Clearly Consensual

[M00nbat]

Consent isn't sexy, it's mandatory! Let's talk about ways to make certain you have it.

Consent can't be given in some situations:
Sleeping
Drunk
Underage
Drugged
By force
Coercion
Significant power imbalance (boss/employee, guard/inmate, ect)

Prior consent can be given, but can be questionable. Best to save that for long term partners.  

[M00nbat]

"No means stop!" -little monster, 3 years old.

A toddler can understand this concept, seriously!
Consent can be revoked at any time for any reason. It doesn't matter if you are married. It doesn't matter if you are about to orgasm. No consent means you don't continue.



Consent can be conditional.
Some common conditions are:
Use a (condom, glove, dental dam)
No marks
No a**l

There are nearly endless possibilities for conditions. It's important to negotiate.  

[Alyx Rodanthe]

Consent can also be violated by a metamour, usually by conditions being negotiated and agreed to by all parties, and for those conditions to be violated.

IN the case of CNC (consensual non-consent) such as yes being the assumed answer except in the case of a pre-established safeword, consent can still be violated. No may not mean stop in that relationship, but that safeword means all brakes, full stop.  

[M00nbat]

Lady Rose of the North

Consent can also be violated by a metamour, usually by conditions being negotiated and agreed to by all parties, and for those conditions to be violated.

IN the case of CNC (consensual non-consent) such as yes being the assumed answer except in the case of a pre-established safeword, consent can still be violated. No may not mean stop in that relationship, but that safeword means all brakes, full stop.

Thanks for joining in!
I was planning on mentioning those next smile

I like to preface any CNC play with ample prior negotiation, followed by coded call and response with my "victim" to double check that they are in a good mental state to start. Once had a partner start a roleplay with me without prior negotiation. She seemed miffed that I stopped completely at that moment, but she had started whimpering "no" out of nowhere.

Going to refrain from adding more info just yet. I want to see what the rest of our little community adds. smile  

[Noble Legolas]

Soo whats the discussion here? neutral

You wanna know what stop signs I use? Usually "Ho!"

Which is Dutch for "Hold right there"

I rarely say No, because that's not very attractive lol. Unless it's someone I really don't want to get to know any further.  

[M00nbat]

Mulien

Soo whats the discussion here? neutral

You wanna know what stop signs I use? Usually "Ho!"

Which is Dutch for "Hold right there"

I rarely say No, because that's not very attractive lol. Unless it's someone I really don't want to get to know any further.

The main point in this thread is to make sure that people are obtaining and maintaining proper consent from their partners. It's not about appearing attractive, it's about making sure that everyone involved is actually a willing participant. Getting a little proactive, if you will.

There's a phrase I've heard about "You're being told to not get raped, but why not teach them not to rape?"  

[Noble Legolas]

Saew

The main point in this thread is to make sure that people are obtaining and maintaining proper consent from their partners. It's not about appearing attractive, it's about making sure that everyone involved is actually a willing participant. Getting a little proactive, if you will.

There's a phrase I've heard about "You're being told to not get raped, but why not teach them not to rape?"

Alright well no worries I'm not raping anyone yet, because I just have never have got a no on my requests.  

[Alyx Rodanthe]

Saew

Thanks for joining in!
I was planning on mentioning those next smile

I like to preface any CNC play with ample prior negotiation, followed by coded call and response with my "victim" to double check that they are in a good mental state to start. Once had a partner start a roleplay with me without prior negotiation. She seemed miffed that I stopped completely at that moment, but she had started whimpering "no" out of nowhere.

Going to refrain from adding more info just yet. I want to see what the rest of our little community adds. smile

Absolutely agreed. In my last relationship, we were in a M/s relationship with standing CNC between he and I, yet we also had conditional consent on any play, or any sex for that matter, after we evolved our relationship to being poly.

In my current relationship, we have partial CNC. We can initiate during times when most people are unable to give consent, but if we are going to do a scene, we do a check-in to ensure we are both in a state to do so. We also have the conditional consent.

The conditional consent was that we both used protection with new partners until the new partner was tested for STDs, especially things like gonorrhea and chlamydia which can be asymptomatic. This is important because I have been trying to conceive for the last year.

TTC is also something that requires consent from both parties. Having a full conversation about whether or not any form of contraceptives will be used, be it a pull out method, condoms, or chemical birth control. It is also important to discuss a contingency plan, even if one or both partners are surgically or medically sterile. It is also important to discuss whether it would be an option to attempt or allow conception to occur in other relationships if you are in a primary/secondary model, or even in several primary relationships.

Note- I am not STD shaming, at all. HSV-1 runs in my family, and I was born with it. I personally find it a nuisance, but not a concern for much worry. I suppose that's a discussion for another thread though lol.  

