THE ANGST ZONE (Use this, for the love of internetz! ><)

[Chexley]

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
There they are a'standing in a row!

So. Here's my situation:

My Loss Prevention girl came to me the other day and said that another associate at work said I was harrassing him through messages on Facebook and by giving him my phone number.

That is, by no stretch of the matter, true. I did indeed give him my phone number and told him on the note that it was up to him to text me. I sent him ONE message on Facebook and introduced myself, saying that it was also up to him to reply/add me as a friend.

I was stupid. I didn't think. My LP girl made sure to tell me this and said that after receiving a charge like that, it would go to Human Resources and they would issue a termination request. I could have been fired. Why "could have?" Because the LP girl was kind enough to tell me that it was a warning, that she knew how much I needed this job to go to school.

I thought about it and decided that I would transfer out of the store so the guy wouldn't feel uncomfortable and wouldn't have to dread coming to work. The only way I can do that is to go straight to my big boss at the store and ask for a transfer paper. She came to me and wanted to make sure everything was okay. You guys can understand how cautious I was feeling to tell allow myself to tell her this, for fear of being fired on the spot.

My big boss gave me a dubious look like, "Really? I would fire you? No way." She said that she didn't want to get rid of me and that she would arrange for myself and the coworker to talk things out in the back office today, when we're at work.

I wrote an apology letter.

This whole situation has been eating me alive and making me sick to my stomach. What's funny is that I never thought of things this way, which a few people I have talked to have pointed out: Why didn't he just come to me and tell me stop before tattling/snitching on me? I'm not even going to begin to be selfish and feel hurt.

My primary worry is my job.

I'm certainly not asking for advice -- I just wanted to get this off of my chest some more by talking about it.

"Give them a twist, a flick of the wrist!"
That's what the showman said!

 

[God-Raped-Me]

I'm so fed up of getting "lemons" in my life!

My car is starting to break down. There's a nasty squeal when I turn to the right, I don't think it's the bearings as I've never heard of them squealing. I think oil is getting into my break fluid, if it's not oil I have no clue what it is... However it is blacker than my oil. There is a hole in my coolant line somewhere making my car overheat whenever the hell it wants to. The intake fan never worked from the beginning but I didn't find that out until like 4 months AFTER I had the car.

I have to wait on OSAP to be able to pay rent but I can guarantee it won't come in this week! Why? Because that's when it's supposed to come in!

Then today we finally found a dog! A year old American Rotti. Most beautiful dog I have seen in a long time and it was OURS! He was so well behaved when we met him and in the car ride home! Then we got him in the house and that was it! No listening to us, being aggressive, and then bit GTR's father. All I can say is thank god our kids weren't home! Obviously we had to call the previous owners and get them to take the dog back because we can't have something like that around our kids. He was even aggressive when it came to OUR food.

My plan of action for the future: Buy cars from dealers when possible! Pay the money for a puppy, one that is completely vet done! As for school... well I just have to try and push on!

Left foot right foot. Left foot right foot......  

[Bassios]

2 hours. Two ******** hours late.

As usual.

Every time Viran and I try to meet up she's ALWAYS late. Never once has she been waiting for me at the train station when I go to Wolverhampton. Never once has she got the right train to Shrewsbury. Instead, it's always "Oh, I missed it"

I don't mind if she misses one train, sometimes it's just unavoidable. I also don't mind her saying "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to get to the train on time even if I rush my a** off, do you mind if I slow down a bit and get the next train instead?" Yeah, that's honestly fine.

Missing TWO trains, then telling me that she'd considered not coming at all because she felt a bit off. ******** hell.

Not only this, but when she is late, I'm always patient. "Oh, don't worry about it, it's okay."

It's not ******** okay. Not when if I miss the train ONCE she freaks out and tells me that I should have left earlier and gotten myself sorted earlier and that it's all my fault.

What the ******** is up with that?

And that bollocks about nearly not coming because she felt bad? How DARE she? I've gone out to her with headaches and stomach aches. I've put up with them so I could see her. She probably wouldn't. Or she would, but would whinge about it all the time.

I'm sick of these double standards. I don't get why it's okay for her to be late but not me.

