Hi there,
I am not sure if you are completely familiar with who I am. My name is Samantha, but you can call me Sammy. I am the Guild Captain of Insomnia, and I have something important to tell you, so I need you to take a few minutes to hear me out.
If you are taking the time to read this, I know that you must be going through a hard time. I'm here to tell you that I can relate. I know what it is like to feel sad and depressed and even suicidal. I know what it is like to want to die, but you know what? It doesn't have to be that way. You don't have to feel that way- not today and not now. At the age of fourteen, I was at an experimental age. I wanted to find out who I was because I didn't quite know. Shortly after being cast as a lead role in my first high school play, I developed a crush on one of my co-stars, an artistic senior whose personality was dark and mysterious. This is what drove me to him the most.
Shortly after letting him know how I felt about him, we had begun to hang out more. To appeal to what he liked, I started dressing in a gothic style. He showed me a cut on his arm, so I started doing it too. Needless to say, this boy was not a very good influence on me. That, plus the constant emotional stress of teenage life and parents that seemed to hate me, drove me into a deep depression. I just wanted to die. Life wasn't worth living anymore.
My mom finally discovered my cuts [I blamed it on the dogs and she blamed herself] and put me through therapy. A doctor diagnosed me with clinical depression and put me on Wellbutrin.
I won't say that the medicine or the therapy helped. I really don't think they helped at all, honestly. What helped me in the long run was a change of lifestyle. After pressure from family and friends to change my attitude and my style of dress, surprisingly it worked. I felt better, I looked better, and although I gained a big head and a cocky attitude, at least I was what I wanted to be for once- happy.
The problems that I had to face daily are probably not the same as yours are now, but what is similar is the feeling that you and I have had to attempt to cope with for a very long time now. I still deal with bouts of depression, but now that I am married to the love of my life and have two wonderful children to fulfill my life, things are nowhere as bad as they used to be emotionally. I love my life and my children. It took me a long time, but I have finally gotten the family and the life I have always dreamed of.
With that said, don't lose hope. You have a lot to live for. You are a beautiful and special person who deserves a better life, and with hard work and dedication, your life can be the way you want it to be. Please do not consider suicide. You don't know how many people you are damaging inside by damaging yourself. Don't do it; it isn't worth it. You are better than that.
If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to send me a PM. I will be more than happy to talk to you and to listen to your problems. I will be more than happy to try to help you deal with your stress.
If you are still not convinced, please call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or visit this website for more information on hotlines and help in your area.
You are a beautiful person. Please don't do this.
Your friend,
Sammy
