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 Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 1:26 am
Username: Dragostae
Who recruited you?: Um. Duh, people.
Name: Merryn Simone Lindalle
Age: 35.
Gender: Straight female
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 125 lbs.
Race: Human.
Social Class: Middle middle class.
Appearance: Contrary to her family's genetics, Merryn did get the short end of the stick, being the shortest person in six generations of essentially giants. Despite this, Merryn still carried the strong family resemblance, starting with the piercing green eyes, the chestnut brown hair falling in waves around her face, and the strong facial structure. She is muscular, yet retains the feminine softness of the subdermal fat layer, rendering her reasonably attractive. Merryn has a rather small chest, wide shoulders like a linebacker, and remains pale.
Personality: She is a strong woman, emotionally, choosing to stay cold and distant, rather than inviting and warm. She does not tolerate bad behaviour, quick with punishment, and also remains a very stubborn person. She has a fiery temper, yet when people find a way into her very cold heart, they find the opposite of the cold, tempestous woman. She uses her free choice to stay cold as a protective device. She is quiet, appraising her situations from as far off of a distance as possible. She chooses not to look at the present, but the future as much as possible. This causes Merryn to worry, sometimes incessantly.
Character flaws: Merryn judges very quickly, and acts upon it very quickly. She is stubborn, has a bad temper, and is prone to fits of coughing due to a bout with infantile double pneumonia. She made it through, but forever crippled her lung capacity. Is painfully shy.
Background: Merryn's life was relatively simple, living in the city of St John-over-the-River as a child, dealing with infantile double pneumonia as a young infant. Because of this, Merryn was homeschooled until she had entered university. It is because this apparent lack of a social life, that her own life, currently, that she suffers with painful shyness. She did well in classes, despite learning how to read at a much older age. When she attended university, she had been courted by a man who had been duplicitous with her love, and because of this, became the woman you see before you today. Merryn did grow up comfortably, but alas, she suffered a recent bout of sickness, causing her to take a job far from home with good pay to pay for medical treatment.
This just happened to be the University, ten years ago.
Now, she runs it, making sure that children are being educated correctly.
Skills: Administration, reading, writing, history, teaching, training.
Classes: Headmistress.
Character secrets: Has had a crush on the same person for the past seven years. Too bad they're a book character.
RP Sample: Oh, come on, now, people.
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Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 12:17 pm
Sorry for taking so long!
Now, as for your application... it's totally a Mary-Sue. I mean, just LOOK at what you wrote in appearances! And those skills. Everyone has THOSE skills, and-
Oh, wait. Wrong application.
-shuffles papers-
I really don't know why you want me to critique you... you know more about this roleplay than I do!
And you know you're a better roleplayer than me.
By the way, I like that little lung disorder thing. Eeeenteresting.
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Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 5:18 pm
Because even I need to keep my application writing sharp.
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Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 6:19 pm
Okay, well, here's one thing I just noticed: in the appearance place, you put Daina somewhere in there. Might wanna change that...
I kinda feel like there's something missing in the personality... and it's something I should probably put in mine. Is she loud or quiet? That's pretty important, actually...
In the background, I'd like to know about her family/ family tree. After all, in Altair you had a noble, and they had pretty important ancestral roots.
... I'll put these things in my own application, actually.
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Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 6:35 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:54 pm
Right! So, at your behest, I've taken another look over things and come up with a few remarks.
You mention a few times that Merryn is shy, but then juxtapose it with a fiery temper. This combination is not inherently a problem, but it does seem to be the only thing really detracting from your design because they aren't matched up by anything else. Now, you've hit the nail on the head as far as shyness is concerned with the distant, withdrawn attitude, and it works well for a position of authority.
Now, if she's using her shyness and distant personality as a protective measure, you should consider what she's protecting against; is she afraid to make friends? Does she have a nagging fear of her illness getting the better of her? Beyond that, you should also consider what kind of person she is without the protective barriers she sets up; for example, is she timid or scared? or is she sad? People hiding behind a personal wall usually hide a personal weakness or fear.
You have a very strong design here, but you may want to add a few details and really fine-tune the aspects of her behavior that center around her personal duplicity to really bring all her loose ends together. You might, for example, assume that she set up her barriers in response to some past event, or perhaps she puts on a strong front because she is the headmistress of a university. As far as improving your design goes, that's all I can really offer; Merryn is balanced and human-like, completely without the perfect phantasm that many people erect.
Kudos, by the way, for the whole consumption thing; not many people like to play sickly characters, and of the few who do, only a small portion take the different factors into account.
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