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 Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 7:49 pm
dewshine_angel This one is great! I wish I'd seen the actual episode it was on!! JeopardyI would have guessed a hoe also. blaugh I have never heard of a rake outside of lawn care.
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:20 pm
SEVERAL Ways to have people think you are CRAZY !!!   >>Ask people what gender they are. Laugh hystericaly when they answer.
>> Find out where you boss shops and buy the outfit they wore that day. wear it the day after they do. (It's even funnier when your boss is of the other gender)>> Go to an old folks home. sit down then yell really loud (name of nurse) has a bingo game going in the activity room. leave during the resulting scramble.>> Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
>> Whenever possible skip.>> Talk on your phone when its unplugged. claim to be talking to the president or a movie star. leave the plug lying in plain sight.>> Stare at a Tv that's not turned on.Laugh and cry, make exclamations like "I love this show!!>> Whenever you hear a bell yell ICE CREAM MAN and rush out of the room.>> giggle when nothing funny happened.>> Have a fork fight with yourself and claim that the winning hand cheated and defiled your house’s honor.>> Grab a highlighter from one of your friends and, in your best English accent, shout out, “Oh Highlighter, I beseech you!">> Pretend to be frightened by electricity. >> Spontaneously shout out “Wanted!” from Bon Jovi’s Dead or Alive song. >> Claim to be building a secret army of b*****d and/or inbred children to lead to world domination. >> Try to convince as many people as you can that you actually parted the Red Sea and that Moses just had a better PR agent than you did. >> Constantly, and consistently, tell your friend that you want him dead.
>> Dance without music. >> Spend an entire day pretending to be either Murdock or Mr. T from the A-Team--choose whichever is least appropriate to your race. >> When someone says something you don’t like, look them straight in the eyes and say, “We don’t like that.” >> When your friends piss you off, politely remind them that you’re the star of this television show and they can be written off at any time. >> Hold your head in pain until someone asks you wants wrong and then say, “My temple has no followers.” >> Say aloud, everything that you do as you're doing it. During sex, do the same, but refer to yourself as BlueBerry. >> For no discernible reason, blurt out that life was much better before they invented women. >> Pick random times during the day to announce that reindeers aren't real. >> In the middle of a crowded street bust out doing the “Time Warp” from The Rocky Horror Picture Show and see who joins in. >> While at a restaurant, casually say “Trip the waiter,” as he walks by.
>> Argue with your friends that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was actually a love story—it helps if you have good examples. >> While watching television, suddenly scream, “Get those people out of that box!” >> Walk through a hospital humming, “Another One Bites the Dust.” For added effect, do this on an ICU floor. >> Laugh really loud every time someone says the word pumpkin. >> Every time you kill a fly or roach, shout out, “Such is the fate of all who oppose my reign!” >> When someone explains something to you, stare at them seriously and ask "What does that have to do with syrup?" >> Try to convince everyone you know that you have an evil twin brother and blame him for every bad thing you do. Or…if you happen to have a twin brother, convince everyone that you’re the same person. >> Jump up and down on a stranger’s couch and proclaim to the world that serious, psychological illness can be cured by taking Flintstone chewable vitamins…Oh wait, Tom Cruise already did that. >> And finally, anytime you do something in the above mentioned list, claim that you’re doing it to aid in your sanity defense.
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:28 pm
30 Funny Ways to Really Annoy People 1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3) Insist that your e mail address is: xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
4) Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask "Do you want fries with that?".
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8 ) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
10) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
11) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
12) Don't use any punctuation.
13) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
14) Ask people what sex they are.
15) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
16) Sing along at the opera.
17) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
18 ) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
19) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
20) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
21) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
22) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
23) Call the psychic hotline and just say "Guess".
24) Contact the NAACP and ask them if they accept donations payable by confederate money.
25) When the money comes out of the ATM, Scream "I Won! I won! 3rd time this week!!!"
26) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
27) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bothers me, it's the voices in your head that do".
28 ) Tell your children over dinner "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".
29) Every time you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here".
30) And the final way to annoy people . . . . . .When u are sleeping over at someone's house try to sleep with your eyes open. 
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:37 pm
OMG dewshine !!! that was hilarious !!!! <----------- looks fer more... wink oh yea .. i'm on a mission now
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:39 pm
Missy, I've seen most of those before; however, #23, 34, and 28 of the how to annoy people list are priceless. xd
Dew... wow... that room is even worse than my best friend's room! eek
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:41 pm
I just noticed the exotic dancer one! rofl rofl rofl
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:56 pm
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dewshine_angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 12:08 am
rofl rofl rofl Those were great!
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Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 1:00 am
How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity!
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your rubbish bin On Your Desk And Label It 'In.'
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks
Once Everyone is Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your cheques, Write 'For Smuggling Diamonds'
7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy.'
8. Don t use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Have Your colleagues address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
16. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won!, I Won!'
17. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The car park, Yelling
'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!'
18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
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Posted: Sat Jun 13, 2009 1:04 am
101 Things to do at Walmart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this s**t, anyway?"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
43. Two words: "Marco Polo."
44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
46. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.
55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."
59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.
71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag
72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming"
73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes
74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane
76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)
77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"
78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight
79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.
80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.
81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section
82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.
83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.
84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.
85. If people aren't looking at their cart, steal it.
86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily face!"
87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.
88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught
89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.
90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."
91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.
92. Rearrange items as you see fit.
93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.
94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs
95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex)
96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recomended)
97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
98. Follow someone until they notice
99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7up commercial
100. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.
101. Record yourself while having sex, then have it play over and over gain in the middle of a clothes rack.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:23 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:31 pm
Unfortunate town names. Penistone, UK
Middelfart, Denmarkd***o, Newfoundland (Canada)<********, Austria
Crotch Crescent, UKCrapstone, UKIntercourse, Pennsylvania
Boring, OregonAccident, Maryland (Why in the hell would you name your town that?)Wetwang, UK (A lot of these are in the UK...What the hell, Ukrainians?)Hell, Michigan (And various other states)
Hooker, OklahomaEmbarrass, Minnesota
Bird-In-Hand, PennsylvaniaTitty-Ho, UK
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:03 pm
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dewshine_angel Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 4:05 pm
Lol I can't believe screwball actually recognized your typing style! Oh and thanks for that last image I'm gonna have nightmares now lol sweatdrop rofl rofl rofl
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