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 Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 11:51 pm
Mercenaryx2070 I am a horrible shameless flirt. And I know this. I've been person A and B. Right now, I'm person A. My boyfriend's best friend from high school-who's a girl-started coming around again. I know they're friends, but he disappears to her place for a minimum of 4-6 hours. And, I think, they share a lot more in common. So, naturally, I do feel threatened. So I talked to him about it and actually made the effort on trying to get to know her better (back in high school, there was a lot of things being said and it turned into a horrible case of "he said she said" rolleyes ) Now, she and I don't click so much, but we still manage to hang out a bit. And slowly but surely, we're getting to know each other. The last thing I will EVER do to my boyfriend is force him to a cross roads (either her or me). If the situation turns into them becoming romantic for some reason (which I really don't think is the case), I'd let him go and wish for his happiness. Now to switch the roles- As I said before, I'm a shameless flirt. That'd make my boyfriend person A, myself person B, and many of my friends person C. Only once, and very early in our relationship, has this ever made my boyfriend felt uncomfortable. We talked about it, I toned down the flirting and things were/are fine. I'm a no bullshit kind of person, and I like to put all my cards on the table. I've gotten a lot better at being more gentle when it comes to certain things, but my point always gets clearly through and it's worked for me and boyfriend for seven awesome years. But what works in my relationship might not work in someone else's. Of course, I can't recommend anything more than honesty. No matter how you go about it, if you feel threatened, you feel threatened, and the person B in your relationship should know about it... Gahh here goes me and this is not to offend you. Why you feel threatened? If you won't let your boyfriend I shouldn't say force you can never force someone you can only address and if they are willing partners to change for you, because they love you than they love themselves in a way they are not selfish,(between pick side between you or her? It's a bit of a contradiction). But then I see why you would never do that, because you are a flirt; well lol that's very honest though. Sorry wasn't reading your second side of things, I got ahead of myself with my thoughts lmao XD.
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 8:45 am
AntoniaMerEnfant Dafthank AntoniaMerEnfant In my case B just wishes A could tell her she's pretty from time to time. Is it so hard? GAHHH. So in most cases, is it a matter of Person C providing something that Person A is not? Also, why doesn't Person B just tell Person A what is missing? Finally, who's responsibility is it to speak up first? Oh, and Antonia is pretty from time to time. I already told A I have a problem with it, that because he doesn't say it it really hurts. All he ever says is that he has a hard time with words... sad Then in your case, having a person C is a necessity to keep you stable, and I don't think anyone could judge you unfairly for that. If you're not getting what you need from person A, then having a person C that will do those things (Short of anything remotely sexual) is justifiable in my opinion. I think you should tell Person A that this is the function of Person C, and hopefully, it will cause a change in their demeanor. BTW I find it absolutely retarded that his excuse is "I have a hard time with words..." Like Autism/Head Trauma retarded,but I'll save my opinion on that for another topic. I think that the relationship is a sham unless Person A feels threatened by Person C. However, I think that person A has to be the one to single out person C and find out what's going on. How could you not feel threatened by another person monopolizing time, sharing secrets, and being comfortable with your signifigant other. Threre's a big difference between trust an apathy.
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 12:43 pm
AQuAxXxScORP_62704 Gahh here goes me and this is not to offend you. Why you feel threatened? If you won't let your boyfriend I shouldn't say force you can never force someone you can only address and if they are willing partners to change for you, because they love you than they love themselves in a way they are not selfish,(between pick side between you or her? It's a bit of a contradiction). But then I see why you would never do that, because you are a flirt; well lol that's very honest though. Sorry wasn't reading your second side of things, I got ahead of myself with my thoughts lmao XD. lawls Nah, I'm not offended in any way. I believe someone else already said that feeling threatened with the introduction of person C is kind of a natural response. In my situation, I feel threatened because I feel I'm one of the main reasons why my person B and his person C stopped talking all together. Otherwise, I don't think I'd feel the way I do... Not as much anyway. But the main reason why I would never force my boyfriend into a crossroads isn't so much that I'm a shameless flirt (I'm a lot more laid back about things because of that, though), but because it simply isn't fair making him choose between his friend and myself. It's not like she's a bad person or that she's trying to seduce him or anything. They're just friends. And I know that if I made him choose like that, I'd probably lose, no matter how much we Love each other... Even if he would choose me over her, what kind of person would I be to make him make that kind of decision just because I feel somewhat threatened? It's just not right in my eyes... In the end, everything comes down to trust. Trust and honesty 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 8:29 pm
You know Hank, I think you might have had the best advice out of everyone I talked to. A flower bends towards the sunlight, does it not? I think I'll be honest with him, It's not that I need to be complimented, but maybe if I pretend when someone else says I look nice I can imagine that it's really my boyfriend saying it, and not some other party...
sad But yeah, if he doesn't get nervous by other guys paying more attention to me... that would be a seriously bad sign.
And Merc I am right on board with you said in your last post. In my opinion we need BOTH our romantic love and our friend love. Our best friend isn't always the same sex, or whatever gender we're -not- attracted to. I mean as a bisexual theoretically I could be attracted to "any" friend since I find both genders attractive. HOWEVER, attraction is more than straight guy plus straight girl or gay guy plus gay guy. It's not some biological equation based solely on genitalia and sexual orientation.
I think too much time with just friends or just significant other can be damaging. As well-rounded people we need both in our life, working in harmony and balance.
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:22 pm
Here, here!
I don't think I would have ever been able to articulate my thoughts into such a profound statement. Not without a really long winded story or two. You really oughta' see what some of my posts look like before I read through them and take out all the unnecessary tangents xd
But nicely said ^.^
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Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:45 pm
I'm bi-sexual so I love women too. I don't get jelouse but just like anyone else trust and honesty is important. But once you broke that then you sh** on that and if you want to work out things have to be different and no longer the same because trust is broken honesty is broken and love is hurt, but people don't work things out anymore that's why there is divorce because that's too hard for both side, someone might feel like you are trying to change the nature of a cheater who can't change for you or the one cheating don't want to change at all lol but this is how I see it there is a lot of scenerio but I've seen them all most of my friends are way older and has a lot of experience....the sad part they are all broken some are love addicts some are serial cheater and some are happy alone, etc.
But this is how I see things to flourish you have to be one together without holding back, and that is how you slowly earned your honesty and trust even if it's hard.
I understand hard time, like death of own child, financial struggle, but will never understand a cheater and to me that is not hard times lmao hahaha you became a stranger and possibly an enemy, relationships are suppose to blossom and become a flower by intertwining and become one not back to square A when a relationship struggled to be one by knowing each other personality and what can clash it and how to work things out. Then again this is how I think there is THE ONE for you.
I found her she's my best friend, she knows I"m bi. I always tell her if I'm a guy you and I would make everything right. Because we both are so different but our values are so much the same, that it's easy to work things right w/o me or her saying "we'll your crazy I don't see it that way, most people don't see it that way"...and it just become a blaming game, and because of it we don't sleep angry.
I will settle with her even if just to be her company as a friend if things don't work out with her and her new beau...we always talked about it...lmao. We are very open with our feelings to each other....gahh hard to find a friend or a friend in a form of a lover......
I have many close friends, but not another best friend. (gahh this is just a rant I want to share lmao the older we get the harder it is to find a great friend or the one that can make you feel whole). You either get one or the other but not both in the same. You are lucky if the one is infront of you and he or she is with you.
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