 

[Roland Karloseth]

Angst tiem? Yes, I believe it's angst tiem.

So. I recently started working. Finally. I'm a cart pusher at walmart. And I like my job, I do. It's easy, yet it's keeping me constantly active. I'm becoming healthier because of it, I'm drinking more water in one day than I used to drink in a week. Plus, it's money, money I can use to be putting my life back together.

I like my job. I DON'T like working alone.

I don't know what everyone knows about cart pushing, but, they make a machine for it. You rip the back wheels off of a cart and attach it to the machine, and you use it to push the load of carts. We refer to it as the "mule". Well, our mule is broken, and we don't get a new one until next February. Maybe. This means the mule is a two-man job, since the remote control is broken. One person has to drive, the other has to steer. With the remote, it only requires one person to steer the carts, the remote will drive the mule.

Meaning, when I'm by myself, I have to keep the cart bays stocked by MYSELF. The mule can push 20+ carts. I'm stretching it with 10.

I worked by myself for three hours yesterday.

They recently fired two cart pushers here. However, they never took them off the schedule. So, those two people were scheduled to be my help today. Awesome.

One wouldn't think I would need more crap on top of that, right? I work, it's a strenuous job, I get home and I'm tired and sometimes in pain. My mother, however, seems convinced that it is her role in life to make MY life miserable. Since my car is broken, I need a ride too and from work. So, she gets there yesterday, and it turns out she had shopping to do. Whatever. I was in pain, tired, I wanted to go home. That went well. Why she HAD to have me along , I'll probably never know.

On top of that, I had to sit and listen to her go on and on the whole car ride home about what a manipulative disrespectful b***h my girlfriend is. So yeah. Really pissed off.

Why the hell do things never go smooth? >_<

 

[Rica is insane]

Uggh...what did I do to deserve this? I feel like Fate is laughing at me while I sit and suffer.

I fell in love with my best friend, I didn't realize it until a few weeks before she left. As I spent my last few days seeing her I ended up staying the night twice, ending up sleeping with her both times. I'm such a goddamn idiot for letting my feelings get the better of me.

Fast forward to now she tells me a few days before my birthday she has a boyfriend now she knows I have feelings for her however I encourage her to talk to me about him because I'm a friend first..right?

Things start going alright in terms of her and I, my feelings don't go away but they do become easier to ignore. So I'm doing better at just being a friend, to make her happy.

Tonight I'm reminded of something I blocked out, she has/had feelings for my DM who is a shallow b*****d (yet a good friend, strangely enough). He has gotten on purely to tell me about a girl he banged. That's just like the straw that broke the camel's back. I fell apart and started crying, my chest had started hurting again.

What the HELL does he have that I don't?! He even admitted he wasn't right for her! He wanted sex, she wanted a stable relationship! I could've given her that! Why does she not like me?! -facedesk-

Then the pessimistic little voice in my head starts telling me the things I try not to think about, telling me that it's because I'm ugly, selfish, pathetic....then it starts telling me that when we did sleep together she was probably thinking of someone else and that I was just a replacement...

God...why does my life hate me so much?! What the hell did I do to deserve this s**t?! I just want to be loved is all. I'm starting to think that, that's too much to ask.

 

[God-Raped-Me]

Rica... I know you're beating yourself up and all... and I got a bit confused in the post. If, this is where I was a bit confused, you aren't sure that she has feelings towards you.... it could just be a p***s thing. My sister in law was even told that she would make a great lesbian if she didn't like p***s so much.

So try not to beat yourself up over this, as hard as that might be, you just don't have the right equipment.  

[L!la L!nea]

I twisted my ankle when falling off the stage into another mans arms and I almost went home with him... I have a boy friend of five years and I almost went home with another guy(granted I was wasted but this is still unacceptable). I have decided never to drink again this year because I have been having uncontrolable fits of rage recently.

also my other foot is pussing and it is gross; _ ;  

[Rica is insane]

....I thought..things would settle down. I thought things were going to be smooth ******** sailing. I thought that I'd finally be able to find some peace and forgive my mother for all her horrible bullshit she pulled.

How ******** wrong I was.

