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 Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 2:26 pm
Username: Eternal Skies
Who recruited you?: Dragostae
Name: Adelaide Rowatt
Nickname: Addie
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Height: 5"6'
Weight: 125 lbs.
Race: Human
Social Class: Noble
Appearance: A young lady with a lean, fit body and light peach-colored skin. Her eyes are of a dark blue color and her hair a light brown. Her eyes are in the shape of almonds and her face is often a bit pale, due to the fact that as a younger girl, she often became sick and stayed inside. Has a slightly crooked nose after having broken it when she was only a toddler but does not stand out too much. Her hair length falls down to her waist, where soft waves curl in and bounce as she walks. Her clothes at home usually consist of elegant dresses and the like but outside, she wears clothes like a peasants' and does not mind being seen dressed so. After having learned to sew, she had gone to town and bought regular cottons and linens to make her own peasant clothes in which she would be able to wear outside and fit in with all the peasants around.
The dress she wears to school is of a light tan color, sewn with cotton material. The dress has a square-cut collar with long sleeves that fit snugly around her wrists, the sleeve puffing out a bit from elbow to wrist. The skirt of the dress falls neatly at her ankles and is slightly ruffled at its hem. Along with the dress, she wears a pair of brown boots that has laces at its side and a low, one-inch heel.
Personality: Adelaide is good-natured with those around her and tries her best to be polite with everyone. Almost always intrigued by something new, she will set out and try to discover new things in which she could jam into that brain of hers. She does not accept shyness from people so she talks to anyone and everyone and tries to make conversation. Not very easily intimidated by anyone bigger than her, she often finds herself in sticky situations and has to negotiate her ways out. She is one to prefer facts over theories but there are some things which she will accept. Adores to learn about the life outside her own, she takes strolls in town and observes the townspeople. She can often be on the sensitive side and gets angry rather easily. When she gets angry, she often has an ugly look on her face and talks back to whomever it was that made her so and argues heatedly with the person; it wouldn't matter if she was talking to her parents either. When she finds someone doing something she thinks is immoral, she will speak her mind and explain to that person why she thinks it is immoral. Addie hates seeing other people get hurt and stands up for other people if she can but tends to get herself into trouble also. She also drew images of the life in town. And due to her curiosity, she is not afraid of insects and the like; unlike many other young ladies.
Character flaws: Can be found to be rather naive at times and is sometimes too social. Though a curious creature and a noble, she is actually a rather slob and does not tend to clean up after herself too often. Her nose is slightly crooked and her lips are a tad to thin for her face. She is also rather fragile and gets sick and bruised very easily.
Background: Adelaide was born into a wealthy family of nobles on the 18th of August. Her family owns quite a few textile factories and other businesses as well. Although often sick as a small child, she would always wander off and look around even though her parents were constantly worrying about her. They did not approve of her going into town and be surrounded by all the peasants. Her parents were rather prejudiced and often talked to her about the many 'dangers' of being around peasants but she strongly disagreed and often argued with her parents about it. It is true that even though she was spoiled, she learned that as she grew older, having everything you wanted wasn't fun. When she explored the towns, she would see how hard the people would work to get what they needed and they seemed perfectly happy the way they were. While strolling the towns, she had noticed that whenever certain nobles would pass through on their carriages, people would bow down and speak politely to them. Seeing as how their attitudes changed towards nobles, Addie did not want to reveal herself as one to be able to talk freely with everyone and be like one of them.
Her private teachers found out that she was a very fast and eager learner starting from when she was at a very young age. When she could not get outside (most of the time due to rain and sickness), she would stuff her nose into the many books that her family owned in their library. She wants to know about the histories of the world and how things grew and how things developed and so much more. Addie did not care how long learning something would take, as long as she would be able to learn it.
When she found out that she could go to the University, she begged her parents to go and they had no choice but to allow her to go since they had so often allowed her to do what she wanted. And so she packed her things and headed for the University in pursuit of more knowledge and observation.
Skills: Arguing with facts, drawing, sewing
Belongings: A few dresses that she made herself, along with one elegant dress, in case anything special were to come up. Sheafs of paper and some graphite sticks; along with some of her drawings.
Character secrets: She does not intend on telling any of the people at school that she is a noble. The reason that she does not want people to know that she is a noble is because she thinks that they may treat her differently and she wants to be treated like everyone else. Though she thinks she's a rather horrible singer, she loves to sing.
Anything else?: Not really...
And... there you go! If there's anything you would like me to change, I'll change it as soon as I can! And I could do another RP Sample if you want...
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Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 7:41 pm
I think there's some work to be done here; maybe it's just me, but your character seems a bit flat, a little fake, and no less than a little Sueish.
Kagiri obviously loves to learn new things and experience everything in new ways, but it doesn't seem like it adds enough substance to her design. You should go into more detail as to why she doesn't want anyone to know she's a noble, and why she grates against her parents' wishes so often and powerfully if she's going to be a chipper and (mostly) agreeable young lady in the presence of her friends.
Now, I say she's Sueish because she acts like one; you described her personality as "constantly in high spirits," "outgoing," and "inquisitive" (in a few more words), but you don't balance this list of positives out with anything negative other than an unwillingness to not speak her mind, which --while fine --doesn't quite make her human enough.
She's a noble child, but doesn't want to be? So, her parents gave her everything she ever wanted, let her do whatever she wanted, etc. Yet, despite all that, she's not bratty and doesn't act like a princess --in fact, she casts aside that mantel for some reason. Certainly, she wants to learn, but couldn't she just as easily learn as a noble as she could as a peasant? Furthermore, wouldn't she have more opportunities as a noble? I really think you should go into more detail with her motivations.
She's sensitive, but doesn't get angry very easily? Very sensitive people usually (though not always, of course) end up angry or crying when someone pushes their buttons the wrong way. Kagiri is "constantly in high spirits," so, is she just happy about everything?
Now, this is your character, and I don't want to seem like I'm rewriting her, but you should really consider picking either emotions or facts as the dominant force in her consciousness; what I mean by that is I think she should either be primarily an emotionally-driven person or primarily fact-driven. As it stands, she sits right on the fence between the two, and needs to pick a side, even if she retains a lot of the other.
Once you've decided that, you should fine-tune and tweak her design to reflect your choice and make her more believable.
Beyond that, just aesthetics: Kagiri sounds much more oriental than occidental in terms of names, and since this is a Victorian London setting, you may want to consider revising that.
Please don't be discouraged; with a little work, you're character will be just as believable as the others at the University.
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 10:11 am
Whew... well, I've made many changes to it.. (at least .. I think I did... ^^; ) But nonetheless, thank you for the advice. After going over my own profile, I quite agree with you. I'm a rather flexible person so don't be afraid to tell me what you think.
If there's any other changes I should make, I'll be glad to... though I'll be making even more changes as I see fit, more or less.
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 8:22 pm
Much improved; there's a little bit of selfishness in everyone, and now Adelaide (good choice, by the way) has her share as well. If no one else sees anything exceptionally grating about your character, I believe we could accept her without too much more trouble.
[[Although I do believe D wants everyone to post a sample, so that may be a good idea]]
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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 9:16 pm
Eternal, you've done one before. I know what you're capable of.
Great job!
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Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 1:52 pm
Thanks much! ^_^ And Dragostae, just in case you didn't receive my PM, I still haven't gotten a dorm room yet, and I would very much like one to start Roleplaying. ^_^ Thanks again.
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Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 10:23 am
Go ahead and start, as we're waiting on a roommate for your character.
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Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 10:24 am
Never mind. Tori beat me.
DAMN.
How do you do that? razz
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