[SM Bischoff] vs SM Meltzer (Forklift Match)

[Cartwright]

8th April 2024 - 28th April 2024
One Day Auto-Hit or Auto-Recover

The following is The Staff Member Russo On A Forklift Match!

Whoever wins this match by pinfall or submission has the honor and privilege of working with Staff Member Russo, bro.

 

[Drive Type Wild]

For those without the pleasure of Peacock Premium Plus, cameras cut to Staff Member Bischoff in the ring, wearing his black karate gi and Staff Member Meltzer in a pair of jeans and a tanktop, as well as elbow pads.

Woke up this mornin'!
Yeah!
You got yourself a gun!

Pyro goes off across Lincoln Financial Field as the fans in Philly rise to their feet for the special guest referee for this Staff Member Russo on a Forklift Match! A Corvette Stingray, painted in white with black stripes, pulls into the football stadium and onto the stage to cheers, which grow louder as the door opens to reveal the Extreme Sage himself, the Snypa Rifle!

"And introducing the special guest referee for this match: please welcome the host of Wrestlemania, the Snypa Rifle!"

Snypa exits his car, a huge smile on his painted face as he's wearing a referee shirt with the sleeves cut off, black pants and white gloves. He walks down the aisle, soaking in the expressions of both Staff Members, both of which cannot wait to get their hands on each other. Snypa breaks out into a sprint, which ends in a slide under the bottom rope and on his knees before returning to his feet. He is handed a microphone when the music stops.

"I think we're missing one more piece of the puzzle!" Snypa exclaims. "Let's get 'im out here!"

Fans chant "Forklift!" as a forklift is driven down the aisle and to ringside. Moments later, a bound Staff Member Russo is dragged out onto the stage and down the aisle by security.

Staff Member Russo: "No! Bro! This isn't right, bro!"

Snypa: "Get that son of a b***h on that forklift!"

Security do as instructed, shoving Staff Member Russo inside a shark cage before the forklift is raised. Snypa cackles before making another announcement.

Snypa: "And now, I'd like to present a special episode of the most popular wrestling podcast in the world with the most listens! Please welcome your special guest commentators for this match!"

The Jim Cornette Experience theme blares as the fans explode for Staff Members Cornette and Last, both of whom are wearing the finest suits possible as they make their way to the commentary. This is the biggest Wrestlemania ever, indeed!

JR: "Staff Member Cornette, how are you?"

SMC: "Good to see you, Jim! Been a while! I heard that Uncle Dave was getting in a ring and Brian told me that he wasn't content with watching from his TV in Hawaii, also Pennsylvania ain't that far from Kentucky!"

SML: "I gotta say, it's an honor to do commentary for a match alongside my two favorite Jims!"

Snypa calls for the bell to ring and Staff Members Bischoff and Meltzer step out in the center of the ring.Staff Member Meltzer offers a lockup.  

[Cartwright]

King: "I can't believe we are featuring this at Wrestlemania!
We're going to get so many refunds!"

JR: "Don't be ridiculous King.
If you and Michael Cole can have a match at Wrestlemania, anyone can!"

SMC: "I would love it if s**t Stain had the balls to fight me at Wrestlemania.
I will piss on his grave, I guarantee it."

SML: "I think the restraining order might get in the way of that dream match, unfortunately for the viewers and listeners at home."

SMC: "Oh no, those don't apply when you are a corpse, my great co-host!"

Staff Member Bischoff may not be a classically trained wrestler, but neither is Staff Member Meltzer.

Staff Member Bischoff accepts the lock-up, testing himself against his stronger opponent.

 

[Drive Type Wild]

Staff Member Meltzer has watched enough wrestling and reported on it to know what goes on from a traditional collar and elbow tie up. From here, he attempts to awkwardly maneuver behind Staff Member Bischoff for a waistlock takedown.

JR: "Staff Member Cornette, should you even be out here with Staff Member Russo at ringside in that shark cage?"

SMC: "Shitstain can get his restraining order torn up and shoved straight up his a**. Isn't that right, Staff Member Last?"

SML: "That would be a fun time. Anyway, let's talk about the Snypa Rifle as the host of WrestleMania."