I'm ******** sick of this bullshit. I can't believe she'd do that. My father, the poor man who's been through hell and back as it is, was once again lied to and manipulated by my mother. She lied and said that they would get back together...but once she got to Texas she said that there was no way. Even after he told her how much he loved her.

I hate this...I hate that I can't hate her. I hate that I cling to her like this. I want to despise her so much. But I can't. I can't and it's eating me up inside. What's worse is part of me thinks this is my grandmother's doing. She's the kind of person and has a lot of influence over my Mom...

I don't know..I don't care. I just want everything to calm down. I want it to stop. I want all the drama to just ******** STOP. It's unnecessary and it hurts.

 

[God-Raped-Me]

Apparently it's too much to ******** ask people who DON'T LIVE IN THIS HOUSE to ring the ******** doorbell before coming in!

I have a sign up on the door, I have asked countless ******** times and still people waltz into this house like they ******** live here!

Maybe I'm asking too much. Maybe I'm being unrealistic. Maybe my morals are out-freaking-dated! Yes? No? I don't ******** know!  

[124-C]

Maybe if you spent an hour a day maintaining your life instead of coming home from work, plopping down on the couch, and watching six hours of TV you wouldn't be constantly sick, behind on the chores, emotionally distraught, and living in a house that's rotting out from under you. Thought of that?  

[God-Raped-Me]

GTR is quitting smoking. I hate it! He's constantly pissy and heaven forbid I should say anything. He's constantly shushing me when I talk. He hasn't done anything around the house and he has helped me twice and was all "I've done nothing but help you!". Dude.

I just wish he would chill out and see how he's acting. I need to set up the video camera!  

[Kerrigan_dragon]

You'll swoop from incredible highs when you're just glad to be alive,
to those lows when you wish you were dead.
And just when you start thinking that you've accepted who you are,
that changes,
too.

You know, I thought I could handle school better. And it's not even that I dislike university. Heck, I LOVE it. I just... can't seem to function at full capacity. I stopped functioning in October-November to the point where I couldn't even get up out of bed to throw away my garbage, or put dirty clothes in my hamper (which is something I do obsessively). I didn't feel that depressed, but I wasn't there. I don't know what happened, and that kinda scares me. I stopped going to my Greek and Roman Studies lectures, even though that was my favourite class. I skipped several of my other classes, even anthropology where I don't have any friends to email me the notes, and there's only one lecture a week, so if I don't attend I'm ********. Somehow I managed to pull a 72% on my midterm for that section in anthropology, but I got a 54% in my archaeology class. I pulled my s**t together for the anthropology exam (got 92%, which makes my final grade 83%), I don't know how I did in archaeology.

I don't know what happened, I just couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't study, couldn't talk to friends... it was very unsettling. And I'm scared it's going to happen again this semester. I had two withdrawls last semester. If I can't handle taking 3 courses this semester, I'm going to have to seriously rethink my life. But being in university makes me so happy. I just don't know what happened.

Oh, and my doctor accidentally poisoned me. :/ I went to him a few weeks back, he got me taking my meds again cause I was down and demotivated, but I wasn't supposed to start on the full dose, which he forgot to mention. So, I went back a few days ago because I'd had a horrible two weeks, and he told me that it accidentally poisoned me.

My best friend and her boyfriend broke up. Toby (the boyfriend) and the guys are some of the people I hang out with the most in the Drama Undergrad society - which is the main place I hang out at on campus, which is sad because I've barely been there because of demotivation/depression - but they never really include me. When Toby and Heather were together they'd include me in things once in a while. I got invited to a D&D game once. But that's about it. I've just been Toby's girlfriend's best friend, hanging out on the sidelines, and now I'm not even that. I really am just "that chick" (which was what Toby called me once when he forgot my name, and Heather and I teased him about it sometimes), with no place in their group. I don't even know why I want to be involved. I mean, I get along with them well enough, but I'm not close with any of them at all. Makes me kind of sad that the people I see most at university, I hardly know, and they've only ever invited me to hang out with them twice. Star Wars D&D went well, but when I hung out with them at karaoke, I left without paying the bill, so Raj had to pick it up for me. And it's his birthday soon, very nice birthday present from me. Oh, and the day before that I was at the Drama Undergrad Christmas party with them, and I accidentally kicked my shoe at Vince. Hard. And hit him in the solar plexus and caused him to fall flat on the floor and have everyone think he was drunk when he hadn't had anything to drink. Real smooth. It wouldn't be so bad, you know, if it wasn't for the fact that I really don't know if they like me at all, or were just taking pity on me because they were talking about karaoke right in front of me at that party, so invited me to come along.

