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 Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 3:09 pm
Lance Asguard Suicidesoldier#1 The CIA needed to fill an opening for an overseas coordinator of covert operations. They wanted someone absolutely ruthless and loyal, willing and able to follow any order. Finally, they whittled it down to 3 candidates. Each was brought to the Director's office one at a time. When the first one walked in, the Director said: 'John, I think you're one of the best candidates for this job. I just want you to do one thing to prove it to everyone. Take this pistol, go in the room next door, and shoot the person in there.' John takes the gun, opens the door, shouts 'Are you CRAZY? That's my WIFE!' Tosses the gun to the Director, takes his wife and storms out. Second agent, same instructions, pauses briefly when he opens the door, steels himself and goes in. Director listens to the silence beyond the door for a minute, then the agent comes back, with his wife, puts the gun on the desk and leaves, shaking his head. Third agent enters the room, pulls the door shut behind him. Director hears a few shots fired, and gets up from his desk. Then there is a horrendous noise of screaming and thuds. He runs to the door, yanks it open just as the third agent comes back. 'Some idiot put blanks in the gun, but I managed to beater her to death with the chair.' heard that one before You. Shut. The. ********. Up. Lol jk xd
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 3:13 pm
Suicidesoldier#1 Lance Asguard Suicidesoldier#1 The CIA needed to fill an opening for an overseas coordinator of covert operations. They wanted someone absolutely ruthless and loyal, willing and able to follow any order. Finally, they whittled it down to 3 candidates. Each was brought to the Director's office one at a time. When the first one walked in, the Director said: 'John, I think you're one of the best candidates for this job. I just want you to do one thing to prove it to everyone. Take this pistol, go in the room next door, and shoot the person in there.' John takes the gun, opens the door, shouts 'Are you CRAZY? That's my WIFE!' Tosses the gun to the Director, takes his wife and storms out. Second agent, same instructions, pauses briefly when he opens the door, steels himself and goes in. Director listens to the silence beyond the door for a minute, then the agent comes back, with his wife, puts the gun on the desk and leaves, shaking his head. Third agent enters the room, pulls the door shut behind him. Director hears a few shots fired, and gets up from his desk. Then there is a horrendous noise of screaming and thuds. He runs to the door, yanks it open just as the third agent comes back. 'Some idiot put blanks in the gun, but I managed to beater her to death with the chair.' heard that one before You. Shut. The. ********. Up. Lol jk xd wow for a CO your well unpridictable
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 3:15 pm
Lance Asguard Suicidesoldier#1 Lance Asguard Suicidesoldier#1 The CIA needed to fill an opening for an overseas coordinator of covert operations. They wanted someone absolutely ruthless and loyal, willing and able to follow any order. Finally, they whittled it down to 3 candidates. Each was brought to the Director's office one at a time. When the first one walked in, the Director said: 'John, I think you're one of the best candidates for this job. I just want you to do one thing to prove it to everyone. Take this pistol, go in the room next door, and shoot the person in there.' John takes the gun, opens the door, shouts 'Are you CRAZY? That's my WIFE!' Tosses the gun to the Director, takes his wife and storms out. Second agent, same instructions, pauses briefly when he opens the door, steels himself and goes in. Director listens to the silence beyond the door for a minute, then the agent comes back, with his wife, puts the gun on the desk and leaves, shaking his head. Third agent enters the room, pulls the door shut behind him. Director hears a few shots fired, and gets up from his desk. Then there is a horrendous noise of screaming and thuds. He runs to the door, yanks it open just as the third agent comes back. 'Some idiot put blanks in the gun, but I managed to beater her to death with the chair.' heard that one before You. Shut. The. ********. Up. Lol jk xd wow for a CO your well unpridictable lol xd I try to do that. Also, I try to has a good attitude. If your not happy doing something, why do it at all; or if you don't get happy afterwards. wink
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 3:19 pm
M.A.R.I.N.E. acronym
My a** Rides In Navy Equipment
Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Essential
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 3:23 pm
ASRAAM. It sounds like a** Ram. And it's British.
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Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 3:35 pm
Suicidesoldier#1 Lance Asguard Suicidesoldier#1 Lance Asguard Suicidesoldier#1 The CIA needed to fill an opening for an overseas coordinator of covert operations. They wanted someone absolutely ruthless and loyal, willing and able to follow any order. Finally, they whittled it down to 3 candidates. Each was brought to the Director's office one at a time. When the first one walked in, the Director said: 'John, I think you're one of the best candidates for this job. I just want you to do one thing to prove it to everyone. Take this pistol, go in the room next door, and shoot the person in there.' John takes the gun, opens the door, shouts 'Are you CRAZY? That's my WIFE!' Tosses the gun to the Director, takes his wife and storms out. Second agent, same instructions, pauses briefly when he opens the door, steels himself and goes in. Director listens to the silence beyond the door for a minute, then the agent comes back, with his wife, puts the gun on the desk and leaves, shaking his head. Third agent enters the room, pulls the door shut behind him. Director hears a few shots fired, and gets up from his desk. Then there is a horrendous noise of screaming and thuds. He runs to the door, yanks it open just as the third agent comes back. 'Some idiot put blanks in the gun, but I managed to beater her to death with the chair.' heard that one before You. Shut. The. ********. Up. Lol jk xd wow for a CO your well unpridictable lol xd I try to do that. Also, I try to has a good attitude. If your not happy doing something, why do it at all; or if you don't get happy afterwards. wink whoa @0@ confusing but makes sense
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:25 pm
That joke is halarious! I have to remember that one. ROFL!
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:33 pm
Military Rules
US Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start
with a "4." (That just shows good sense.)
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life
is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (lateral &
diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or
tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention
to shoot.
Navy SEALS Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
US Army Rules:
1. Select a new beret to wear.
2. Sew patches on right shoulder.
3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.
US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" PowerPoint
presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.
US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy the Marines
Sniper Rule:
1. One shot, one kill.
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:37 pm
Take a minute to think about this one...its messed up but halarious!
Seals vs. Green Beret
Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.
Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,"I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," said the Green Beret, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret's boot and spit in it.
When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it.
The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston.
As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" the Green Beret asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:49 pm
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Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:55 pm
Special Forces Challenge
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. "One U S Special Forces soldier is better than ten Taliban."
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One U S Special Forces soldier is better than one hundred Taliban."
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The American voice calls out again "One U S Special Forces soldier is better than one thousand Taliban."
The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machineguns ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There's actually two of them."
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Posted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 10:21 pm
Assassin VIII Special Forces Challenge A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. "One U S Special Forces soldier is better than ten Taliban." The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out "One U S Special Forces soldier is better than one hundred Taliban." Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The American voice calls out again "One U S Special Forces soldier is better than one thousand Taliban." The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machineguns ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There's actually two of them." My dad once told me one like that. Good joke.
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Posted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 11:01 pm
Some body armor and a machine gun go a LONG way.
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Posted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 9:01 pm
Tell me about it,lol blaugh
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