King: "He stole an invitation from Chris Brown, the King of R&B! From one king to another, I weep for him!"

SML: "I'd have to say that Snypa has done an excellent job as the host and I can't wait to see how he handles refereeing this match."  

[Cartwright]

Bless him, it's Staff Member Meltzer's first attempt at anything athletic in his entire life, but he finds himself behind Staff Member Bischoff and takes his down to the mat after lifting him by the waist.

JR: "Staff Member Bischoff could be in big trouble here, he can't use his kickboxing skills on the mat."

King: "Staff Member Meltzer should keep him grounded at all times!"

SMC: "I figured out why Staff Member Meltzer and s**t Stain get on so well, they are both from New York."

SML: "Do you think they just say bro to each other all day long to each other?"

SMC: "I don't care what they say to each other, they won't be saying anything after I use my tennis racket!"

 

[Drive Type Wild]

Staff Member Meltzer gets to his feet and points at the ropes in the style of his favorite wrestler, Corey Theta Cartwright, before looking to hit them and attempts to return with an elbow drop to the chest of Staff Member Bischoff.

SMC: "I see Uncle Dave learned how to wrestle from watching the indies in Japan! Explains why he looks like a dog fart!"

SML: "*snickers* This is more hilarious than Sean Ross Sapp getting in the ring?"

King: "Staff Member Meltzer looks pretty good!"

JR: "..."  

[Cartwright]

Staff Member Bischoff is given time to recuperate from Staff Member Meltzer's takedown, thanks to his theatrics inside the ring.

As Staff Member Meltzer prepares to drop The Five Star Elbow, Staff Member Bischoff rolls out of range!

SMC: "If I had spent my entire adult life watching Twinkletoes McFinger Bang, I would be suicidal watching all that phoney bullshit.
How is Uncle Dave still with us?!"

SML: "His whole life?"

SMC: "I bet he's rewatched all his so-called five star matches enough enough for it to feel like a lifetime!"

 

[Drive Type Wild]

The Five Star Elbow is a failure as Staff Member Meltzer connects with nothing but the canvas. Maybe he shouldn't have impersonated Corey Theta Cartwright!  

[Cartwright]

The crowd rallies behind Staff Member Bischoff, as he gets to his feet and stalks Staff Member Meltzer, waiting to strike with a lethal Roundhouse Kick to the head!

 

[Drive Type Wild]

As Staff Member Meltzer gets to his knees, he's dropped with one of Staff Member Bischoff's deadly karate kicks  

[Cartwright]

The crowd POPS as Staff Member Bischoff's signature move connects to the head of Staff Member Meltzer, dropping him to the mat.

Staff Member Bischoff hooks the leg for the pin, was this enough to end the mumblings of Staff Member Meltzer?!

 

[Drive Type Wild]

Referee Snypa Rifle drops down to make the count!

"ONE! TWO!"

As Snypa is making the final count, Staff Member Meltzer still hasn't moved.

"THREE!"  

[Cartwright]

SMC: "This may be the best Wrestlemania that I will ever review!
Instant five star match for me!"

SML: "But it's not in the Tokyo Dome, Jim!"

Staff Member Bischoff looks happy to have defeated Staff Member Meltzer, but then a horrible realization occurs as he hears the forklift being lowered...he now has to work with Staff Member Russo!

King: "Staff Member Bischoff and Staff Member Russo, joining forces again as if it was late stage World Championship Wrestling!"

JR: "Oh no, we can't let this happen, for the future of the World Wrestling Federation Guild!"

 

[Drive Type Wild]

Snypa, the special guest referee, raises Staff Member Bischoff's hand in victory as Staff Member Russo is released from the shark cage on the forklift. He joins the pair in the ring, just as the referee looks to spit his signature Black Mist into Staff Member Bischoff's face!

The fans need some sort of happy moment after what they've just witnessed!  

[Cartwright]

The fans are shocked and appalled by having to witness their hero, Staff Member Bischoff, blinded by Black Mist!

Staff Member Bischoff drops to his knees in agony, while Staff Member Russo points and laughs at his suffering!

SMC: "s**t Stain is such a goof, I should do something about this..."

SML: "Please don't get arrested Jim, the world needs you for your podcast!"