I honestly feel like the majority of the time when I'm hanging out with people, it's just that they're with me out of pity, or I'm the person in the group that, as soon as I leave, they're all like "ugh, she's so ANNOYING". I know many of you ATGers like me, but you also don't have to hang around with me. I'm really loud and in your face, then for almost no reason I'll be quiet and secluded. I'm demanding, and socially awkward, and I like to play way too hard. I hurt people a lot, physically I mean. Maybe I'm too hard on myself, but after I hang out with people, half the time I want to cry/die/never see them again because I feel like it went horribly in some way. "I made a fool of myself, I hurt someone, I scared someone, I was too shy, I was too loud, I sucked at the game, I should have tried playing the game," whatever it is, it always eats at me. Heck, even having met ATGers - though I always had tonnes of fun - if I think on it too hard I wince because I feel like I did something really wrong.

But, you know, I usually just try to ignore those feelings of epic failure every time I go out in public or open my mouth.

Found out my brother has contemplated murdering my parents.

Been drinking, maybe too much, I dunno. I've gotten drunk once... in my whole life. Twas completely legally, too. Usually I'll just have a drink or two for a couple days, every couple weeks or so, but you know, everyone seems to freak the hell out at me when I do. Drinking to get drunk and forget takes way too much money and effort, and I don't really like it. I like being in control of my body and my thoughts, what I say, and even though I tend to go over things way too much, I do like to remember. Sometimes, though, I just want a drink. I like the taste. Caramel Bailey's with chocolate milk is like drinking a caramilk bar. And when I have a couple drinks I start to get a buzz and just don't feel so preoccupied with being perfect about everything.

Course, this is all secondary to me worrying constantly about Roland, and having felt lonely lately. Really, really lonely. But that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Because who you are is not permanent.

 

[Roland Karloseth]

Urgh. Maybe I'll be able to get my feelings out better this way than in speech. I certainly hope so.

So, life has been incredibly stressful on me lately. I have been looking for a place, but, I'm not having much luck. And I don't want to get to the point where I have fifty options that I'm looking into, because then I'll be too overwhelmed to function. Unfortunately, it seems that I get overwhelmed too easily. So, since I'm retarded in that way, finding a place is going rather slow.

And of course, the fact that I'm miserable at my parents house is not helping that one bit. And now, on top of the normal crap I deal with from my family, there's the added bullshit of the new dog in the house: A ******** chihuahua. This damn dog barks it's stupid little head off at me whenever I step foot out of my bedroom. Now, just so you know, I absolutely ******** despise chihuahuas anyway. But when it gets to the point where I can't even go to the bathroom without this stupid little rat being retarded, I get really pissed. Once, when I was leaving for work, the stupid thing jumped on my moms face and stabbed her in the eye with its claw, just so it could get closer to bark at me. And then, it got blamed on me. "Well, if you would take some time to get to know the dog, this s**t wouldn't happen." Like I said, I hate the little rats, so I'm not going to spend time with it.

Work. There's another issue. I swear to god, I think this store is the worst walmart ever. Quite often, people call in on me, and I end up working by myself. And the other day, one of my co-workers pointed out to me that this bullshit happens to ME most of the time. It's usually just MY help that calls in. Now, while I was relieved that it wasn't just me thinking this, I can't help but wonder now if it's because I've done something wrong. I don't think so, everyone is pretty relaxed with me, we'll joke around while we work and everything. However, I can't help but wonder...

And of course, working by myself sucks. Because, you know, keeping an entire walmart stocked with carts by yourself is totally an easy job. And god forbid I go inside to ask for help, because I think it would kill the managers if they had to do a single ******** thing. A few of the managers are good about being nice and helpful. Most of them just tell you to deal with it and keep up. Which I can deal with, for the most part, until the managers start talking about you over the radio about how you need to stop being so lazy and keep up. I don't know if they forgot I HAD a radio, but, whatever.