[Noble Legolas]

Lady Rose of the North

Saew

Thanks for joining in!
I was planning on mentioning those next smile

I like to preface any CNC play with ample prior negotiation, followed by coded call and response with my "victim" to double check that they are in a good mental state to start. Once had a partner start a roleplay with me without prior negotiation. She seemed miffed that I stopped completely at that moment, but she had started whimpering "no" out of nowhere.

Going to refrain from adding more info just yet. I want to see what the rest of our little community adds. smile

Absolutely agreed. In my last relationship, we were in a M/s relationship with standing CNC between he and I, yet we also had conditional consent on any play, or any sex for that matter, after we evolved our relationship to being poly.

In my current relationship, we have partial CNC. We can initiate during times when most people are unable to give consent, but if we are going to do a scene, we do a check-in to ensure we are both in a state to do so. We also have the conditional consent.

The conditional consent was that we both used protection with new partners until the new partner was tested for STDs, especially things like gonorrhea and chlamydia which can be asymptomatic. This is important because I have been trying to conceive for the last year.

TTC is also something that requires consent from both parties. Having a full conversation about whether or not any form of contraceptives will be used, be it a pull out method, condoms, or chemical birth control. It is also important to discuss a contingency plan, even if one or both partners are surgically or medically sterile. It is also important to discuss whether it would be an option to attempt or allow conception to occur in other relationships if you are in a primary/secondary model, or even in several primary relationships.

Note- I am not STD shaming, at all. HSV-1 runs in my family, and I was born with it. I personally find it a nuisance, but not a concern for much worry. I suppose that's a discussion for another thread though lol.

In my circle of friends with benefits, we don't talk about STD's or birthcontrol. We just always use a condom. No questions asked, no need to make up excuses. Even me and my 'primary' relationship always use a condom.
No one has ever rejected me for bringing a condom into the play. It's not negotiable. Sure, sometimes men pout and grumble a little bit sometimes. That's okay, but he's gonna wear one nonetheless wink
There's no such thing as trust and monogamy, even within a polyamory relationship. When my sexdrive starts thinking for me, I don't wanna think or worry about STD's transferring from them to my bf. I just wanna go for it!

Thinking your partner in crime isn't gonna cheat on you when a pretty pair of boobs come by is just naïve. Your life is at stake here!  

[Chieftain Twilight]

Mulien

Saew

The main point in this thread is to make sure that people are obtaining and maintaining proper consent from their partners. It's not about appearing attractive, it's about making sure that everyone involved is actually a willing participant. Getting a little proactive, if you will.

There's a phrase I've heard about "You're being told to not get raped, but why not teach them not to rape?"

Alright well no worries I'm not raping anyone yet, because I just have never have got a no on my requests.

consent isn't about not getting a no. it's about getting an enthusiastic "yes". if your partner doesn't want it, than it's rape, even if he or she didn't say no, and even if her or she said yes but grudgingly.

also, I would stay away from the idea that consent isn't sexy, or that saying no isn't sexy. I think that it's VERY sexy! biggrin I like knowing that I'm wanted. and I like knowing that I'm respected. I think that the combination of respect and desire is what makes sex as attractive and fun as it can be.  

[Chieftain Twilight]

Mulien

Lady Rose of the North

Saew

Thanks for joining in!
I was planning on mentioning those next smile

I like to preface any CNC play with ample prior negotiation, followed by coded call and response with my "victim" to double check that they are in a good mental state to start. Once had a partner start a roleplay with me without prior negotiation. She seemed miffed that I stopped completely at that moment, but she had started whimpering "no" out of nowhere.

Going to refrain from adding more info just yet. I want to see what the rest of our little community adds. smile

Absolutely agreed. In my last relationship, we were in a M/s relationship with standing CNC between he and I, yet we also had conditional consent on any play, or any sex for that matter, after we evolved our relationship to being poly.

In my current relationship, we have partial CNC. We can initiate during times when most people are unable to give consent, but if we are going to do a scene, we do a check-in to ensure we are both in a state to do so. We also have the conditional consent.

The conditional consent was that we both used protection with new partners until the new partner was tested for STDs, especially things like gonorrhea and chlamydia which can be asymptomatic. This is important because I have been trying to conceive for the last year.

TTC is also something that requires consent from both parties. Having a full conversation about whether or not any form of contraceptives will be used, be it a pull out method, condoms, or chemical birth control. It is also important to discuss a contingency plan, even if one or both partners are surgically or medically sterile. It is also important to discuss whether it would be an option to attempt or allow conception to occur in other relationships if you are in a primary/secondary model, or even in several primary relationships.

Note- I am not STD shaming, at all. HSV-1 runs in my family, and I was born with it. I personally find it a nuisance, but not a concern for much worry. I suppose that's a discussion for another thread though lol.

