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 Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 7:18 pm
So... I have a um, dad. He's kind of a deadbeat... OK, kind of is an understatement. I had to have the discussion with him tonight about whether he should kill me or not tonight. It was very very uncomfortable. I'll put up a link to my blog if anyone's interested in the details. My Blog About Dad Talking about Killing MeSo I figured I'd open up a thread about Dads. Not just a rant thread. I want people to talk about the good dads too. I know recently AuraLyn kind of brought up her relationship about her father, so since the issue could have a thread onto itself... But I figured while we were on the subject we could talk about the good things dads do, and the dads that aren't so great (as bad as mine is, I'm very very lucky that my dad was never physically abusive). So tell us about your dads, step dads, uncles who were like dads, big brothers who were like dads, legal guardians, lack of father figures, or George Michael songs.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 4:43 am
I read your blog my dear, and all I have to say is WOW. That man needs to get himself to A.A. and some counceling.
I couldn't even imagine having to go through that.
Fortunately I've been extremely lucky when it comes to my father.
Althought I got walloped often (I had a "strong" personality, which incidentally enough I inherited from him) I knew he had my best interests in mind.
One saying my sister and I have, that we tend to use when our spouses (well not mine anymore but....)
are pissing us off.
"The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy".
I wish it could be that way for you too.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 8:01 am
I cannot say anything bad about my father; he was good to us, he paid the bills, kept a roof over our heads...but he was...distant. My father never took the time to get to know either me or my brother. My brother harbors resentment for this, but I kind of understand how my father is.
That's not to say we didn't butt heads growing up. He and I are just alike; prideful, stubborn to a fault, very intellectual (and think we know everything). My dad's problem is his temper...he yells about silly things, so we got to the point where we never told him anything.
I can say this, his world revolves around my mom. He is quick to tell you that she is his best friend and one true love. Any man that can say that is a good man.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 11:14 am
My kids mean the world to me (I have 3 daughters none of which are my biological children). I can't even fathom having a conversation with them about something like that.
My whole world revolves around them and I try to make sure I try to take in interest in their activities. Sure I have my parental obligations, work, household chores, discipline, but I try not to remove myself from their lives.
One of my daugthers came from life where her bio father was an a** and I promised her that I would not forsake her. I just don't know how some parents can be like that.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:12 pm
Ooookay. It's religion if you talk to God, it's mental instability if God talks to you. Especially if he tells you to kill people.
My father has a severe Peter Pan complex. This makes him a fantastic weekend warrior, but a terrible parental figure. When I was about five, he freaked out about the responsibilities of having kids, had an affair and left my mother. Luckily, my parents are a pair of those rare divorcees that actually don't hate each other and can spend time together without any sort of unpleasantness.
So, he'd take us camping, to theme parks, on vacations, and paid for pretty much anything we asked for... but then he'd also leave us home alone for entire weekends with nothing in the house but peanut butter or drop us off at the movie theater and forget to come back. It was nothing malicious, he'd just... forget.
Now, he's quite happily living up at Lake Tahoe as a kept husband, building kyaks and robots and working only during tax season (he's an accountant). We only really see him at holidays, because we can't get him to come down from the lake for anything less than an emergency.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:59 pm
I don't know where to begin about my father, so let's try with this.
He's lazy. Lazy to the point where I will be downstairs in my room (which is in the basement of the house) and he will be up in the living room. The phone will ring, or the dog will need to go out. Instead of getting up and walking to ten or twenty feet to the door or phone...he will yell from his chair until I come upstairs to do whatever it is he's to lazy too. The man doesn't even go upstairs to sleep in his own bedroom anymore. He just sleeps in the chair in the living room.
He's dirty in two ways. One that he doesn't shower regularly, and it is truely disgusting. Two that he won't clean up anything. Period. He'll get up and make something in the kitchen and leave everything out for hours on end. Just today he dropped a raw egg on the kitchen floor while I was out taking a walk, so that when I came in it was there on the floor waiting for me to clean up. Along with everything he left on the counter and stove.
He likes...no, more like loves...to drink. He is the number one reason why I myself don't do much more then take a few sips of alcohol, ever. Actually, he acts a lot like what it seems like Antionia's fathers acts like. Not that we've had a discussion about him killing me (thought it truely wouldn't surprise me if a discussion like that did happen one day.), but everything else that Anotiona blogged about was spot on for my own father.