Also, I have absolutely no one to hang out with now in this goddamn stain on the map. Now, everyone has either moved away or is still here, but being a druggie, which I've been trying to get away from. There are a few exceptions, I could go hang out with my friend Julian and listen to him talk about WoW for ten hours straight. But, it seems that what little social life I did have for a while is no more. Back to being a hermit, whee. >_<

Of course, all this is made a lot worse by the fact that I'm incredibly jealous of Yunie and Pisces right now. All I want is to be with my girlfriend.

I just... argh. Tired of complications. Tired of stress, tired of everything. I just want things to go smooth.

 

[Chexley]

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
There they are a'standing in a row!

@Roro: I know how you feel about working by yourself. My situation is a little different, however.

Our morning girl left to become a Service Deli supervisor at another store, leaving only four of us to run the department. Technically, as we all have our respective days off, there's only three of us: one to run the morning shift, one to run the afternoon shift and myself to run the evening shift.

I have the easiest job in that all I have to do is clean and make sure everything is put away. I just have the extra task of preparting spits of chicken for the rotisserie and pans of chicken for the hot case. The poor bloke and bloke-ttes that come before me during the day have to bust their asses making sure party trays are made and making sure our inventory is stocked, on top of making orders out to the warehouse.

It's certainly going to be stressful. I stayed until the store closed last night at midnight, when I got in at 6 -- without a break. Of course, working without a break is illegal, but, who cares? I'm not allowed to leave my department because that prevents me from getting things done so, when I'm asked by the head hanchos if I've been getting my breaks, I'll just smile and lie through my teeth.

And yes, I'm also jealous of Yunie and Pisces. Being single sucks major balls but. No guy will go out with me because I've got too much going on and the guys in this city would rather have a girl that's unattached and can be banged 24/7. It's pitiful.

Anyway. I know how you feel and I'm here for you if you want someone to relate to. : ) Oh yeah. I'm also sending Kerri-kins some money so she can see you.

"Give them a twist, a flick of the wrist!"
That's what the showman said!

 

[penned ignorance]

Right. My turn to use this thing. It's high time I got MY feelings out in the open.

First of all, I am incredibly exhausted. I'm so tired of being the shoulder for pretty much EVERY one of my friends when nobody really wants to do the same for me. I tell them about the things that are annoying me the most, but I don't get too into things because it seems like whenever I do, they don't know what to say. Maybe it's just because my problems are too complicated or something... either way, it sucks. I'm forced to swallow most of my own stuff in the face of everybody else. After several long months of this, I'm truly feeling exhausted.

EDIT: Not to say this is all of my friends, but a lot of them..

Second, I'm having boy troubles. Not that it's an uncommon thing, but it still sucks. I was dumped by my boyfriend four days before out 2nd anniversary. Not because he didn't want to be with me anymore. Nope. Because he couldn't ******** handle the stress of being in a relationship. After months of me holding his hand and supporting him through his depression, this came as a slap in the face. Best part? He wanted to remain friends.

The friends thing was fine. At first. I thought it would be a good thing if we could still remain in each other's lives, considering he is and was one of the best friends I've ever had, even before we dated. But every time I did or said ANYTHING that reminded him of being in a relationship, he freaked out and gave me the cold shoulder. so I let him come to me in hopes that I wouldn't lose him for good. Even better? He keeps telling me he still has feelings for me and that's why he didn't like being reminded of our relationship. Brilliant.

Last Saturday he came over to my house to watch movies. We had a great time, and it was one of the first times we've really been able to laugh and have fun with each other since everything went down. Then halfway through the night, he tells me he still loves me and thinks he's made a mistake in leaving me because it's only running away from his problems. But then he goes on to say that he still needs more time to figure things out and it's too rash to get back together now. What the hell? So now I'm stuck here waiting for him to make up his goddamn mind while I get pulled around by his s**t. Do I still love him? Absolutely. Do I want to date him again? If he pulls his s**t together, sure. But right now I'm sick of this.

So that's my story. Congrats to anyone who made it through.