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 Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 7:49 pm
I don't know what to do Dear Keeper, I'm at a loss. Well, me and girlfriend might break up. The reason being that there is this other guy. She had a huge crush on him for about two years and she was always trying to impress him. But the thing was, he never returned any of those feelings. So she got over him and met me a while after. We've been going out a few months now and both agree that they've been wonderful. They've been friends ever since. Then a few days ago they found out they both thought each other are cute and they both liked each other, and if she wasn't dating me, they would probably go out. The day she found this out, she had stopped by my work when my best friend came in moments before. She told him about it. When I had asked her what was bothering her, she simply said, "Don't worry, its something i have to handle." I asked her what it was about. She ended up saying again to not worry and trust her and then, "Its something that might end this relationship." So yeah, obviously that's not going to make me worry. I got almost no sleep that night. The next day she told me about it. She had talked things over with the other guy earlier that day and that they had decided to remain just friends. She had also told one of her best friends who told her not to tell me about this. They both knew the way I'd react, and ya know what? I reacted the exact way they said i would. I told her that if she really wanted to, and if she really like this other guy, that she could break up with me and date him. I would hold no grudge and still be her friend. And anyone who would think bad of her for doing so would have to answer to me. As cocky as this sounds, I'm one of the most trustworthy people around here (so I'm told anyway) so people should not have any bad thoughts about her. One thing my girlfriend was worried about was making it seem like I was used, which I know isn't true. She asked me my thoughts on it and what advice I had. As her boyfriend I said, "I just want you to be happy." As her friend I said, "Go with the other guy." I said that because it was plain obvious that she still liked him a whole lot. Then she wanted me to be selfish. That was the weirdest request I've ever gotten. She said that she wanted me to say to not choose the other guy, to stay with me. But I can't make a choice for her, I can only influence it. As long as she makes the choice she thinks is best, I'll be okay with it. I never did say what she wanted me to. Then yesterday, she went on vacation with her family. She'll be gone for two weeks, so that some time for her to think about it. I'd just like some thoughts and opinions about this and what I should do. (This is the short, not as detailed version) Sincerely, I don't know what to do
Dear I don't know what to do,
Lordy me oh my, that is quite the situation. I personally think you did the right thing. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. Letting her decide on her own and not influencing her should help her becaue she can really think. When she wanted you to be selfish, I think she wanted you to make the situation easier for her. She obviously cares for you a great deal and doesn't want to hurt you if she likes the guy that much. There is not much you can do except be there for her and let hr really decide what she wants. Don't stress about it and it'll be okay in the end.
Girls can take a while to make up their minds, so beware.
Hope things get better,
Kepper of Elfish Wisom,
Suze.loves.James.Potter
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Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:06 pm
First off, I'd like to apologize. This was sent to me during my scuba trip and I completely overlooked it when I got home. I'm sorry! Quote: Dear Keeper Suze, My girlfriend and I live together in an apartment and she has gotten a job recently in a near by town about an hours drive away. I live and work as an at home secretary in the morning and she works late night shifts at her CNA job. You can already see where this is going I bet, heh. Anyways, a typical day goes as I wake up at 6 in the morning and retire to bed at about 9 to 10 pm. My girlfriend's shift is at 11 pm to 7 am and she's extremely tired and pretty much crashes when she gets home after eating a breakfast. So as you can see, we only get at most 2 hours of contact in a day and even then we're either getting ready for sleep or work. I fear that all this time away from each other might start splitting or tearing at our relationship. She's worked about 5 days now and I can already tell we're starting to drift. Will this relationship work or should I not be worrying at all? Sincerely, Lost, worried, but still hoping.
Yes, yes, yes, keeping hoping. I knew a couple just like this last year. They decided to take at least a day off a week and just spend it together. Now, ever weekend morning, they go to get coffee from a gas station together and they are one of the greatest couples I know.
Keep working, keep fighting it. It'll be worth it in the end.
I wish you all the luck in the world,
Suze.loves.J.P
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Minerva the Bookwyrm Captain
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Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:39 pm
I don't know what to do, the thing is that your girlfriend wants you to fight for her. I've had female friends tell their boyfriends, "So-and-so was checking me out today," and they get offended when the man doesn't say, "You're mine," or "I'm lucky to have you." Be warned that she might choose to break up with you and go wih the other bloke simply because she feels that you do not want her enough.
Granted, it takes more love to be selfless than selfish, but she probably won't see it that way. If you don't wish to lose her, then I'd advise telling her. You can let her know that you'll continue like her as a friend no matter what, but you should at least say that it'll hurt you a bit to see her go. 3nodding
I fancied someone for two years, and watched this person date others. I wanted them to be happy, so I didn't interfere, but it still hurt me witness. It meant that my affection was genuine that I was willing to deal with the pain for the sake of their happiness. If it honestly won't hurt your heart at all to see her with someone else, then you probably aren't meant to work out as a couple.
All of that pro-selflessness stuff being said, if I were in your position, then I'd be the one to dump her. If my girlfriend (or boyfriend) was seriously considering leaving me because she thought that someone else could make her happier than I could, then she isn't worthy of having me. It's not only a matter of pride that would make me dump her; it's a matter of security. Even if she chose to stay with me, I'd spend the rest of our relationship worrying about the possibility that she regrets not going with the other person. My mother, grandmother, and others have told me that when you meet The One you just know, and you don't have doubts like that about the relationship. heart
Lost, Suze is right. The best thing to do is to coincide your work schedules so that you spend time together each week. Maybe you should both take Sundays off, or get off early on Thursdays so that you can have dinner together. It should work out if you both put the effort and time-organising in. smile
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