THE ANGST ZONE (Use this, for the love of internetz! ><)

[Indigo Project]

Everything has not been great, I'm afraid. Some things have been going the wrong way fast. I'm not dancing anymore on any kind of regular basis, and I have let my eating habits slip... and this has been going on so long that I have gained something around 40 lbs over the course of the last year. It's really distressing watching the pile of clothes that don't fit as it continues to grow.

Oh yeah, and I never seem to be able to hold on to money either.  

[Bassios]

So, not entirely sure what I should do about this one.

Some of you may be aware that my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. If not, read the previous statement again.

Anyway, I got told today that a friend of mine has been saying some unpleasant things about me to my ex. Things along the line of "You were stupid to go out with him."

Clearly I'm annoyed about this, Nick shouldn't be sticking his nose into what should stay between Paige and I until we've talked about it and sorted everything out. I'm more than just slightly annoyed that he (is supposed to have) said that Paige was "stupid" to go out with me. What the hell is that supposed to me? Yeah, I can be childish at times and I know I'm not perfect but saying she's "stupid" for going out with me is a bit harsh.

Now, I'm not entirely sure he actually said this. I was told by a mutual friend who was there when this was supposed to have been said. Though I've got no reason to mistrust her currently, I've had bad experiences with believing what I'm told from 3rd party sources.

Nonetheless, I am inclined to believe this because Nick's been acting like a prissy b***h because I'm talking to Ashleigh (said mutual friend) more at the moment. It seems to me that he was fine with both me and her when we didn't talk that often, but now that I'm friends with her he seems to have taken on a different attitude with both of us.

I honestly can't wait for college to finish so that I have an excuse to fall out of contact with him and a few other people on my course.

 

[Roland Karloseth]

Ok, so, I'm about to ******** kill something. Here I am, getting yelled at for punching my brother on the arm because he REFUSED to shut the ******** up and stop insulting me. Keep in mind, this was AFTER I asked my mother to tell him to stop, but that only got her insulting me instead. "All in good fun," yeah ******** right.

Also, I'm just in a general bad mood anyway because I'm missing my friends 18th birthday today. She was the first person to talk to me when I moved into this shithole, yet here I am, stuck at home because my mother ******** keeps me prisoner in my own home.

I'm getting the feeling that I may be out on my a** sometime soon again...  

[invisible-weirdo]

A;LJIDFJNLKRBJKLFXBH
I'm trying not to piss them off. I really really am. But my parents' constant bitchniness is making it really quite hard.

In addition to the s**t they say about me (helping to destroy the last bits of self-esteem I have left! 8D) it would seem they've upped up the amount of crap they say about my friends. Ok I get it. You don't like my friends. I get it, I really do. It doesn't matter that they're actually nice to me or that they make me happy or that if I asked for help they would probably do everything in their power to do so or that they're the few folks that I actually care about (and vice versa). No of course not. All that matters is that they're currently in school. So what if ******* and ***** still live with their parents and don't have a job. I'm ******** too. It's a b***h and a half to get a job now so it's really not all that uncommon. And guess what? They're all set to go to school this fall, but apparently going for computer programming courses doesn't count. Oh no, of course not. Because computer programming isn't useful at all in this day and age, because there's no way they would ever be able to make a career with such a degree. And of course, who cares that they're taking classes at the community college this fall. Since they didn't go immediately after graduating high school (or getting their GED) they now just fail at life and there's no way for them to ever redeem themselves.

And let's not forget all the nice little things you've been saying about my boyfriend. The man I've been with for over two years now, who I love with all my heart and who loves me. I can understand if you feel like I'm going a little too fast (even though we've been taking this as slow as we can) or that you feel like maybe I'm not mature enough to actually say that I love someone. I understand that, hell I even expect it from you guys. But when you talk crap about him, to my face mind you, because he's not in school or because he's still holding onto a crappy job at Walmart (a job he absolutely hates too) and thus is not nearly good enough for the daughter you didn't even really want, then I get angry. Because he only ever treats you guys with respect. He has never hurt me and treats me with only the utmost kindness. And yet all you do is say such stupid things about him. About how you saw him walking with 'his other girlfriend.' Or about how I would probably leave him without a second thought if someone better swept me away. And when you make those 'jokes' about shooting him, I fail to see the humor in that. And I laugh at dead baby jokes.

UGH.  

[Sentama Lin]

Standard problem: I don't feel that I'm good enough for the person that I love, even though he cares for me very, very much. I know the feeling that one is not good enough happens in many occasions during relationships, but it's annoying. I know I'm the best I can be for myself and for him (and, if he can't take who I am there's no reason I should be with him), but I just feel so mundane and boring compared to him and his friends.

I spent the entire weekend with him and his friends drinking, having fun, and hanging out at our Pride festival here in the Twin Cities. It really and truly was a lot of fun, but I had sobering times when I realised that I was so different compared to the other people there. Even though it was hardly extravagant or gaudy or showy or anything (it was just us watching Family Guy, playing video games like Guitar Hero and GTA4 and having a sh*tload to drink and eat), I just felt out of place. I couldn't tell him this during the party; it wasn't the time or the place for it. So, I did my best to have as much fun with his friends and him. I still think it was fun, though I noticed that everyone felt that I was a little more reserved than I should have been.

My boy was still partying a bit when I left back for my house so it still wasn't the right time to talk to him about what I felt. So, I wrote him a letter, sharing everything I felt, but also letting him know that I had fun. I felt he deserved to know how I feel, because I don't want to make him feel confused about anything.

I still feel like a mess though. This relationship is too good for me to f*ck it up by being insecure about myself.  

[Indigo Project]

Have I made a terrible mistake? The man I have been madly in love with for just over a year now... is it a dead end?