In my circle of friends with benefits, we don't talk about STD's or birthcontrol. We just always use a condom. No questions asked, no need to make up excuses. Even me and my 'primary' relationship always use a condom.
No one has ever rejected me for bringing a condom into the play. It's not negotiable. Sure, sometimes men pout and grumble a little bit sometimes. That's okay, but he's gonna wear one nonetheless wink
There's no such thing as trust and monogamy, even within a polyamory relationship. When my sexdrive starts thinking for me, I don't wanna think or worry about STD's transferring from them to my bf. I just wanna go for it!

Thinking your partner in crime isn't gonna cheat on you when a pretty pair of boobs come by is just naïve. Your life is at stake here!

DANGER! DANGER!

seriously, you should always be discussing, thinking about, and asking questions about these sorts of things! eek ignorance can and will cause problems. it can and will hurt people. it can and will lead to pain, trouble, and harm.

also, trust matters, whether monogamous or polyamorous. it matters whether anonymous or well-known (but I really don't recommend anonymous). and it matters whether casual or committed.

without trust, you are just plain not prepared to have sex with your partner(s). it is one of the necessary components of a safe, sane, consentual bedtime romp. it's more important than condoms!  

[Alyx Rodanthe]

Chieftain Twilight

DANGER! DANGER!

seriously, you should always be discussing, thinking about, and asking questions about these sorts of things! eek ignorance can and will cause problems. it can and will hurt people. it can and will lead to pain, trouble, and harm.
also, trust matters, whether monogamous or polyamorous. it matters whether anonymous or well-known (but I really don't recommend anonymous). and it matters whether casual or committed.

without trust, you are just plain not prepared to have sex with your partner(s). it is one of the necessary components of a safe, sane, consentual bedtime romp. it's more important than condoms!

I thoroughly second this.

Mulien

There's no such thing as trust and monogamy, even within a polyamory relationship. When my sexdrive starts thinking for me, I don't wanna think or worry about STD's transferring from them to my bf. I just wanna go for it!

Thinking your partner in crime isn't gonna cheat on you when a pretty pair of boobs come by is just naïve. Your life is at stake here!

Trust is the basis of any relationship I am in. Casual or committed. Trust violation can actually be more devastating in a casual relationship than in a committed one. Condoms are a layer of protection, as are dental dams, gloves, ect.

My partner in crime and I have been best friends for half of my life, 10 years. He's mono-flexible. We both appreciate when a pretty pair of boobs comes by, and we are literally never apart for longer than a few hours at a time, and that's maybe once every couple of weeks. That makes it kiiiinda difficult for him to just up and cheat on me, or vice versa.  

[Chieftain Twilight]

Lady Rose of the North

Chieftain Twilight

DANGER! DANGER!

seriously, you should always be discussing, thinking about, and asking questions about these sorts of things! eek ignorance can and will cause problems. it can and will hurt people. it can and will lead to pain, trouble, and harm.
also, trust matters, whether monogamous or polyamorous. it matters whether anonymous or well-known (but I really don't recommend anonymous). and it matters whether casual or committed.

without trust, you are just plain not prepared to have sex with your partner(s). it is one of the necessary components of a safe, sane, consentual bedtime romp. it's more important than condoms!

I thoroughly second this.

Mulien

There's no such thing as trust and monogamy, even within a polyamory relationship. When my sexdrive starts thinking for me, I don't wanna think or worry about STD's transferring from them to my bf. I just wanna go for it!

Thinking your partner in crime isn't gonna cheat on you when a pretty pair of boobs come by is just naïve. Your life is at stake here!

Trust is the basis of any relationship I am in. Casual or committed. Trust violation can actually be more devastating in a casual relationship than in a committed one. Condoms are a layer of protection, as are dental dams, gloves, ect.

My partner in crime and I have been best friends for half of my life, 10 years. He's mono-flexible. We both appreciate when a pretty pair of boobs comes by, and we are literally never apart for longer than a few hours at a time, and that's maybe once every couple of weeks. That makes it kiiiinda difficult for him to just up and cheat on me, or vice versa.

this, this, this. great advice. I've often said that people too often make the mistake of thinking that Love and Sex are the same and Love is distinct from Friendship, when the reality is that Love and Friendship are the same and Love is distinct from Sex.

if you aren't best friends with your romantic partner, you are not in Love.  

[Alyx Rodanthe]

Chieftain Twilight

this, this, this. great advice. I've often said that people too often make the mistake of thinking that Love and Sex are the same and Love is distinct from Friendship, when the reality is that Love and Friendship are the same and Love is distinct from Sex.

if you aren't best friends with your romantic partner, you are not in Love.

Absolutely! I have been in love with people, and have had wonderful romantic relationships with them without having a sexual relationship whatsoever.

And I have definitely had sexual relationships where I cared about them, but that was the main basis of our relationship, there was little to no romantic relationship.