells God, "I just thought of one more request. Could you make it so that these M&Ms aren't so hard to peel."
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Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 7:40 am
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dewshine_angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 7:35 am
huh, didn't think that word would be a problem if only used once. Oh well anyway-
A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.
The policeman walks up to the blonde and says "Excuse m'am, could I please see your driving license and registration."
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
You rotten b*****d, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."
The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"
"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"
“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.
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Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 7:09 pm
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dewshine_angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 9:05 am
Quote: "Give her another chance, Give her another chance."
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Posted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 6:43 pm
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
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Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 11:43 am
Those were great! xd
This one is old, but I still like it.
A blond walked into a bar; the brunette ducked.
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Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 7:08 am
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 7:41 pm
I am naturally blonde but those are the funniest blonde jokes i have ever heard. I couldn't stop laughing about the corn flakes joke.
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 7:56 pm
I work in a bakery, and we have a computer that we use that has a special printer that can print people's pictures on the cakes once the image is scaned into the computer. We use this computer A LOT. Most of the summer we had it in a special room because we've had like fifty cakes a day to decorate and we had more space in that room. Graduation season is pretty much over now, so we moved the computer back about two weeks ago. Yesterday one of my co-workers who is a natural blonde says to me:
"I took this quiz on facebook that was "how much of a blonde are you?" and the result of the test said that I was sixty percent! I said 60% how can that be? I'm smarter than that."
I laughed and told her that I should take the quiz and see how much I would be. (I am a natural brunette). A couple minutes later she starts loading all these cakes on to a cart and starts wheeling it out of the department. I ask her where she's going.
"To the computer room! I'm going to put pictures on these cakes." I stop what I'm doing and just stare at her. Now, her back is to the computer, but it's been back in the department for two weeks. She's used it since it's been there, as she works often.
"Corrine, the computer's right there!" She turns around and makes a little shriek and begins laughing.
"....sixty percent it is!"
biggrin
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:15 am
Zellie I work in a bakery, and we have a computer that we use that has a special printer that can print people's pictures on the cakes once the image is scaned into the computer. We use this computer A LOT. Most of the summer we had it in a special room because we've had like fifty cakes a day to decorate and we had more space in that room. Graduation season is pretty much over now, so we moved the computer back about two weeks ago. Yesterday one of my co-workers who is a natural blonde says to me: "I took this quiz on facebook that was "how much of a blonde are you?" and the result of the test said that I was sixty percent! I said 60% how can that be? I'm smarter than that." I laughed and told her that I should take the quiz and see how much I would be. (I am a natural brunette). A couple minutes later she starts loading all these cakes on to a cart and starts wheeling it out of the department. I ask her where she's going. "To the computer room! I'm going to put pictures on these cakes." I stop what I'm doing and just stare at her. Now, her back is to the computer, but it's been back in the department for two weeks. She's used it since it's been there, as she works often. "Corrine, the computer's right there!" She turns around and makes a little shriek and begins laughing. "....sixty percent it is!" biggrin And they say that internet quizzes are usually wrong! rofl I am actually a strawberry blond. When I first got my driver's license years ago, I put down "red" for my hair color. I didn't want to be a blond legally. xp
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