Welcome to Gaia! ::

now, I've been a Polyamorous person by nature, pretty much all my life I think. I didn't start dating until I was 16, and even then I was naive about it. and I kept finding myself cheating on any significant others I had because I couldn't help falling in love with more than one person and not being able to handle it. I was too young and inexperienced, I wasn't emotionally ready to know what to do.

I was 17 when I finally accepted myself as Poly, and realized that I just have to be honest and open about it. it was then that I had decided that it was best to only be romantically involved with other Polies. it could never work out between me and anyone monogamous, because I would always panic if expectations of exclusivity were placed on me. I've been known to leave people on the grounds of my fear alone.

but recently, I had been set up with someone who was very monogamous... and I fell for him very quickly. it was around the same time that my relationship with my Mistress which had been very limited due to on-off situations) had been repaired and I she and I were lovers once again. she was the one who set him and me up.

I was terrified, realy... I knew what my fears were, and doubted that it could even work out. my Mistress was certain that him and I were great for eachother, needed eachother, and that though it wasn't a sure thing there was at least a possibility that it could work... and I trusted her.

in the end it came down to him dumping me (on new year's, of all days) because he couldn't stand that I was not exclusive. he wanted me to be his, he would verbally challenge my Mistress' ownership over me even. hell, he even felt he had more claim to me than my mom! eek

at this point, I feel as though my beliefs are reinforced, but I've heard arguments from other people (and read in this guild) that it's not true. what could be said to convince me that I am mistaken? I'd like to hear logical reasoning for why some people believe that Polies and Monogamous folks can be happy together.

Yup, they can work just fine with an open minded mono person who understands the flow of emotional energy works differently in their poly partner. That is how my husband was when I first dipped my toes into polyamory, understanding supportive and mono. Then he dipped his toes in.

Some mono folk can't grasp, or don't want to grasp the idea and philosophy of poly. Those people are toxic, that sounds like what you encountered Twilight.

Edit: Rosie to the rescue I followed Saew's link and used my super awesome skillz to find poly/mono articles

My other comparison is a tad outdated... Riri and Annette don't work anymore... as Annette isn't exactly mono anymore.. redface heart Well I guess to does work. Annette was mono and Riri poly. Annette didn't mind me.

I've seen it work- the relationship ended not over poly stuff but because one partner was an abusive a*****e, so it is possible.

Well we are just a small and random sampling of polyamorous people as a whole, being limited to those that use Gaia. I'm curious, what is your basis for "working"?

And you know I'm not outing people online without their permission for a complete stranger, right?


In that case- Annette and I count. cat_3nodding

I have been with Annette for over 10 years and I've been poly for all of it, Annette was mono for all but the last 6 months.

It has always been about love for a start, not about lust. I think that helps a lot.
Annette isn't a very jealous person either.
Open communication was important too- being willing to explain how we felt and stuff.

I find it is the pool you are pulling your "fish" from that tends to be the problem. When you have a s**t choice, even if you get a looker, they are still s**t. I would try looking else where for potential partners. I would also make it very clear you aren't looking for shallow relationships but long term relationships.

:nods.: aye, your both right about that. heh... but why should I freshen the bait? what's the point? I have no trouble attracting people, I just can't seem to find anyone who's able to keep up with me intellectually.