As long as I am with him, it is highly unlikely that we will ever get married, and even less likely that I will ever have children of my own.

I had one chance to have a child... did I throw away my only one?  

[Sentama Lin]

I f*cked it up, and I'm in pain. I'm waiting to find a time when he can talk to me so I can say what I've been wanting to say, but so far I haven't been able to find that time. I know he's busy with school, but I'm hurting so, so, so very much, and I don't want to keep pestering him because I know he knows that I need to talk to him.

I'm just in so much pain right now. I can barely eat, barely sleep, my chest always feels like hurting, and I always feel like crying.  

[Serious Erius]

Throw her off by dancing naked on her porch, be sure to wear bodypaint and some crude tribal accessoires, also shouting cultish sounding gibberish, bonus points for sacrificial animal in your hand, extra bonus points if it makes pitiful noises and bleeds.  

[Taeryyn]

I thought I was doing so well here. If anyone had asked, I would have said moving to Saint John was the best thing I'd done in a long time.

But after having spent a week away, I can hardly stand it.

I'm back. The weather is typically miserable. The house is completely wrote off and smells like cats. Speaking of which, one of them apparently had gotten stuck in my room and pissed on my clothes, and another one has an eye infection.

I have to work tomorrow, and the thought makes me want to throw up. I hate that place so ******** much.

So I'm wandering around the house, trying to keep it together, and wondering how I ever fell in love with this place to begin with.

I miss Nova Scotia. cry  

[pickle relish]

GAAAAH!

So, my mom and I left to go to Idaho today, to visit my family, especially my grandfather, who has septic pseudomonas, and probably isn't going to last much longer. We took my car, which we had our mechanic check out over the weekend to make sure it would get us there.

Yeah. It overheated. Turns out the radiator is shot.

So I'm stuck in a motel room, still in Washington, and won't make it to Idaho until tomorrow night. Which means we have to miss the awesome Shakespeare in the Park performance we were going to go to. Yay.  

[umi505]

just want to vent before my head explodes. And there's no one I can talk to when I feel this way.

I feel like I really wasted my time. I've gone hours and hours in conversations where all my "friends" do is complain about the dumbest s**t in their life, and I sit, listen, give them hugs and encourage them. But whenever I needed that hug or an ear for just a couple minutes all I ever got was a shrug and a "whatever it is I'm sure you'll get over it".

I've canceled out on a really nice opportunities so I could console a grieving friend. But when my dog died, or my grandma died and I was a mess, the only response I usually got was "Oh, sorry.... Well, guess what! I got a date with Bryan tomorrow!!"

I've made hug plans to hang with them, weeks in advance, only to always be canceled out on at the most last possible second because "her boyfriend asked her this morning if I wanted to go to dinner with him tonight". Guess I’m just not important anymore

I'm so done trying to make other people happy, I'm so done being used as a tissue.

And to make it worse I did something dumb. A friend of mine asked me out, said he had a crush on me for a while. I never put him in the "friend only zone" so it could've worked. But, being so upset by my thoughts, said no and to please just leave me alone. Poor guy begged me for like 30minutes and I just kept saying no. And now I think he's X-communicated me. So, i just pushed away something that maybe, for at lest one night was willing to listen to what I had to say. Now that I think of it, he was the only person who ever sat down and asked me “Are you ok?”  

[YunieCookie]

So, it seems my hours at work have been cut back. :/
I'm going to university next year, so between now and then, I need to save about $10000. I also want to go out west with my best friend next summer before we head off to different schools. This means I need to put about $200 in the bank every pay. With the hours I've had for the last month, this was no problem, I made close to $300 every two weeks. With these hours, I'll only barely be making $200/pay. My parents can't help me out much with school because they're still working on getting themselves out of the hole. Pretty much the only support for school I'm going to be able to get from them is a computer and food money.
My mom says I should talk to my boss about getting more hours at my current job, and if I can't, get a second job. Which wouldn't be so bad in the summer, but, once school starts up again in September, I have a full schedule of pretty hard courses. I would have next-to-no time to hang out with friends, or do anything non-school or work related -__-;
Not so great when I need that kind of thing to keep me sane. I don't want to up the number of calls I make to the Mental Health line from one/year, I really don't.
It doesn't help that I really do not like confronting people, and that I'm painfully shy.
*sigh*
I'll just have to think of something, I guess..  

[Roland Karloseth]

Frustration needs to be vented. Doing it here.

Alright, so most people know that fifteen minutes after my last post in this thread, I was in fact kicked out of my house. Boy, can I call them or what? rolleyes Anyway, Right now I'm staying with my girlfriend, her brother, and her disabled mother. They are on a very fixed income, foodstamps and cash assistance. Not only am I staying there, but my friend Ryan, who I brought with me is here. I feel bad about this, I feel like I'm leeching. This is despite the fact that they ALL say I'm not. I just can't get out of that mindset.

Also. I found my own place to stay. It's my uncles old house, and he said he'd let me stay there and pay him rent when I can. Herein lies the problem: It's been abandoned for several years, and is dirty as hell. I'm not even going into the structural damage here. My friend fell through the floor. stressed Anyway, I need to get that place running as soon as possible. That is hard with no income.

Here's another thing for you. Here is a list of the people who are usually over here.

Deanna
Chris (me)
Ryan
Mike
Tanya
Reba
Dio

Deanna is my girlfriend.
Tanya is my ex-girlfriend.
Tanya is Deanna's cousin.
Ryan is Tanya's ex.
Ryan is Deanna's ex.
Reba is Tanya's ex.
Reba left Tanya for Dio.

Yeah, it's just one big awkward salad around here. rolleyes  

[Slim95]

Anybody got a hug they can spare for a gal in a not-so-nice mood? sweatdrop