...and I've written another book again. Sorry, but I suppose this is one topic I can truely rant quite a bit about. D:
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:49 pm
Seeress Ooookay. It's religion if you talk to God, it's mental instability if God talks to you. Especially if he tells you to kill people. IAWTC. My dad is neurotic. He worries a lot and is easily confused. Fortunately, though, he's not physically abusive anymore (he was to his first two kids, my half siblings) and has learned to have more of a sense of humor about everything in general. Nowadays he reminds me a lot of Kahn on King of the Hill, hair, accent and all.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 5:10 pm
my pops will always be my hero. When my mother died, he had to take on the role of being both a mom and a dad. A lot of my aunts thought he couldn't do it and immediately asked him to hand me over. He challenged every single one of them and decided to raise me himself with the help of his mom and sister. That was in 1989. Many years later; I have to say poppa bear did a fine job. I'm glad he decided not to give me up. He was/still is always there for me. He spoiled me a bit but also taught me the value of a dollar. He scolded me when I needed it and made sure I took pride in my academics. He also taught me to have confidence and be proud of whatever I do; even if those around me disagree. He just taught me so soooo much..and is a grand example of what ambition is all about. He started working at 19 as a groundskeeper and has just retired at 54 as a plant operations engineer.It's only been 6 months and they're already trying to get the man back... xd
All in all, he is the best father in the world. A bit tough, but also full of love and compassion. Even in the times we disagree, I will always love him with all my heart. heart
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 7:39 pm
My parents got to divorced when I was very young. I don't even remember living with them both at the same time, I was so young. Apparently what had happened was my dad made some mistakes and got himself arrested a few times and my mom basically had enough. Since then, he's made amends and straightened himself out. He's been good to me (being that I'm the only one of his three kids that he talks too regularly) and I try to return the favor where I can. I've especially been trying in the past year or so since he almost died from some sort of nasty kidney infection. That really put things in perspective.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 11:33 pm
Lots of interesting stories about Dads here.
One of the reasons I'm holding off on having kids is because I want my children to have a good father, because I know how off it feels when you don't have much of a dad. Unfortunately that sort of thing is out of my control. A lot of people have great dads but sometimes their lives are all too short. My mom was really close to hers, but he got lung cancer when she was 17 and passed.
Dads that put their foot down are good fathers, even if the children sometimes complain. My Mom was the one who disciplined, and I was very fortunate to have a parent who loved me enough to tell me no.
smile
[Adnamac] I suppose our fathers could go bowling together? I'm sorry to hear you had to go through it. I know a lot of people have it worse than me. Dad had his OK moments here and there, fishing was alright. My Dad's just deteriorated over the years and insists that he's done nothing wrong and doesn't have a problem. Course, my dad has never been able to admit he was wrong. When he cheated on my mom with her best friend, he told her it was because she didn't love him enough (my mom was very, very good to my Dad, but she couldn't take it anymore when I was 16 and divorced him). Don't worry about venting it, I figured this thread could be a vent thread as well as a positive thread.
I think mostly people tend to over simplify fathers as a whole and label them either as all-bad or all-good.
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Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 5:48 am
I guess I was just lucky with my parents. My Dad stopped drinking before I was born, except for teh occassional glass of wine. The only reason you'll ever find a can of beer in my parents house is actually just for cooking(Or if one of my uncles is over). My Dad never struck me in anger, though we have the same way of venting I've noticed(We beat up inanimate objects. Which is probably why I've been so stressed out the last few weeks. I have nowhere to put a punching bag. meh).
My Dad is also the primary foundation I have for Religion. As much soul and scripture Searching as I've done, I'm getting close to ending up exactly where my dad sits on religion. I take after him alot. But I doubt I'll ever have kids, my fiancee and I aren't exactly jumping at the idea.
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Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:42 pm
I have a great dad. biggrin
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Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:55 pm
I have a great relationship with my dad. Not so much my mother. Haven't talked to her in over 6 years. Last time I saw her was the anniversary day of my sister passing away and he didn't tell me she was going to be at the house when I was coming home for leave before I was shipped off to Germany.
I have my reasons for not associating with her.
AntoniaMerEnfant: I read your blog as well and I had somethings I was going to say, but read some of your posts in here as well. It's what made me change my mind about what I was going to say. So all I'm going to say now is, I hope everything gets resolved soon.
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Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 8:54 pm
falling sanity I have a great relationship with my dad. Not so much my mother. Haven't talked to her in over 6 years. Last time I saw her was the anniversary day of my sister passing away and he didn't tell me she was going to be at the house when I was coming home for leave before I was shipped off to Germany. I have my reasons for not associating with her. AntoniaMerEnfant: I read your blog as well and I had somethings I was going to say, but read some of your posts in here as well. It's what made me change my mind about what I was going to say. So all I'm going to say now is, I hope everything gets resolved soon. I admit sometimes I get hopping on the Dad is bad train. I just kind of wish he didn't owe my mom $20,000 + in back child support for my little brother, the financial strain is hard on mum. She's a wonder woman though. I guess we'll have to make a mom's thread won't we? I'm not sure what would work as a viable resolution with the dad situation. I know people do sometimes change, but there isn't much you can do when someone can't own up to having a problem. My father has never been a good influence for me (luckily I had a very, very good Mom to balance things out). And I can't really be his parent. In a weird way I think of myself as a bit of a female dad. Due to all the problems with my father I became really active in my little brother's life. I did my best to help my mom raise him, and I must say I was a sappy mess when he decided to go away to school. I can see how much hard work full time parents put in, but I also realize there is a lot of benefit in knowing you helped shaped someone's life for the better.
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Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 12:55 pm
We should have a mom thread, as well. 3nodding Mine is also of the wonder woman variety. I wish I'd turned out more like her, but I ended up being closer to my dad's version of flaky.
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