Welcome to Gaia! ::

wow I have a friend who's going through a somewhat similar thing. Her long distance boy friend is now in prison for 3 years. I don't know your history with this man.
My friend was with him for 2 years ( visiting each other every 4 months)
His initial plan, when he found out he was going to trial and could be incarcerated was to break up with her and just fade out of her life. He thought it would be easier on her. She refused to break up. They had a long talk and she's decided to wait. Now she visits him every six months. He's in England, she's in Western Canada.
I didn't tell you this story, to be an advocate for waiting, you'll have to decide that on your own after evaluating your relationship with this man.
I just have a few questions for you to ponder.
Does he have a way to contact you from where he is? (does he have your mailing address) Can he contact you through this roommate or someone else?
If so why didn't he let you know, or give you some address to write to him (do you think he wants you to wait)
Did he know beforehand he was going away, or was it an instant thing, got arrested and kept in jail until his trial?
For your morals how does the nature of his crime make you feel? Do you consider it bad?
Do you even know what he did?
As far as I can tell, he didn't ask you to wait for him, he didn't give you the opportunity to even discuss this with him.
Anyhow that's my two cents.
If you want to discuss it further, feel free to pm me.

I agree with both Nessachan and Nom-de-Plume. you have to search your heart for what you feel is right in this situation, without anyone elses words swaying you in a direction that you shouldn't go in. you control your future, and you have to decide who will be in that future with you.

That being said, I know what you are going through. My boyfriend was just recently released from jail. He was incarcerated for 5mon. When he was arrested, I went through every emotion in the book trying to figure out if I was going to stay with him. I had people lie to me and tell me all sorts of things about him...but I finally had to make a decision...who to trust, and and believe. I chose him in the end. Granted, the reason he was arrested was because of someone elses slip up (they left a bottle of prescription drugs in his car, and when the cops pulled him over for speeding they slapped him with a controlled substance cahrge as well).
After I decided that I wanted to stay beside him, I found out how to visit him and write to him. It was hard being without him, but our relationship is better than ever now. His attitude was changed from being in there...he knows to choose his friends better and he takes nothing for granted. And he knows I will stick with him through anything.
Now, that being said...to contact him you need to find out where he is. (Duh, i know). If he had your address, he should have already written too you...unless he is feeling like you wouldn't talk to him if he contacted you (being rejected in there hurts worse). Also, he would have to call you (there is no way to call him), and you would have to pay collect charges. (or pay up front on a credit card, which is what I did).
If he does not have any of your information, then there are still ways to find him, if his roommate will not give up the information. All jails and prison keep an inmate log that you can find online...it should also tell you his charges on the website. If you can find out what state he is incarcerated in you can start from there.
This was long, I know. You can PM if you need anything else. Whatever you choose, things will work out. Everything happens for a reason.

I'll try to answer as many questions as possible, so I forget one, please tell me.

His crime was beating up a police officer (sheer irony considering those who know about my issues with them, though I still think it's wrong to physically harm anyone). I'm under the impression he was aware, but failed to contact me until after he was incarcerated. I have mixed feelings about the morals of his crime. I feel that he needs to be punished for his crime. I love him, but he broke the law and he needs to suffer the consequences. Part of loving someone means not making excuses, and wanting them to be the best person they can be. Ryan's a great guy, but he does have a habit of getting into situations he shouldn't be in, I think the two years is a bit much, but he definitely needs to pay for what he did.

My resolution now that I've had a night to think about it is to move on with my life but try to keep in contact with him. Hopefully his roommate will give me an address I can write to him... I hope.. hope. It's not that I don't love him or want to be with him, but two years is a long time. He may not feel the same for me when he's been released. Time cannot completely kill how we feel about people, but it can mute it greatly.

I feel that if in two years when he gets out, if I'm single and he's single, and the feelings are still there, and it can happen, then I will be more than open to it. But being at the "prime of my life" I don't really want to lose two years. Also, with the pressures of work, school, and my other loved ones, I have to keep living. I guess I want to keep my heart open, and willing to accept the possibility Ryan and I might never get back together. I want to be ok with that, not because I don't love him, but because its healthy for me mentally and emotionally to be prepared to accept loss.

I guess I'm not sure on the contact stuff. I've never really been friends with anyone in prison before. I really hope to stay in touch with him. Prison can be a scary place, a place that can cause people to lose hope. Maybe it's idealistic of me, but I feel like if I can maybe write him a letter once in awhile, maybe it can make him feel less alone, and help him through this very very challenging time.

Always follow your heart...that is what is always important.
Just remember that he's in a completely different situation than you...you have the chance to move on, all he can do is sit there and think about what he has done and where he would like to be. he may not have contacted you because of money (they have to buy pens, paper and all that, and somone has to send them that money). Even if he doesn't contact you, when he gets out, he may still. But, just follow your heart...you'll find happiness!
Also...he does have a chance to get out earlier. If they work while they are in their (which they have to request for and have to stay out of trouble) they can work off their time doubly...which means he could get out in a year, if not 18 months.

He kept it from you, and is not trying to make contact. (do you even know why he went to prison)? I think he answered your question for you...

I have mixed feelings about your message. Not that it's not nice to hear from ya, very nice. But, how in the #$%$%$#@ did you get online? Isn't that... infeasible at the moment? If so, I'm a little worried about kids on Gaia if people in prison can somehow access the site, no offense.

My friend Michael gave me some resources. Unfortunately the offender-locater-hotline thingy was busy when I tried to call during my lunch break. I'm going to try again Monday.

Hopefully, I will get an address to write to you, or at least find out the place you're at. (Wow, I feel stalker- go me!). So, hopefully writing letters to you will cheer you up.

However... your post makes me a little suspicious. So, if there's something you need to tell me, I'd do it soon. It will save me a lot of embarrassment next week when I call the hot line. Also, if I call and they say they don't have any inmates with your name in the Cali. Prison system, I can honestly say I will NOT be a very happy camper.