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If he's controlling you out of jealousy and fear of being replaced- but is dating people who would be in his idea of your role, that's hypocrisy and it sounds unhealthy.

It does seem unhealthy, but I love him. D: It's hard to explain unless you know me. Kai has helped me a lot, and I'm happy if he is.

I've been trying to come to an agreement with him, but he's stressed out and does not need more.

I can't just leave him - I love him too much.

Either the relationship meets everyone's needs, or it doesn't. Love is not the only thing that is required to make a relationship work and if it continues this way jealousy will fester and cause resentment and you can be sure that will make everything harder for everyone in the long run.

Sure, things aren't always equal. Sometimes one partner tends to find other suitable partners and one may have more than the other at times- it happens and score keeping isn't really appropriate in that situation and the feelings need to be worked through. However that doesn't mean that things can't be fair. Equal opportunity is the name of the game, what's good for the goose should be good for the gander. He really can't say he can date whoever the hell he wants but you can only date a restricted amount of people- especially if you can't date others because he'd get jealous but he disregards your feelings and makes you jealous.

I'm not going to jump to 'leave him' just yet. But things need to be worked through so that everyone's needs are met and so that things are fair and everyone is being respected. It doesn't matter if he's currently stressed out, this needs to be worked out before it starts to turn to resentment, fester and rot the whole relationship.

Your needs are important. Your feelings matter. The relationship isn't just about his needs and his feelings. Yours need to be respected and *if* that cannot be achieved *then* is when you need to look past love and take your own happiness and mental health into consideration and leave. Leaving is a last resort, but if he will not make an effort to change things and resolve his feelings he should not expect you to make the effort to change and resolve your feelings.

Edit: I will say that I said all this with the impression that you've come here with a problem that you were unhappy with. While I still wouldn't recommend sacrificing your own needs completely for someone else's if that makes you happy and satisfied then that's your own decision to make. As long as you're happy and satisfied and can balance things for yourself, more power to you. But it didn't sound like you were happy and satisfied with the situation and you do need to realize that your needs are just as important than his and his shouldn't trump yours if they make you miserable.

OK, Kisa...you and I haven't talked much, but here's a little about me, just in case you haven't read my intro. I'm 30, male, hetero....and have a pretty broad range of females that attract me on various levels. This last fact has earned me a bunch of derogatory nicknames, but that isn't why I bring it up. The reason is, everyone has their own style that suits them well, and someone out there is likely to be drawn to it. Surprise! Apparently you may have just "triggered" your friend. You do have things to sort out with Kai as well, but sometime in the near future you may want to talk to this friend too to clear the air.

Breaking into stereotype-land, the "one of the guys" type girl you describe yourself as isn't that uncommon around here. They tend to vary from wild party girls (shudder), to relaxed gamers (<3) and everywhere in between. Either way, many guys tend to feel they can let their guard down around this sort, and feel there is little to no pressure. Just my $.02 on your self-described "type"

*edit* see? THIS is what I get for reading and responding right after waking up....I misread "gay" as "guy" for some reason sweatdrop

*edit2..after making sure everything stuck to brain properly this time* My response still fits, possibly even better as you consider yourself fitting into a male stereotype. Perhaps he is wanting to broaden his horizons? The world is not completely black and white, that includes sexuality.

Well, I'm just confused because I was the first person he told that he was gay. I've been hanging out a lot more, and he seems like he has a crush on me. I'm trying to bring it up, but he just brings up other subjects to distract me.

And if I tell Kai this, he'd flip.

What's even worse is before he told me he was gay, I liked him. I still do. >.<

But thank you for explaining this to me, I appreciate it.

Thank you for the wish. Though everything turned upside down and he left me..

I guess that solves my problem right there.

Eh.. Kai. I called him today and before I could even say something he told me it was over. I don't understand..

I'm sorry.. *hugs back*