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A-B0T

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 9:05 am


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I haven't seen my dad since I was about 4. The last few years I wanted to try to connect with him. Answer some questions. Find out what kind of person he is. I looked his full name up on searches and Facebook. Not many leads. So I gave up for a couple years or so. Then I wanted to meet him more and found the one person related to him whose name I could remember. My half sister.
It didn't take me long to find her and send her a message. She quickly responded and we spoke of meeting each other and my dad. I was elated. Sadly, we only exchanged a few messages without making any real plans before she wouldn't respond to any of my messages. This was sometime during last year when this happened.
With no other names I could possibly find and my sister deleting her profile the search for my father had reluctantly come to a stop. I was very disappointed and a little sad. I tried to put it out of my mind but it wouldn't go away. Deep inside was the 4 year old girl still looking for Dad.
Come Christmas Eve, I checked my email. My mom had found something concerning my father. The email linked me straight to his obituary. He died in September. My name wasn't even mentioned among the list of his children. No location to his grave either. I was so hurt. Even knowing nothing about him or why we had no relationship I was never angry at him. I mourned for him like anyone I knew personally. And still no connections with anyone who could lead me to see where he was berried.
In what seemed like months a few weeks later my step mother finally messaged me on Facebook. She asked to meet me and my sister to give me some things she wanted me to have. I gladly accepted.
We arrived and after a long time talking she gave me and my sister some pillows she made from his shirts. She also gave me a box with my baby toys, unopened Christmas gifts and unread holiday and birthday cards. He kept them all for me. I learned that he loved me very much and after all the years of being separated he was afraid I would reject him if he tried to find me. So he waited on me to make that decision. If only I had tried finding my sister maybe a year earlier I could have at least known him for the last few months of his life. To hear him say he loved me and be able to call someone Dad was all I wanted. But that's a lost dream.
Since last month I've been keeping up with my step mother and met my other siblings. A few cousins added me online as well. And I hope to come to this year's family reunion in my dad's home state. I could at least learn about him from my 6 uncles and other random relatives. I take pleasure in knowing I'll finally meet him on the other side. I have aspirations that will take years to accomplish so I don't have the luxury of meeting him while I'm young but I will in time.

tl;dr
Wah wah my dad died.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 3:00 pm


That's rough. But you didn't know then what you know now, and you did try, so you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. Although your time with him was short, it sounds like your family is much bigger now that you've made/remade all these connections. And that would probably make your dad happy.

LorienLlewellyn
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