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 Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 2:57 pm
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:00 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:28 pm
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:34 pm
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
Roamin' Catholic
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:47 pm
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:51 pm
What does mozart do now that he is dead?
He decomposes....
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:54 pm
Ska Boss Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear. XD this one made me smile
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:55 pm
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
Yes! Avada Kedavra!
emo
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:58 pm
arrow the quickest way to a mans heart... is Chuck Norris's fist
(I am a french horn player... here is ma french horn joke... only horn players will get it.......) :
arrow How can you tell your kissing a french horn player? Her mouth is placed perfectly and her hand is up your butt
arrow How do trumpet players great each other? "Hi, I'm better than you"
arrow Why does the French Horn sound so heavenly? Because only God knows how to tune them
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:59 pm
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:01 pm
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. XD
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:03 pm
omg chuck norris jokes lmao *actually has tears in her eyes*
Yo mama so fat when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:03 pm
A "you're so ugly...." joke:
You're so ugly,
that when you were born instead of getting a birth-certificate,
your parents recieved an apology letter from the condom factory.
Ho snap!
(I laughed so hard when I first heard this)
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:04 pm
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes and no."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"
------------------------------------------------------------------m--
Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, no matter WHO left you a fortune."
------------------------------------------------
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:04 pm
OK, now for a miriad of Chuck Norris jokes
arrow When Chuck Norris does a push up hes not lifting himself up, hes pushing the world down
arrow Chuck Norris went back in time to save JFK. He deflected the bullet of his chest and JFK's head exploded in sheer amazement
arrow when people look into the sun they blink, when chuck norris looks into the sun its called a eclipse
arrow Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil in exchange for his rugged goodlooks and impeccable karate skills. Once the deal was done, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Devil rendering him unconscious and took his soul back. Upon waking, the Devil, who appreciates irony, now plays Texas Hold 'Em with Chuck the third thursday of every month
arrow Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
arrow Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
arrow Chuck Norris doesn't tea-back, he patato sacks
arrow Ghosts are actually the result of Chuck Norris killing people faster than death can process them
arrow In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten
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